So, this. Mitt Romney has succeeded at monogamous heterosexuality on the first try, and thus he deserves your vote!
Many of the other candidates' spouses are fixtures on the campaign trail, and some, like Anita Perry, hold their own public events. But few have public schedules as busy as Ann Romney's.
She melts crowds with her stories of how her husband comforted her in her "hardest hour," when she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (telling her he didn't care if they ate cold cereal every night for the rest of their lives); and how he used to call home during his business trips when she was a young mother of five sons to say, "Remember, Ann, what you are doing is more important than what I am doing."
He teases her publicly about her "fiscal discipline." She corrects him aloud when he misspeaks at his events. They hold hands. They exchange tender glances. The chemistry between them is unmistakable.
Well, he was firing people, so she was doing something more important.
This article irritates.
I'm a heterosexual in a long-term monagamous relationship sanctioned by government. My marriage has produced three children. (We would have been happy with two, but, uh, er, we love our little boy....)
Do you know why I am a male in a long-term government-sanctioned child-producing monagamous relationship with a female?
DO YOU?
Uh, if so, let me know, because fucked if I do.
I'm convinced that I'm rather an outlier, frankly. But whatever. It just, well, happened, because it is who I am. I'm no better or worse than anyone else who is what they are. Don't get me wrong: I'm in love! It's great! But my heterosexual fidelity has no bearing on, say, my competency to address the foreign policy challenges posed by North Korea. Why anyone should imagine otherwise is tit-loony nuts.
THE JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF: Holy Jesus, they launched nukes at California.
THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF: I dutifully penetrate the vagina of my sweet lady wife in lawful coitus for purposes of procreation. We win.
ALL: Huzzah!
This is the sort of shit that annoys:
The theme has salience for voters like Jean Johnson, 86, who met Romney for the second time Thursday at the farm and hardware store in her hometown of Lancaster. She cupped his hands in hers to tell him he had her vote.
"We study the people, and being in the North Country we have such an opportunity to see and hear them," Johnson of the candidates.
She said that she had looked at Gingrich — "but I couldn't vote for him, let's put it that way."
"He's got too much baggage," she added. "I'm not saying he wouldn't do a good job, but I wouldn't pick him over Romney.
"I look at it this way: If you can't work at a marriage and make that work, how can you make the government work?"
This sweet old lady is a fucking idiot.
Thanks though to Maeve Reston at the LA Times for telling us how Mitt Romney is probably balling his wife every so often. That's just super reporting. It matters.
And it is just so sensible that self righteous octagenarians in remote areas of New Hampshire get dibs on picking which transparent comical fraud may get to lead the free world based solely on issues of acceptable/unaccceptable fucking.
I'm not knocking monogomous heterosexuality, understand. Nor even heterosexuality in general. Mine is a legitimate lifestyle choice. All I mean is that being straight and married and a dad gives me no special insight into the capital gains tax. Though maybe if I pressured a 19-year-old-intern into some sort of quid-pro-quo at my hedge fund, I could be persuaded otherwise. It is a strange and wonderful world.
February: This Is Our House - Let Us In!
March: A Suet Day For Golf
April: We're going for a two point conversion...fish versus bird and Mourning Cloak butterfly.
May: David Brooks' Raptor Jesus scoop
June: Clouded Sulphur, Colias philodice
