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Posted by ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© and cross-posted at my place. Mouse over pics for captions, and click them for larger versions.
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I'm Not Sure If This Has Ever Yet Been Mentioned -- Jonah Goldberg Is Kind Of an Idiot

The current incarnation of the Supreme Court of the United States has perhaps decided that it has the sacred duty to remind the nation that all things politely considered, Jefferson Davis had a fair point reasonably expressed, after all. And even if he did not, it is all Water under the Bridge and Laffs now ha ha ha, nobody would ever do anything so gauche as to make it hard for black people to vote, if you ignore many of the major policy and law initiatives of the Republican Party, anyway. (Note: last link totally fucking QED to the fucking QED.)

Bluntness.

The Republican Party does not want black people to vote.

This is just fucking obviously true. It is utterly obviously true. THE GOP DOES NOT WANT BLACK PEOPLE TO VOTE.

Everybody knows this. Dogs know this.

However, you can't just come out and say stupid shit like this.

No, what you need is a colossally naive halfwit to at least attempt to prove that horseshit can equate to a whitewash, as opposed to a brown chunk-shower...

Meaning the Selected Dope has to have to pretend that there are High Moral Principles involved in making it hard for black people to vote.

Hello, Jonah Goldberg.

I can only hope that the scourge of racism is finally purged from Stewartstown and Pinkham's Grant. These are two of 10 New Hampshire towns covered by Section 5 of the Voting Rights Act of 1965, which requires local officials to get permission, or "preclearance," on any changes to their election laws.

Stewartstown has just over a thousand souls in it and is 99 percent white. In 1970, when it was put under the authority of Section 5, the census listed two blacks out of its 1,008 residents. Pinkham's Grant boasts nine residents, and it must also beg Washington for permission to make any changes to how it votes.

In 1970, New Hampshire required all of its citizens to pass a literacy test to register to vote. But Pinkham's Grant, Stewartstown and the other eight towns also had low voter-participation rates. These two factors -- a test of any kind for voting and participation rates under 50 percent -- met the criteria for oversight under Section 5.

But after years of onerous preparation, the state filed for a "bailout" from the oversight provisions of Section 5 in November. And although the Justice Department hasn't taken a whole state off its watch list since the early 1980s (back when that hotbed of Jim Crow, Maine, was taken off the list), New Hampshire will probably be let off the hook.

If we are being extremely charitable and granting Goldberg a point here, that point is utterly opaque, or else asinine.

First, it is not goofy at all that we have a federal law that looks out for that one person in that one strange place who wants to do that one most basic American thing: vote.

"Literacy Tests" are anti-democratic. You don't have to be able to read to be able to vote. You just have to have be an American.

That apparently means less to our right wing friends than it means to me.

Those two people Jonah sneers at in that small place? Fuck him, I'm proud the federal government is there for them. That's my United States.

You know? Goldberg's piece continues as to being stupid, but I will rest here.

YES. The MOST appropriate use of federal power is to ensure that every single American gets a fair chance to vote and to have that vote counted.

I swear to fucking Christ, they want to fight the Civil War all over again. Goldberg is too stupid to know it, but that's kind of what it is, no? They want a National Reboot, only Done Right. Far Right.

You Can't Play in Our Pillow-Fortress... of Freedom!

There is no room in the Big Circus Tent of CPAC for Chris Christie, not even, apparently, in the Great Big Shouty Far-Right Clown Car.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was not invited to speak at the annual CPAC conference this year because he broke with conservatives on key issues over the past year, according to American Conservative Union Chairman Al Cardenas.

Cardenas, whose group organizes the conference, wrote in an e-mail to National Journal that while CPAC was “proud” to invite Christie last year based on his record of balancing the budget and taking on teachers unions, Christie’s record over the past year is far less conservative.

“CPAC is like the all-star game for professional athletes; you get invited when you have had an outstanding year,” Cardenas said. “Hopefully he will have another all-star year in the future, at which time we will be happy to extend an invitation. This is a conservative conference, not a Republican Party event.”

Cardenas cited Christie’s decision to expand Medicaid under President Obama’s health care law and his support of a $60 billion aid package for Hurricane Sandy victims, which he argued was filled with wasteful spending.

This is extraordinary for several reasons, the idea that Christie is anathema for accepting federal finds after a massive natural disaster because it also included money to help other places facing serious problems not least among them.

But the punchline is the idea that you need to "have an all-star conservative year" in order to be graced with an invitation to hobnob with the crazies at the premier national event for America's most distinguished and glamorous far-right shitterati.

Because who did the Conservative Union consider honor-worthy based upon having an astonishingly successful 2012 "all-star year"?

Mitt Romney.

And Sarah Palin. And Newt Gingrich. And a whole lot of the other usual goobers.

You know, people who could never, never, ever win an election, unlike, say... Chris Christie.

The "Conservative Movement" is composed of a mass of lunatic idiots led by con artists. Excuse me -- by "all stars."

This is very wonderful.

Huggies From Uncle Rushie Make the Ouchies from the Femmy-Nazzis Go Bye-Bye

So, apparently smarmy cartoon lounge-lizard Seth MacFarlane pulled some smarmy cartoon lounge-lizardy shit at the Academy Rewards show.

MacFarlane is, according to a fascinating item at Big Dead Dumb Breitbart, quite taken aback and sad and weepy about how when you knowingly perpetrate smarmy cartoon lounge-lizardy shit at the Academy Rewards show... lots of people will go ahead and call you a smarmy cartoon lounge-lizard shit.

Fortunately he has discovered some jowls to cry on.

I've been in the recording studio with Seth, and I don't care what you think of him: The man is profoundly, supremely talented. Now, there are a lot of characterizations about how he uses it and what direction he takes it, but there's no denying his talent, and he's a profoundly hard worker. I sent him an attaboy note yesterday morning. I sent him a wish-you-well kind of note. He wrote back and said, "You know what? I kind of understand how you conservatives feel about the media now."

I'm sure he does. I'm sure he does.

600 1950s Helens Agree: We Want to Come

Sometimes the Internet presents one with extraordinary coinkydinks and correspondences.

Last week we discovered that it is a very bad thing indeed to teach extremely young college-age women about how to have satisfying orgasms.

But also this relic of the Golden Sexist Age surfaced.

It's a distillation of what 600 1950s housewives wanted from their husbands. This was the Prize:

"Ardent lover -- sees that wife has orgasm in marital congress. (20)"

BE IT RESOLVED THIS DAY IN THE MARITAL CONGREFFS OF THESE UNITED STATEFS: homina homina.

I'm kind of with the "fucking is enjoyable if everyone gets off" party.

I think that particular party will win many elections unless one of those weird Doctor Who things happens and tomorrow we wake up and Archbishop John Charles McQuaid turns out to be the Supreme Dalek who decrees nobody gets to come unless it is to fully-wimpled lingerie ads in Nuns Wear Daily, or else, Lord Save Us, this, whatever the fuck that may be, and I am crying inside and it hurts please make it go away.

PS (Note: the video below explains the "Helens agree" joke in the post title. Nothing human can explain the Malkin video linked in the last sentence; the works of one Mr. Lovecraft may very well in this regard prove less than satisfactory.)

"God doesn't flip-flop"

Good grief.

A veteran New York Assemblyman on Monday stood by his decision to wear blackface makeup, an Afro wig and a basketball jersey to a costume party in the face of criticism he called “political correctness to the absurd.”

Democratic Assemblyman Dov Hikind wrote on his blog Monday that he doesn’t understand the criticism swirling around Albany and doesn’t know why anyone would be offended by the costume he wore to a party he recently held at his home in Brooklyn to celebrate the Jewish holiday of Purim.

Hikind hired a makeup artist and wore an orange basketball jersey, sunglasses and an Afro at the celebration that traditionally includes costumes....

And there is more.

Earlier this month, Hikind criticized the fashion designer John Galliano, who was recently photographed in New York City dressing as a Hasid with a long jacket and curly sidelocks. Two years ago, Galliano was fired from Christian Dior after his anti-Semitic rant was caught on video.

Hikind demanded an explanation from Galliano for his costume.

“If it was just anyone else, I wouldn’t know what to say. But considering who this guy is, considering his background and what he’s said in the past, let him explain it to all of us: Are you mocking us?” Hikind told the New York Post.

And still more.

In Albany, Hikind has championed some conservative and religion-based issues. In 2009, he opposed an early vote to legalize same-sex marriage“It is about what I believe God wants,” Hikind said then. “God doesn’t flip-flop on an issue.”

And, of course, there is a punchline:

Hikind reiterated to WCBS reporter Alex Silverman that it "never crossed my mind for a second" that blackface is off-limits. "If I was black," Hikind said, "on Purim I would have made my face white."

And indeed, exactly that has happened at nearly every Purim party thrown by African-Americans throughout history.

Hello Arglebargle!

Here is an extremely catalectic exemplar of semi-competent masterwork.

We discover that the reason the United States wastes so much money on healthcare is The Government, and that if we all pitch in together, someday soon we might achieve the astoundingly efficient healthcare spending rates of a country like Somalia.

Also there is bad grammar.

Your Sport is Stupid

What?

Since 1959, racers and fans alike have gathered at Daytona International Speedway in February for the Great American Race.

On Sunday, NASCAR’s Sprint Cup competitors will race with heavy hearts in the Daytona 500 after at least 28 people — with reports of more — were injured in the frontstretch grandstand on the final lap of the Nationwide Series event after Kyle Larson’s car catapulted into the catchfence.

But race they will.

“We've always known since racing was started this is a dangerous sport,” said Saturday’s winner and three-time Cup champion Tony Stewart. “But it's hard. We assume that risk. It's hard when the fans get caught up in it.

“As much as we want to celebrate right now, as much as this is a big deal to us, I'm more worried about the drivers and fans in the stands right now. I could see it all in the mirror, and it didn't look good from where I was, either.

“It's like you want to put on good races, but not at the risk of the drivers and the fans like this. It's a hard thing for NASCAR. There's no easy solution, never has been. NASCAR is an extremely smart group. They're doing everything they can to keep this from happening. That's the main thing.”

The NASCAR community has experienced tragedy in the past and persevered, whether it was the loss of seven-time champion Dale Earnhardt or fourth-generation racer Adam Petty, who both died behind the wheel of a race car.

For the love of fuck.

Today in Scary Gummint Bang-Bang Grab Nooz

Shouty nitwit Jim Hoft has a Shocking Report about how the Tyrant Obama is kicking defenseless veterans inna fork and stealing their pop-guns.

This must be Barack Obama’s way of thanking our veterans for serving. US veterans are receiving letters from the government informing them that they are disabled and not allowed to own, purchase or possess a firearm. If the veteran does decide to purchase a firearm he will by fined, imprisoned or both.

I'd accuse Hoft of deliberately blurring a key distinction between disabled and incompetent; the letter that he immediately quotes makes this clear. But Hoft is far too stupid to do anything "deliberately," so we must be charitable as to his motives.

At any rate all that is going on is that the VA has been informed that certain veterans are unable because of physical or mental disability to handle their own financial affairs, so they are sending out letters to these veterans to this effect, letters that also inform them that if they have been declared mentally or physically incompetent, the law says they can't have guns. This is something that at first blush normal people would call "a good idea," but that the Hofties among us instantly consider further sufficient cause for violent insurrection, at least to judge by the keen minds of his comments section. As we are soberly advised:

STATE ISSUED ID IS THE SAME AS THE DRIVERS LICENSE. SCHOOL KIDS ARE BEING TRACKED THE SAME WAY. CARRY AROUND SOME STRONG MAGNETS AND EXPOSE THE ID TO STRONG MAGNETS. THEN THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO TRACK YOU. A CAR MAGNENT WILL WORK FINE!

Well, somebody's id has been exposed to strong magnets -- that much is clear.

Hoft learned of this Outrage from a site called "Red Flag," probably because it is proudly Communist, in a News Alert "Written By Constitutional Attorney Michael Connelly, J.D." (Do I shit thee? I shit thee not. That's what he calls himself. He is an attorney and he has a J. D. Those are the most powerful kinds of attorneys, the ones with J. D.s. They are so badass they can capitalize prepositions. So back off.)

Constitutional Attorney Michael Connelly, J. D., sounds the alarm in prose empurpled:

How would you feel if you received a letter from the U.S. Government informing you that because of a physical or mental condition that the government says you have it is proposing to rule that you are incompetent to handle your own financial affairs? Suppose that letter also stated that the government is going to appoint a stranger to handle your affairs for you at your expense? That would certainly be scary enough but it gets worse.

What if that letter also stated: “A determination of incompetency will prohibit you from purchasing, possessing, receiving, or transporting a firearm or ammunition. If you knowingly violate any of these prohibitions, you may be fined, imprisoned, or both pursuant to the Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act, Pub.L.No. 103-159, as implemented at 18, United States Code 924(a)(2).”?

That makes is sound like something right from a documentary on a tyrannical dictatorship somewhere in the world. Yet, as I write this I have a copy of such a letter right in front of me. It is being sent by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs to hundreds, perhaps thousands, of America’s heroes.

"Tyrannical dictatorship"? No, it sounds like something that was written by the VA.

Constitutional Attorney Michael Connelly, J. D., could have bothered to use the Google on the Internet, but maybe they don't teach you how to do that in J. D. school. If he had done so, he might have learned that there are indeed problems with the VA in regards to its fiduciary program, but that these have nothing to do with his screeching headline, "OBAMA THREATENING VETERANS' GUN RIGHTS." They have instead to do with this.

For decades, theft and fraud have plagued the fiduciary program, in which the VA appoints a family member or a stranger to manage money for veterans the government considers incapacitated. The magnitude and pace of those thefts has increased, despite VA promises of reform. Three of the largest scams – ranging from about $900,000 to $2 million – each persisted 10 years or more before being discovered.

That wily Obama, coming up with a gun-confiscation plan that had led to abuses that occured, as per that link, in 1999.

There is certainly the usual amount of comedy in this latest wingnut eruption, including the sensible contributions of Travis Bickle's less stable and accomplished descendents. But it's also potentially quite nasty, injecting as it does a giant heaping assload of irrelevant paranoia into a situation that ought to be considered a hell of a lot more seriously, especially by any veteran directly affected. 

The Coming Conservative Resurgence

Prominent right-wing leader Jon Huntsman has announced that gay marriage is a "conservative" issue:

conservatives should start to lead again and push their states to join the nine others that allow all their citizens to marry. I’ve been married for 29 years. My marriage has been the greatest joy of my life. There is nothing conservative about denying other Americans the ability to forge that same relationship with the person they love.

It's surely welcome to hear Huntsman coming out in favor of basic civil rights.

And who knows? Huntsman is, as is commonly acknowledged, an electrifying political presence with a lot of influence with his party's base, and he has until 2016 to convince the American right that marriage equality is, indeed, a defining "conservative" belief. He has plenty of time to lay the groundwork for a primary candidate who supports gay rights but at the same time has a strong record as a rock-ribbed economic right-winger.

Right now, given Huntsman's advocacy, you just gotta consider Andy Cuomo the frontrunner for the 2016 GOP nomination. It's his race to lose.