You're a hooker!? I thought I was just doing really great with you!

by Ripley

It's early and the coffee hasn't quite kicked in yet, so this was not a pleasant start to my day. via Chris at Americablog:

Citigroup said on Tuesday it boosted the base salaries for its chief financial officer and a global markets co-head, but still plans to pay Chief Executive Vikram Pandit $1 for the year.

The compensation changes are the latest in a series of shifts by Wall Street as banks try to figure out how to get senior staff to perform well.

CFO John Gerspach's annual base salary will increase to $500,000 effective Nov. 1 from $400,000 prior to November, while James Forese is receiving $475,000, compared with $225,000.

Gerspach is also receiving $2.92 million of stock salary for 2009, while Forese will get $5.4 million.

Let's back up and review, for just a moment: "The compensation changes are the latest in a series of shifts by Wall Street as banks try to figure out how to get senior staff to perform well."

Huh... In related news, citizens with last names beginning in D through G should make their way to Wall Street for today's round of "Suck a Banker's Dick for Prosperity".  And remember, kids, easy with the teeth, m'kay?

But in case you're thinking that maybe I'm just picking on CitiGroup, and 'free market!' and 'producers deserve rewards!' and what have you, let me take you back to February of this year...

Citigroup offered its first glimpse Tuesday into how it is spending the $45 billion in government bailout money that the ailing bank has received in recent months.

Citigroup (C, Fortune 500) said it had approved $36.5 billion in loans and other commitments backed by TARP during the fourth quarter of 2008, which included making $1 billion in student loans and $2.5 billion in business and personal loans. The bank also said it expanded credit lines and opened new accounts for credit cardholders.

The bulk of the TARP funds - $27.5 billion to be exact - was earmarked towards the housing market. Citigroup said it spent $10 billion on mortgage-backed securities guaranteed by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, a move aimed at loosening up frozen credit markets, according to the bank.

Only $8.2 billion was earmarked for making actual mortgage loans to families and individuals with good credit histories.

Citigroup did not indicate how it spent the remaining $8.5 billion of the $45 billion in government funds.

Oh, oh, oh!  This reminds me of a story, you're gonna love this!  I can't have gov't backed health insurance because it would cost someone some money.  And people shouldn't receive unemployment because they're lazy fuckers who don't want to work.  Oh and - try not pee yourself - people should just work harder and they'd get what they deserve.  Also, welfare queens, Cadillacs, some black guy your cousin heard about, and MOTHERFUCK!!!

We can't even pay our bills, and they're drinking Royal Crown cola!  Now, try to have a nice day.

Rip -