Context: Yesterday I took the 10-Year-Old to New York City to visit the Museum of Natural History, where, thanks to the Miracle of Modern Science, a small salad in the Food Court costs an impressive $46. I blame Al Gore. Also there were no real live dinosaurs and Ben Stiller doesn't really work there (the Hall of Fossil Projects So Grating, Corny, and Trite, Even Ben Stiller Said Fuck No, is apparently still awaiting sponsorship, but Robin Williams probably endows it in his will, so be careful what you wish for, except if you've ever seen Patch Adams, in which case go ahead and wish for Vengeful Death, fair enough).
Anyway. To get to the City on the route we chose, we crossed the Tappan Zee. I like my kid, so in between playfully pelting him with empty cans of malt liquor in a fond paternal fashion, I spoke to him Educationally about the geography and history of the places we were passing.
ME. Hey, look, we're going over the Tappan Zee bridge... look out your window, see those cliffs? Those are called the Palisades.
The 10 Year Old. Really....? Cool! Hey dad?
ME. Yes?
T10YO: I read about the Palisades! In one of my books for science class!
ME. I'm sure you did. The Palisades are a Geological Marvel and are often mentioned as such in textbooks.
T10YO: Cool! Dad...?
ME. Yes?
T10YO: What did you say this bridge was called?
ME. The "Tappan Zee."
T10YO: Why is it called that?
ME. Uh, because this is a Zee that is extremely Tappan (traffic becoming challenging, trying not to die in car crash in midst of pondering legitimate questions of intelligent 10-Year-Old -- tricky dilemma)
T10YO. DAD.
ME. (In fairness to me, just saved son, self, from getting clipped by maniac in SUV) Uh, Shambles (nickname for son, long story), it's basically Dutch. Long ago the Dutch were the first people to explore the Hudson River, which we're crossing.
T10YO. Dad. The Indians found it first.
ME. That they did. You're right.
SON. Interesting...
LATER. In the Bronx.
T10YO. Dad... why did the Dutch get to call it the "Tappan Zee," when the Indians called it something else and they were there first, and then the Dutch didn't get to call New York something Dutch?
ME. Drink more malt liquor, son, or get a different dad.
All right, I wasn't that bad. But good grief, deal with an intelligent inquisitive 10 Year Old and at the same time Bronx traffic? Oy. On your toes, you're kept.
Later, trying to recover lost ground:
ME. Hey, you remember -- we told you that New York used to be Dutch, long ago. We played you the Istanbul/Constantinople song... "Even Old New York, was once New Amsterdam..."
T10YO. (Exceedingly thoughtful) That's right, you did...
The punchline, of course:
T10YO. Dad?
ME. Yeah?
T10YO. I always thought the line was, "Even old New York, was once New Hamster Town."
ME. Well, you got that wrong, but I still like it.
T10YO. OK then.
Right.