Janet Yellen has been confirmed as the very first Girl Chairman of the Federal Reserve.
Let us be wary and beware.
For Janet has been described as Highly Progressive -- and as has been proven by our nation's Thought Leaders, Liberalism and Progressivism are extremely girly.
And it cannot be denied that Janet, suspiciously, appears to be, in many ways, a girl.
THUS!
Do we have any Real Evidence that Janet's first action as the first Girl Chairman of the Federal Reserve will not be to change all the moneys from a manly green to a girly pink?
No.
We do not.
Moreover, we have no proof that Janet will not immediately replace George Washington's portrait with that of Princess Celestia.
THIS IS SHOCKING STUFF FOR CHILDREN TO HAVE TO SEE ON THEIR MONEYS.
Oh, to be sure, there may be some who would claim that the effect of this move on Janet's part will be to stimulate and even arouse Consumer Demand. After all, everyone knows how girls like shopping. And how they wear makeup to distract men from thinking about God, so they can marry them for their man moneys.
But the results of the pink moneys would be ruinous! Ever since Our Founding Fathers originalistically established the Federal Reserve Chairmanship in the Constitution, these chairmen have been manly chairmen, and under their wise tutelage, the National Football League has waxed profitable.
What will become of this proud national manly tradition if we have to pay PINK MONEY to watch mostly poor young men give each other highly masculine concussions? Will PINK MONEY make our proud American brain-damage pageantry seem UNMANLY?
This price -- the Pink Price -- is far too high.
This man-logic of mine has BEEN PROVED BY SCIENCE. MAN-SCIENCE.
Over at the Notional Review the masculine manly man David French explains how mannishly happy he is because he is a man who is manly. His happy joy stands in stark contrast to the chronic sadness of the liberal "man":
Finally, as a result of upbringing and relationships, liberal men often lack a distinctively masculine purpose. Ask most conservative men to define their roles — whether they’re firefighters or accountants — and they’ll often respond with words like “protector” or “provider” — even when they’re married to capable, strong women with their own careers. They’re glad for their wife’s success, but they view that success as independent of their ultimate responsibilities. Many liberal men would actively scorn such labels. Indeed, at the end of the day, many men are left with nothing distinctively male about them, aside from their biology. And they often feel a hole in their heart.
As French explains, his conclusions are based upon Science, specifically the extremely butch social science produced by the University of Chicago, which is a famous place where manly tweedy academic men smoke pipes packed with Axe-brand body tobacco.
Thus, French's conclusions are incontrovertible; I dare you to controvert them without sounding like a girl.
The chilling conclusion is that if men have to be protecting providers with pink moneys, AND WE HAVE PROVEN THAT JANET WANTS TO MAKE ALL THE MONEYS PINK, even conservative women and men will have a sad.
And right now, conservatives are every bit as totally secure and happy with their fervent beliefs about men & women as the Heaven's Gate folks were with their sneakers right up until 26 March 1997.
SO WHAT TO DO?
DO THIS NOW. Send me a lot of the traditional, soon-to-be-banned by BIG GOVERNMENT green money, obviously, before it goes pink. I will spray it with Axe Body Spray for you, according to a secret man-method, so it remains properly butch. Then I will spend it on Man-Things like whiskey, and also more whiskey. DO THIS NOW.
There is obviously no hope that that big girl President Obama will do the right thing here, after he pussied out on Larry Summers.