Heigh-ho, heigh-ho, it's off to nuts we go...
What do you have for us this week?
Pause and reflect on this hypocrisy: The Department of Justice prosecutes young hackers who use computers to promote free speech while highly educated adults within the DOJ threaten to use lethal drone force against American citizens without due process. Which is worse?
Well, uh, what?
The DoJ is prosecuting "young hackers who use computers"? Is that not rather a point in their favor, as a sting aimed at "young hackers who don't use computers" might well turn out an absolute bust?
And do there as a factual matter exist "highly educated adults within the DOJ [who] threaten to use lethal drone force against American citizens without due process"? This is a controversial issue...
Never mind.
Certainly, I do not condone hacking. However, you and I need to start talking about the best way to handle cyber-attacks while also recognizing that the same government officials we trust to protect us are assaulting our constitutional freedoms.
Well, I suppose I agree that this thing that is bad but is also good because of foreigners who are bad while at the same time the we who is us are also the them who are us who are bad simultaneously.
Well put....
Last month, cyber security firm Mandiant released an explosive, 76-page report indicating that the Chinese government is most likely sanctioning and responsible for a bulk of the cyber-attacks against the U.S. government and American companies.
These are indeed tough bananas.
Did you know that Apple co-founders Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak were famous pranksters?
Gosh. Anecdotes about Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak exist? On the Internet?
What a find!
And then...
One of the world’s top-ranking hacktivists, Christopher Doyon, faces 15 years for a 30-minute online protest against Santa Cruz County’s website and is now seeking temporary asylum in Canada. Why don’t we figure out a way to leverage this talent in a positive way?
Well, uh, I don't know. A related question would be "why is he being prosecuted, and does this make sense"? And then, "have we asked him"? Or even before that, "who is 'we,'" paleface?
Throwing smart, talented hackers in jail or sending them scurrying to Canada will likely incite more cyber-attacks. Perhaps we could offer these young hackers immunity from prosecution in exchange for a position protecting U.S. infrastructure, cellphone networks and utilities from foreign cyber-attacks. They might refuse the offer but it seems worth a shot.
Well, that is something like an idea! GEEKS DEFY BEIJING!
I also think our government should try to peacefully and productively harness the incredible talent in these young hackers instead of letting it go to waste in a prison cell. I am not saying we should reward hacktivists for damaging pranks. Hacking is wrong. However, I am sure most Americans are glad that Steve Jobs, Bill Joy and Steve Wozniak did not waste their youth and talent in prison because they were smart and bold enough to experiment with hacking. Plus, don’t you question the integrity of DOJ officials who propose using drones against American citizens while acting like they are heroes for hunting down teenage programmers?
The federal government has no business, per the Constitution, hyper-regulating our free speech or commerce on the internet. Hacker groups like Anonymous oppose excessive government intrusion and will continue to disrupt sites like the Department of Justice until our government starts reforming its ways.
Uh, the federal government has precisely such business, per the Constitution and a couple hundred years of federal jurisprudence.
And I'm not even sure Anonymous are libertarian like that as opposed to just a "bunch of online assholes." Which is not an insult! I'm an online asshole! But I'm a left-liberal online asshole, and I own that and make no apologies. Anonymous, I don't know; they're their own thing, though, and if you want to claim them as Your Cool in a fucking Townhall column...
Whatever.