Whiskey Fire

OK Then

Anthony Kennedy did OK today, but he's still a shithead, and it's galling that this pompous fucknose gets to tell the rest of the country what's what legally.

I trust this is not a controversial assessment.

Since the affairs of men rest still uncertain/ Let’s reason with the worst that may befall

I suppose it is a sign of something like progress that nobody else but this blog is going to bother with Pat Buchanan's 2015 ideas about the Confederacy. But fuck him.

Buchanan notes that the loved ones of the victims forgave the murderer, and notes that this is Christian.

If there is a better recent example of what it means to be a Christian, I am unaware of it. Collier and the families of those slain showed a faithfulness to Christ's gospel of love and forgiveness that many are taught but few are strong enough to follow, especially at times like this.

Sure.

Of course, few are called, many are the butt of systematic oppression, but fair enough.

Here is the Fun Bit.

Their Christian witness testifies to a forgotten truth: If slavery was the worst thing that happened to black folks brought from Africa to America, Christianity was the best.

Wow.

Wow.

And then this lament:

Vilification of that battle flag and the Confederacy is part of the cultural revolution in America that flowered half a century ago. Among its goals was the demoralization of the American people by demonizing their past and poisoning their belief in their own history.

The world is turned upside down. The new dogma of the cultural Marxists: Columbus was a genocidal racist. Three of our Founding Fathers -- Washington, Jefferson, Madison -- were slaveowners. Andrew Jackson was an ethnic cleanser of Indians. The great Confederate generals -- Lee, Jackson, Forrest -- fought to preserve an evil institution. You have nothing to be proud of and much to be ashamed of if your ancestors fought for the South. And, oh yes, your battle flag is the moral equivalent of a Nazi swastika.

Uh, that's pretty much the world right-side up, motherfucker.

Heh. Pat Buchanan. Dumb old shitbooger.

Even Sadder Freaks of the Nation

Shorter Mark Krikorian:

I wants my white mens on my moneys!

I drink your trail of tears.

Sad Freaks of the Nation

Big Dead Dumb Breitbart.

Why Do Gunmen Target Churches And Schools, Not NRA Meetings?

Well, this last guy wanted specifically to shoot black people, so, uh, asked and answered.

Beyond that, I am going to be a teacher for the rest of my career, and fuck me if I'm ever gutless coward enough to walk into a classroom with a fucking gun. I wage civilization, motherfucker.

Dumb Song

One of the weirder features of your far-right electronic ideological cesspits that nobody actually reads is their "lifestyle" sections. The Federalist here serves up a hum-dinger:

Taylor Swift Flirts With The Feminist Dark Side

Great Snot!

In a time of global political chaos, surging domestic culture wars, and the baffling emergence of enough GOP presidential candidates to effectively recast every Wes Anderson film ever made, there is one enduring, rock-solid truth we all can count on: If you live in America, you cannot escape Taylor Swift.

This is not good writing; this is a confused person with no point to make gesturing towards cultural phenomena.

In the ensuing paragraphs we learn that Taylor Swift exists, Lena Dunham is a liar about how women get raped, that women who get raped are usually drunk, and because Taylor Swift makes money women never face egregious discrimination in the workplace.

My daughter is 10, and is very much in the Taylor Swift wheelhouse. If TS is singing about how my kid is going to have to put up with sexist bullshit, good. Because she will.

Of course my daughter also digs Neko Case.

 

 

We Are the Sons of Reagan Heil

Kurt Schlichter: even by Townhall standards, to endure him, you need a snotguard and a translation from the authentic 1930s German. Hark to the lilting, Horst Wassailing:

So, though no fault of your own, you are a young conservative male coming of age in a time when the deck is so heavily stacked against you that it’s like Michael Moore was leaning on it.

The "white" is silent. (Never mind the botched cards metaphor.)

Now, this is targeted to straight conservative males from 18-25 not because of the inherent cisnormative racism your TA told you about but because that’s who I was. Those who identify as “women” are welcome to take what they can from it. Those who are gay, well, my gaydar is so bad anyway that my exceedingly hot wife is constantly telling me, “Wait, you didn’t know XXXXX was gay? How did you not know XXXXX was gay?”

Kurt is eager to inform us that he is not gay and that while he finds gays disgusting, he remembers how Andrew Dice Clay told very comical jokes many decades ago and that was great fun.

For those of you who are quick on the uptake, the key takeaway from that last paragraph is that I have an “exceedingly hot wife.”

18 year olds sure do love to "keep it real" by having middle aged weirdos sidle up to them to brag about fucking.

You should do a tour if you are one of the 30% of Americans who can qualify for military service....

You will have earned something that is totally yours and can never be taken away – and you will live a life adventure that your contemporaries who are now second assistant to the guy who runs the Xerox machine can only dream of. Plus, chicks dig it. Trust me.

And you might not end up maimed from fighting in a war based on bullshit -- but no worries, the GOP will cut your benefits anyway. Wars are only fun for rich shits, because freedom. And there are no jobs waiting for you! You'll be lucky to be third Xerox attendant (and nobody 'Xeroxes' anymore, dated dad jokester!) -- and anyone who tells you "chicks dig it" is an ass. This country cares jack for veterans when it comes to cash on the barrel, as opposed to happy bullshit: go ask one from the current century.

The rest of Schlichter's "advice" boils down to how college and law school are now a total waste of time because there aren't any jobs anymore because of right wing economics, but that's OK because he came up in the 1980s and had the GI Bill and got to booze his way into a law degree and is now paid to write "humor" columns, all without ever having to be in a fucking actual shooting war or having to learn how not to come across as a total prick to any 21st -century real-life young person.

In conclusion, Schlichter tells young (the white is silent) men that the way to have a fulfilling heterosexual relationship is to always remember that what ultimately counts is a dick-swinging contest with other men in which women only matter like Monopoly money or some shit, as opposed to trying to find someone you like and who likes you back in the sense that you're two human beings who care for each other or somesuch LIBERAL BULLSHIT.

21st century wingnuttery has many pathologies, but perhaps the most astonishing -- and revealing -- is that these twits sincerely think that everyone loves them.