It's a mystery for the ages...
I would douche anything for love, but I won't douche hat.
I imagine this is what might happen if Jonah Goldberg ever ate himself.
Speaking of Jonah...our fair Goldberg has been proudly keeping Ahab off-course since 1969
Have you met Michael Brendan Donuty Dougherty? No? Good. He'll take away your birth control and then try to lick you.
And, no, I do not provide free eye bleach because that would be SOCIALIST.
I know this post is looksist. I blame the Patriarchy.