Whiskey Fire

Didn't See THAT Coming

Welll, damn -- just when I thought Lindsey Graham was completely deprived of a conscience or brain-stem, out he comes with a gen-you-wine Valuable Insight:

I gather that Levin doesn't like Graham very much, probably because Graham made off with his Preciousss.

But to hell with that -- you just have to defer to Graham on the subject of South Carolinians' abject stupidity. After all, they elected him. And they might well be a-hankerin' to dump his closet-lovin' ass in a primary featuring an even viler mouthbreathing cracker!

Konservative Kartoon Komedy; Or, "En attendant Plancton"

I can't even. Well I can. But I don't want to. But I must. Read on: though this will make you cry a sweater o' tears. And it will kill you.

Oh, no! Even beloved “SpongeBob SquarePants” isn’t safe from corporate downsizing.

The harsh economic climate has infiltrated the underwater community of Bikini Bottom when, after 14 loyal years of flipping krabby patties at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is unceremoniously bounced from his job in an upcoming episode of the iconic Nickelodeon ’toon.

The ebullient sea sponge very literally gets “canned,” “pink-slipped” and “axed” by the greedy Mr. Krabs when his boss discovers he can save a whole nickel by eliminating happy-go-lucky SpongeBob from the payroll.

Golly. Coming from the NY Post, this is a very sensitive reading of how a cartoon show depicts current economic realities.

You can put in many years at a crap job, and if your boss decides his nickel is worth more than your whole life, fuck you, sponge boy.

So that's very progressive! A realistic tale for our times!

A tearful SpongeBob offers to work for free, frying up Krabby Patties at the burger joint he loves — but Mr. Krabs concedes such labor would be illegal, and he would lose his license.

Wow! Thank goodness for Big Government -- in Bikini Bottom, slavery is against the law!

So what’s a hardworking sea sponge to do?

Try to get another job? Working class people want to work, right? So, you see --

WARNING. SKREE SKREE. HERE THE NY POST GOES WHERE YOU WERE THINKING THEY'D GO.

Lest he sit around idly, mooching off the social services of Bikini Bottom, a depressed SpongeBob sets out to return to gainful employment wherever he can find it.

No spoilers — but it’s safe to say that our hero doesn’t end up on food stamps, as his patty-making skills turn out to be in high demand.

Jesus fucking Christ.

Fucking Christ Jesus.

So, according to the NY Post, and their co-ideological shitheads, what America needs today are cartoons wherein children are taught the salutary lessons that you are lucky to have a horrible job, your boss is right to fire you to save a nickel, and you shouldn't ever for a moment think you have a right to not starve to death.

You can see, maybe, why these ghastly specimens prefer batty message hijacking of existing series to the hard work of  producing original children's shows of their own.

 

 

The Saddest Place In The World?

A White (W/ upper case "W"!) losers-too-dense-to-recognize-their-privilege get-together where this sort of thing may be overheard:

In the lobby outside of the Polaris room, young men debated whether Ayn Rand’s message of individualism served the white race or fragmented it. During a coffee break, a discussion about whether whites of different ancestry could ever live together in an ethno-state erupted from one of the tables.

Elaborate performance art? We ask because this is beyond mockery. What could possibly top that?

But really the conference was open to any number of overlapping topics that might attract disaffected white youngsters. Jack Donovan, an anti-feminist writer and “advocate for the resurgence of tribalism and manly virtue,” served up his shtick.

His shtick: Poetry, or a run-on sentence?

Donovan has argued that feminists are trying to create “gender-neutral utopias” that will make men into “doughy bonobos and chunky Chaz Bonos playing out their endless manic-depressive melodramas in a big bean-flicking circle of sterility, sickness and desperation.”

Whichever one, I'm (easily) amused.

Bonobos?

— M. "Doughy Bonobo" Bouffant

(Who is not chunky Chaz Bono, 'cause M.B. spells it old school: "Chas." Can't deny the "chunky" though.)

Rabid... WOLVERINES!

Well, you can't argue with this Townhall-class teabagger:

The establishment has declared us defeated, but we’re ready to fight like rabid wolverines.

Indeed. "Rabid wolverines" is a more than apt description of these people, and explains their overall approval levels. "Gosh," normal people are often heard to say. "I sure am fond of rabid wolverines! Do you know who ought to be in charge of the country? Rabid wolverines, that's who."

This person continues: "Now we need to think carefully about how we defeat our opponents over the long haul." Because if there is one thing rabid wolverines are known for, it is sensible long-term strategic thinking.

And also too rabid wolverines are noted for their use of entirely arbitrary italics.

New Fronteirs in Stupid and Awful

Ah, Movement Conservatives. You never disappoint, but sometimes impress.

Nobody is especially startled at the ability of, say, some stray kook to deduce TYRANNY from Michelle Obama's suggestion that high school students might want to drink a bit more water. That's just the usual nitwittery.

But you can never quite anticipate the sheer drooling gobshitery of Jim Hoft, a true pioneer in spelunking new depths of deranged far-right sewage.

Christ. Easter Island obelisks facepalm to Jim Fucking Hoft.

You may have heard that right now, in Russia, young homosexuals are subject to what amounts to a pogrom. You may have indeed heard of this hideous incident, which, oh my god.

A video depicting a man being raped with a bottle has surfaced on social media, in what appears to be the latest assault on Russia's beleaguered homosexual community.

The series of short clips, making the rounds on the mobile phone application WhatsApp show the victim, who seems to be an ethnic Uzbek, being bullied into confessing that he is gay.

He is asked to identify himself and is stripped of his clothes, which are later burned. He is then handcuffed, beaten, insulted, and threatened with a gun. Ultimately, he is forced to sodomize himself by sitting on a bottle, which is then pushed with a bat.

The man, visibly terrified, weeps throughout much of the ordeal.

Viewers on WhatsApp overwhelmingly praised the violence as a well-deserved punishment.

And beyond that, as AmericaBlog points out, while the media found the torture-raper no problem, Russian law enforcement is just not interested in doing shit about it.

So, who's the True Villian here?

Who is the Bad Guy?

Hello?

Jim Hoft?

Who might that be?

Jim Hoft? Who is most responsible for psychotic anti-gay violence in Russia?

Duh.

Barack Obama.

MAS. As to how to end homohobia in Russia, I suggest ATTACKS WITH POWERFUL MISSILES. WE SHOULD SAY CUT OUT THAT SHIT OR HELLO NUKES.

It would be stupid. But would also work.

Back from the Lake

So, nuts, I'm back. Phooey.

Here is some Townhall BP.

Roger Schlesinger....

No, too easy.

Fungoes... "More Americans Going Galt"

Gosh.

You may be tempted to criticize these overseas Americans, but I’ve talked to several hundred of them in the past few years and you can’t begin to imagine how their lives are made more difficult by the illegitimate extraterritorial laws concocted by Washington.

Very rich Americans living abroad may have to pay taxes. In response they may "Go Galt," which means that they will continue to not pay United States taxes while not being in the United States or doing a damn fucking positive thing for anyone actually living in the United States.

And who are the Victims?

Again.

You may be tempted to criticize these overseas Americans, but I’ve talked to several hundred of them in the past few years and you can’t begin to imagine how their lives are made more difficult by the illegitimate extraterritorial laws concocted by Washington.

... ... ... !

!

!

!!!

This is precisely what Thoughtful Conservatives mean by "Libertarian Populism."

Anyway, just getting limber...

No Slapping!*

Apparently Thers' no slapping policy is not being followed by some political elements.

Stolen from Raw Story.

Speaking of "Ha ha, it's O.K., just fantasy cartoon violence, ha ha," note the level of outrage demonstrated by Noel Sheppard here (Also note Noel's "See Dick run. Dick runs fast. Dick likes short declarative sentences. Dick is a bit slow," style. He knows his readersaudience.):

These pictures were taken at the Otsego County Fair in Morris, New York.

Morris, a town of 1,878 people, is about 90 miles west of Albany.

For those unfamiliar with upstate New York, it is far more conservative than the perilously liberal New York City.

Readers may be aware that this isn't the first time Obama's likeness has been disgracefully used this way.

Three years ago, a carnival in Roseto, Pennsylvania, had a game where constestants [Freudian sic?] shot darts at an image of a suited black man holding a healthcare bill and wearing a presidential seal.

After some complaints, the exhibit was changed to a pirate theme.

Alright, he typed "disgracefully" once (as well as "perilously liberal New York City") but his real function is providing space for commenters to work out their individual issues. And issues they have:

Uh-oh. Here come the "racist" shouts. And 5, 4, 3, ...

How'd he guess? 

You could also use his photo to line a bird cage, or put down on the floor to potty train a puppy..............I've heard of Obama toilet paper (I think Dave might have some), but I wouldn't disrespect my own arse by getting a likeness of the purple-lipped petulant punk near it!!!!

Couldn't work "party-pooping prick" in? Or "nappy-headed?" Try harder!

---

*No slappers, either!

— M. Bouffant

Where I Stopped Reading

In the second paragraph of this Jennifer Rubin drivel:

Jonah Goldberg has an exceptionally insightful piece explaining just how ...

— M. Bouffant

Eyewitness Evidence

Shorter Ann Althouse on eye-rolling:

If I didn't see Alito do it w/ my own two eyes it did not happen!

She is, however, willing to split the difference:

I don't trust the descriptions of Epps and Milbank. Maybe we could get some more discussion of the meaning of Alito's head — from some observers who like him. And then I could calculate the truth from there.

Ah, perhaps the Justice only rolled one eye!

— M. Bouffant, exclusive to Whiskey Fire.

Litmus Test

National joke Reince Priebus didn't pass.

I loved the way he started: “I just wanna let you know. I’m a Christian. I’m a believer. God lives in my heart. And I’m for changing minds, not changing values. Are you with me?” That was intended as an applause line. To call the response indifferent would be so kind as to be irresponsible.

While I'm on the War Between The Republican Factions (as performed by the inmates of the Daily Beast under the direction of Tina Brown) Rich Lowry just came out against the Southern Strategy, & (having read almost to the end) he's pimping a book (which is not linked here as I am not a pimp for Amazon or any other hive of worker exploitation & villainy) about rail-splittin' Abe Lincoln (who, by the way, not only split rails & freed the slaves but invented the luxury automobile); the "stop pickin' on Lincoln" schtick is obviously complete bullshit designed to mess w/ his competition in the Lincoln-book field & is w/o any other meaning.

It is the Lincoln-Hating Right. You can't belong unless you feel a compulsion to write "bloody-minded tyrant" immediately before or after the name "Abraham Lincoln." Some members of this fraternity are old-style Lost Cause romantics, deluding themselves about the “War for Southern Independence,” as some Southerners have been doing since about 1866, while others are a peculiar breed of libertarian. Libertarianism is supposed to make the Republican Party sleek and modern, but this variant of the creed—associated with Ron Paul—is stubbornly perverse and highly unappealing.

See, no meaning. And no mention of Nixon or the Southern Strategy either, because what could any of that have had to do w/ anything; the libertarians are the real (albeit sleek & modern) racists!! Remember, he needs a reason to mention Lincoln so he can pimp his book; an even-close-to-accurate item comparing the present-day Republican Party to Lincoln would not go over well w/ those who must be pleased. So he concludes by admitting he wasted his time high-horsing it over a bunch of losers.

Operationally, they are pro-Confederacy. Their influence shouldn't be exaggerated. The vast majority of people will never hear of them. They exist only as a small but foul temptation on the right. If American conservatism ever wants to commit suicide, they offer the ready means. And it begins with the root-and-branch rejection of Abraham Lincoln.

And I'm going to do a little high-horsing myself (& laughing) by sharing the title of Rich's opus. Ready? Food & drink out of mouths & away from keyboards? Here it is:

Lincoln Unbound: How an Ambitious Young Railsplitter Saved the American Dream—and How We Can Do It Again, on sale June 11 from Broadside Books, an imprint of HarperCollins.

Really? There are still young rail-splitters? Do not hold your breath.

— M. Bouffant                                      Slightly different version (if it isn't edited) here.