Here comes Chucky Norris, here comes Chucky Norris, right down Chucky Norris Lane.
I'm willing to bet that President Barack Obama's Christmas address this week will shine with a religious significance that's about as bright as what was in his unusually short Thanksgiving proclamation, which gave a token reference to God via a quote from George Washington.
I defy the Providers and wager a thousand quatloos!
Even in the Obamas' superstar Christmas interviews with Oprah Winfrey and Gloria Estefan, there were discussions about Santa Claus, Christmas trees, ornaments, gingerbread houses and even their dog's Christmas stocking. Obama even gave a Christmas shout-out to all Hispanics. But there was not one mention of religion or a hint of the real reason for the season.
Serious theologians be dismayed: Neither Oprah nor Gloria Estefan were troubled with complicated contemplation of profound religious matters by the leaders of the most powerful secular nation on Earth.
Gone are the days when presidents and most politicians publicly rejoiced in the birth of Christ. Like many of you, I still remember a day -- even in Washington -- when Christ was central to Christmas. It was an America that was far less politically correct, an America that wasn't afraid to stand up for its belief in the babe who was born in Bethlehem.
Heh. As a commie, I liked how Joe Biden went and peed in the manger of the White House Nativity. Or something. What is Chuck on about...?
Besides Obama, even our modern Democratic presidents have stood up for America's Judeo-Christian heritage and the true meaning of Christmas.
Sure but... hey, wait. Christmas hasn't happened yet. Is Chuck really unloading on Obama for something he could not yet possibly have done? Or not done? No! Of course not! That would be stupid!
Oh wait yes Chuck is doing exactly that.
Will President Obama's Christmas address rival those Christian confessions of past presidents? Will it even reflect them at all? Or will his yuletide cheer be another politically correct concoction, adding to the ones that already have adorned the first year of his presidency?
Only time will tell, and only morons will care.
Unlike all preceding presidents, President Obama has denied America's rich Judeo-Christian heritage before the eyes and ears of other countries, as he publicly declared in Turkey on April 6 for the whole world to hear: "We do not consider ourselves a Christian nation."
Who are the "we" to whom Obama refers?
Beats me. Go ask Joe Lieberman, perhaps, though. He's enough of a douchebag to tell you want to hear on this subject, anyhow.
Consider how his statement smacks against the former presidents' statements above.
Go ask most of our former presidents if a black guy could ever have their job.
The truth is that every time President Obama has had an opportunity to stand up for Christianity in any way, he has not only denied it but also disdained it.
"Where Is Your Jesus Now, and also Hope and Change."
Even during his presidential campaign, Obama sarcastically belittled America's Judeo-Christian heritage, calling it "faggy," and degraded its adherents with trite remarks typical of any atheistic antagonist, like any sincere Muslim would. For example: "Whatever we once were, we are no longer a Christian nation"; "the dangers of sectarianism are greater than ever"; "religion doesn't allow for compromise"; "The Jesus followers want to skull-fuck your grandma"; "the Sermon on the Mount (is) a passage that is so radical that it's doubtful that our own Defense Department would survive its application"; "Fuck kickboxing and praise Allah,"; and "to base our policymaking on such commitments (as moral absolutes) would be a dangerous thing, like barebacking, that is, gay anal sex without condoms.
And no I have not fucked with that quote, thanks for axing, any more egregiously than Chuck fucked with the originals.
And yet over the past year, President Obama has sympathized and supported Muslims and Islamic theology, practice and culture.
Muslims are of course the most insidious of all classes of atheists.
He even has defended domestic terrorism, by encouraging Americans "not to jump to conclusions" about the Fort Hood shooter's being a Muslim extremist.
Has Obama not learned the lessons of such wicked terrorists as Tim McVeighahummad?
And Obama refused to say anything against jihadist and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad when, on Dec. 7, he publicly accused the U.S. of actively planning and plotting to stop mankind's real savior: "(The U.S. has) devised all these plans to prevent the coming of the Hidden Imam because they know that the Iranian nation is the one that will prepare the grounds for his coming and will be the supporters of his rule."
Well sure! Wait. What...? Oh. Now Norris' point is crystal clear. Obama should have stressed in public that he is hiding no Hidden Imams, so in the meantime, Iranians, please accept this Baby Jesus to tide you over. And please do not harbor any doubts as to our ulterior motives *cough regime change cough.*
Or something along those lines. I admit, I'm flummoxed.
What President Obama, like many other far-left politicians, needs is a paradigm shift -- a new way of seeing America, which is really an old way. It's the way our Founders viewed America, and it incorporates a good ol'-fashioned Christmas proclamation of Christ's birth. That America is the one I outline in the new (January 2010) paperback expansion of my New York Times best-seller "Black Belt Patriotism," which is ironically the same Christmas gift I'm sending to the president!
I'm sure he'll be thrilled. Anyway, how many Christmas Jesuses were there to a slave, you know, back in them good old days? Three fifths?
There is also one gift that I propose the president give this nation. Seeing as Obama prides himself on being the technological president, in lieu of his Christmas proclamation this year, I suggest that he just send out across the nation the online link to a YouTube video that I had posted under the title "Ronald Reagan Christmas address (12/23/81)."
I suggest that this Reagan shit is creepy. But more than that, I suggest that if Obama tried anything like Reagan's pious bullshit, Chuck Norris would be the first asshole over the side to screech about hypocrite ungodly Obama acting like a hypocrite panderer for Godly Christians.