Whiskey Fire

Happy Holidays

by Monica_A:

Allow me to post my favorite holiday video of all time.

Your Eyes Do Not Deceive You

by Monica_A

Fuck it, Chrome. You win. Post deleted.

PS: When you've arranged security, food preparation and private prayers with an Imam for the head of a Middle Eastern country, let me know.

The Two Cheeks of Erickson

Erick, Son of Erick, is angry at Democrats because they are Race Baiting. Here is the title of the post where he Lays it All Out for us:

If you oppose health care deform, you are a racist, hate-spouting, Aryan who roots for the assassination of Barack Obama

Gracious how shocking.

But now let's scroll down the Red State home page. And hey, what's this? Another post from the Son of Erick! A post that carefully eschews race baiting!

Shorter Ben Nelson: Killing Indian Babies is Fine, Just Don’t Kill White Babies

Wheeeee! 

At moments like these, there is not much to add in the way of commentary. All we can do is to watch the free-GIF Leprechauns dance. (This is a four Leprechaun post, I believe. With a Toilet-Fishing Gnome to grow on!)

H-E-Double Hockey Sticks

Two pictures! Picture one, rising sea levels (source):

 

Picture two, rising filibuster levels (source):

Plan your future real estate investments accordingly.

So Very Proud to Show the Mess They've Made

Shorter Wingnuttia, in response to this:

Let's hear it for Red China, making Obambi look like a fag. That's so cool.

No, really. "Speak to the wrist" -- the limp wrist! Noted asshole Dan Riehl: "Stomping his feet is out. Michelle won't tolerate it around the kids, from him, anyway. You dropped your gauntlet, Obambi."

Of course, what kills the US position in Copenhagen is the US Senate and the GOP overall with its lunatic climate nihilism. There's just no chance that our insane US Senate will do anything to address global catastrophe, which makes it hard to negotiate on the world stage, whatever you may think of Obama's own attitudes towards the issue. Because if you think Lieberman is an asshole now, just wait a few months. And wait for Nelson to say we can't do anything about emissions until federal marshals are dispatched to the side of all pregnant woman with instructions to shoot them in the leg if they come within a half mile of an Abortionist.

Which is what makes Obama gay and pussywhipped by his horrible wife and why we should all be pleased at the behavior of the Red Chinese, who are so wonderfully butch.

The wingnut perspective on the world is truly an intricate phenomenon.

by Ripley

Is reform needed? Is it through you?

The greater the reform needed, the greater the personality you need

to accomplish it.

You! do you not see how it would serve to have eyes, blood,

complexion, clean and sweet?

Do you not see how it would serve to have such a Body and Soul, that

when you enter the crowd, an atmosphere of desire and command

enters with you, and every one is impress'd with your

personality?

O the magnet! the flesh over and over!

Go, dear friend! if need be, give up all else, and commence to-day to

inure yourself to pluck, reality, self-esteem, definiteness,

elevatedness;

Rest not, till you rivet and publish yourself of your own

personality.

(For this post, let's skip the Godlsteinian arguments about authorial intent and take the words for what they are, OK?)

Back in 2008, when whatshisface and his buddies were still ransacking the Treasury and skullfucking the American Dream, a question popped into my mind but I never bothered to write about it.  See, I had a feeling that America would wake up and kick some Congressional assholes in the teeth and we just might have a fighting chance in the future, so I didn't bother to ask the question.  Then I figured that a majority in the House, a newly elected Democratic President and a slim Democratic majority in the Senate would start nudging America back to something that resembled a nation that gave even the slightest fuck about its citizens.  Alack and alas...

So, it's nearly 2010 and I find myself compelled to ask the question again.  We've been asking it for decades, of course, but for some reason it seems like no one's even trying to hide the anwer anymore - so fuck it, let's just get it out in the open, right?  Here's what I want to know from our Representatives and Senators, their aides and staffers, and the rest of the damned Borg in D.C.:

Who matters to you?  May we see the list?

It's a rather simple question to answer, really.  There's something like 320 million people in the United States and, obviously, most of us don't matter to the folks in D.C.  Frankly, I can't imagine there are more than a few thousand people whose welfare, health and/or families actually hold any meaning to the folks in our government.  So, why can't we see the list?

Hell, I'll make it easy and give them a head start.  Let's see... there's KBR executives, CitiGroup executives, Goldman Sachs executives, Blackwater/Xce, AIG executives, Rupert Murdoch/Fox "News", Dick Cheney & his straight daughter, Joe Lieberman & his ego, Boeing executives, General Dynamics executives, former Bush/Cheney administration employees who might have done something that could invite criminal charges, Rick Warren (the fuck??), AT&T executives... Like I said, just a head start.

But seriously.  Can we see the list of people who are, what?... worthy? cool? gnarly? mind-blowingly wealthy enough to garner your attention?  There's got to be a very small list of people you actually care about, right?  Cuz, from where I'm sitting, it seems there's a lot of us who aren't on your list.  C'mon, your staffers could have that list out by next Monday.

It is about money?  Celebrity?  Your ego?  Are we doing something wrong?  Do you need more attention from us, the polloi?  I guarantee you, there are plenty of us who are more than happy to stroke your ego for some health insurance or money for good jobs.  Shit, we'll e-mail all our friends and tell them how great you are if you'd give us a god damned chance at a better life.  People are dying because we're not on your list.

And I like to think that this isn't a Republican or Democratic thing, a blue state or red state thing.  I know plenty of Republicans who are sick and can't afford health care, plenty of Democrats who would jump at the chance to rebuild our local infrastructure, plenty of Independents who would love to take a class or two to advance their career.  But, evidently, they're not on the list.  And you know what?  They're hurting, scraping by, and pissed off!  Because they're not on the list.

So, do us all a favor, will ya?  Just publish the list of the folks who matter.  Then the rest of us can drop our pipe dreams and get back to pushing mud around and drinking our Brawndo.  There's no point in leading us on.

On the other hand, you D.C. folks might re-read the poem at the top of the post, gather your remaining scraps of humanity and actually accomplish something that matters to us regular folk.  It's a fucking vote, not manual labor, for Christ's sake.  Of course, I realize that 75% of your job is making sure you still have a job, next term.  Some of us don't have the luxury of wasting our time on that kind of thing because we have real, actual work to do.  I suppose that's why we're not on the list, though.

Is reform needed? Is it through you?

The greater the reform needed, the greater the personality you need

to accomplish it.

Go, dear friend! if need be, give up all else, and commence to-day to

inure yourself to pluck, reality, self-esteem, definiteness,

elevatedness;

Rest not, till you rivet and publish yourself of your own

personality.

Or if you won't stand up for us, show us the list.  It's the least you cowards can do for us.

Rip -

Talking Points Memo, Providing You All the Snark Provided Two Days Ago By Whiskey Fire

Hey, nix!

Jeez, TPM guys, you're a little late to the party. And the same goes for the subSully. And you too, Comedy Central. Honestly...

Chuck debuts his idiocy at TownHall, for future reference. His Human Events viscera is days-old warmed-over Chuckery, like fish guts left out on the pier that even homeless seagulls wouldn't touch.

Grumble.

MORE. And Alan frickin' Colmes!

All of these blogs need to link me immediately and acknowledge my scoop or I will organize a boycott see if I don't.

Our Queen Is Offering Free Samples

There was talk last week about why there aren't Big Sex Scandals involving Reverse-Tigers, that is, women cheating bigtime on their spouses Tiger Woodsily. At the time, I sort of half-remembered that there indeed was such a scandal and that it had a religio-hypocritical twist to it, but I couldn't recall the details. Anyway it bugged me. Happily, though, Oral Roberts just croaked, and now I remember!

Twenty years ago, televangelist Oral Roberts said he was reading a spy novel when God appeared to him and told him to raise $8 million for Roberts' university, or else he would be "called home."

Now, his son, President Richard Roberts, says God is speaking again, telling him to deny lurid allegations in a lawsuit that threatens to engulf this 44-year-old Bible Belt college in scandal.

Richard Roberts is accused of illegal involvement in a local political campaign and lavish spending at donors' expense, including numerous home remodeling projects, use of the university jet for his daughter's senior trip to the Bahamas, and a red Mercedes convertible and a Lexus SUV for his wife, Lindsay.

She is accused of dropping tens of thousands of dollars on clothes, awarding nonacademic scholarships to friends of her children and sending scores of text messages on university-issued cell phones to people described in the lawsuit as "underage males."

It details dozens of alleged instances of misconduct. Among them:

• A longtime maintenance employee was fired so that an underage male friend of Mrs. Roberts could have his position.

• Mrs. Roberts — who is a member of the board of regents and is referred to as ORU's "first lady" on the university's Web site — frequently had cell-phone bills of more than $800 per month, with hundreds of text messages sent between 1 a.m. to 3 a.m. to "underage males who had been provided phones at university expense."

I believe God took Oral Roberts solely as to to remind me of this so I could link it on my blog. Thanks, God! Let me just get to work on a list of other people I'm forgetting things about...

Yes, I KNOW, Blah Blah, But I'll Axe Anyhow

Has it occurred to Joe Lieberman that the only reason the Left Blogosphere thinks he's a tool is because he likes doing toolish things like deliberately fucking up healthcare only because he wants to spite the Left Blogosphere?

Changing topics abruptly. SEK's sorry failure to appreciate the nuances of Authorial Intent causes him to grossly misapprehend the True Order of the Best Shows of the Oughts, which is, as follows:

1. Extras

2. The Soup

3. Black Books

4. The It Crowd

5. The Office (American version, British version does not chart, but a nice effort)

6. The Colbert Report (Christmas Special cannot be denied)/Firefly (tie)

7. The Sopranos

8. --- (nil)

9.  Mad Men

10. Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law

There were no other shows worthy of note in this whole hideous decade. Dissent from this Authoritative Summation will not be tolerated, so piss off if you disagree (and if you do disagree, this is solely because you are unfamiliar with the Principles of Intentionalism. Read a fucking book once in a while, redsnouts).

NOTE. Of all slaws, "cole" retains dominance.

I Need A Vacation... So I'm Taking One

By Monica_A

It's the holiday season. Children are preparing for the winter break and parents are scurrying for that hamster-looking thing that's selling for $38 on Ebay, but only costs $8.00 in stores (nothing says Christmas like greed). I've decided to get a jump on the break by taking some time away from the internets and television. If my scheme works out, this will be my last post for at least a week. Perhaps it's the malaise of genius causing my ennui. Perhaps it's my desire to read Ted Kennedy's autobiography before the end of the year. But, more likely, it's Joe Lieberman taking the country hostage that has me fatigued. Why do the Democrats continually let Lucy Van Lieberman hold the football knowing full well that it won't be there when Charlie B. Reid goes to kick it? Here is a man that actively campaigned against the Democratic President and how do Democrats mete out retribution? By giving Joe a committee chairmanship! Are you fucking kidding me?!

I know this post won't reach the higher echelons of power, but I'd like to suggest a little winter break reading for the Obama administration. It's a short read (only 82 pages), but it will help you formulate a plan in dealing with Senator Benedict Lieberman. "The Prince" by Niccolo Machiavelli is a powerful (thanks, sharl)  read for kids 9 to 109. Yes, it has a bit of a reputation. The President's advisers shouldn't concern themselves with such trifle. Consider it akin to "How To Win Friends and Influence People" with really dire consequences for those who don't comply. What's the harm in a little peek. I make this recommendation only with President Obama's tenure at heart. People aren't going to take another year of a small man with a big ego's obstructionism. Either get him in line, cut the line or be relegated to one term.

Well, I think I've said all I need to say. Guess I'll head on over to Eschaton to blogwhore this piece. If I don't see you before Christmas, have a happy and healthy holiday. And to my Jewish friends a Gut Yontiff to all.