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Molly I & I had drinks & dinner tonight with our old friend Toej at some German-themed place in Williamsburg that is not named Heorot but apparently had the same decorator. Was very good actually.
Anyhow one of the subjects of discussion was Black Friday and Cyber Monday, twin recent phenomena which are even more interesting than they are made-up and stupid -- since these are perhaps the first attempts to ever establish "holidays" which are pure celebrations (if that's the right term; "panic attacks" might be more accurate) of capitalism.
Capitalism has of course very successfully colonized established holidays, in much the same way as Christianity nicked Halloween, etc., from the pagans. Christmas is nowadays pure capitalism; Santa is all about the advertising, and the marketing, and the purchasing of consumer products, despite what the kitsch figurines tell you.
Hell, without Santa and robust holiday season consumer spending, America would be totally fucked. You know what all those cute little Rankin Bass Christmas Special shows really were, and are? Brute motherfucking propaganda, that's what. All that "true meaning of Christmas" horseshit being about being happy with just your family and no toys under the missing stolen tree that the Grinch stole, that is all horseshit.
You're supposed to root for Tiny Tim, and in doing so, you don't feel like such an asshole when Scrooge shows up with a goose and all sorts of other shit -- all that awesome shit you didn't have.
Scrooge's real sin, you see, was in having but not spending. That's why those ghosts bothered his shriveled ass. Tiny Tim didn't need those expensive fucking sneakers, but look how happy he is with them on his rickety little feet, the poor little uninsured fucker. But whatever! Damn, if we were all a nation of Cratchits, happy with jack fucking shit but our miserable poor-assed families and no food on Christmas Morn, as a society and economy, we'd all be fucked. But, you see, if we pretend to believe this "true meaning of Christmas" garbage, then we can feel like it's cool that we're getting a lot of basically pointless expensive shit anyhow. For free! As GIFTS! To US! Who are GOOD!
And the world tumbles on, blissfully dumbassed, economy humming (we hope), sleigh-belled and tinselled, have some more eggnog.
Not that I'm complaining, or worse, sneering. Just pointing out. I quite like my flat-screen TV, for instance. All I'm saying is that Cindy Lou Who is a lying fucking corporate whore.
And that "Black Friday" and "Cyber Monday" seem like transparent attempts to create out of thin air holidays that are nakedly about nothing but celebrating consumer consumption at its rawest, most primal. Or, greedy. I observe in this regard that all local media in the NYC area yesterday sent reporters to the Valley Stream WalMart where raw consumer consumption last Black Friday got someone trampled to death. This year you will be relieved to know, as every goddamn local TV and radio station reported, nobody got killed on their way to enjoying the bargains they need in order to correctly celebrate the holiday that Fox News informs us is properly understood as a celebration of Christ, as opposed to something not Christian, but perhaps pagan, or maybe pro-big government and anti-free-market.
And people bitch about Kwanzaa being "phony." Maybe they should call it Cyber-Kwanzaa Wednesday and give everyone 15% off tube socks and Wiis. Legitimacy at last!
The other thing is, for a world-historical triumphant ideological titan, capitalism sure seems to need a shitload of silly propaganda to keep people believing in it.
Just the other week I was driving into NYC and heard some goofball on one of the news stations explaining how "nobody ever knows they're in the middle of a bubble," which may be true, but is hardly the same thing as saying that bubbles aren't totally fucking obvious to people who aren't getting rich off nonsense. (Toej: "Nobody on coke realizes they aren't actually incredibly cool.")
If you missed the imbecility of the 90s internet bubble, say, well, how hopelessly dumb were you? The housing market stuff of the oughts also was kind of obvious, and not even in retrospect. A "bubble" doesn't mean anything else but a lot of people buying into a lot of happy horseshit and then flinging it around. Guess what the people who said "nobody could have seen that coming" are covered in.
I mean damn. Look at Dubai. I'm not an economist, but let me propose this as the Dubai Principle: whenever you see big giant stupid fucking artificial stylized islands getting built, this may be a tip-off that the people in charge are not necessarily strictly adhering to sober fucking principles of fiscal rectitude.
As long as nobody gets trampled, though, who can bitch? I guess.
I very sincerely wish all our readers a very merry Cyber Monday and happy Gin Funnel Tuesday, a holiday I just invented, to be followed by Jameson's IV Drip Wednesdays, shoot me now, shoot me now.
