Whiskey Fire

Senators Sipping on Gentleman Jack

Sometimes it's salutary to be reminded of just how mind-bendingly stupid elected officials can be. And here's PowerTools to help us out with that. And yes, this is Senator John Cornyn talking to the PowerTools kids, so, you know, warning, may cause blindness or death:

During the last 24 hours, much has been written about the defection of U.S. Senator Arlen Specter (D-PA) to the Democrat Party. Unsurprisingly, the Washington media have cast Specter's announcement as a devastating blow to the Republican Party, and are predicting doom and gloom for us in the months and years ahead.

 Because it's doomy and gloomy? No! This is good for the Republicans!

Senator Specter's decision indeed carries important ramifications, but there is another side to this story that has been largely ignored by the Beltway pundits.

First, his departure likely spares Republicans from spending valuable resources in what would have been an expensive and divisive Republican primary -- a primary battle that Specter appeared extremely unlikely to win. Indeed, Specter cited recent polls showing him trailing former U.S. Representative Pat Toomey (R-PA) by more than 20 points as his main decision to bolt the Party.

And indeed, the PA GOP primary is no longer going to be divisive: the party rump will get solidly behind the biggest horse's ass in the race. And where there's shit like that, well -- PONY!

But that's not even the stupid part! This is:

Second, in the unfortunate and unlikely event that Senator Norm Coleman loses his legal battle in Minnesota, Harry Reid will now have his long-coveted 60-seat, filibuster-proof supermajority in the United States Senate.

The idea that Coleman is "unlikely" to lose -- as far as spin goes, that's, uh, pretty ineffective, if Cornyn is trying to rebut the notion that the GOP has descended into a gang of fringe lunatics unable to cope with reality. If he's just nuts, then I suppose just carry on, Senator.

But that's not even the really stupid part. This is:

The Democrats will be able to pass their left-wing agenda completely unchecked, and if they intend to fulfill their campaign promises, the American people can look forward to higher taxes, socialized medicine, record deficits and the loss of secret ballots for our workers.

While this would unquestionably damage our country's interests in the short-term, the complete absence of any checks and balances in Washington could have a significant impact on next year's midterm elections.

John Cornyn is a United States Senator, and shows himself unaware of what the phrase "checks and balances" actually means, something my 9-Year-Old is currently reading about in school. That's amazing.

Also, I missed his complaints about missing "checks and balances" back when his party was in control. Perhaps I should Google more closely.

But are we done with the stupid? No!

This is a message our Senate candidates will carry across our great country as we work to rebuild the Republican Party in November 2010.

Good luck with that -- explicitly running on the "Party of No" as a brand. 

While Senator Specter's decision was indeed disappointing, it did allow us to realize -- perhaps sooner than we would have liked -- the dangerous ramifications of unbridled, one-party rule in Washington. Come November 2010, this may ultimately be viewed as a positive development in the Republican Party's climb back to power.

Oh, Americans are perfectly aware of this: that's a lot of why the GOP took such a beating.But the rest of why the GOP took a beating is that, well, by any measure, the Republicans have descended into a gang of fringe lunatics unable to cope with reality. Cornyn isn't exactly changing anyone's mind about that.

Beware Hypothetical Hitler!

Michale Ledeen is cranky -- I know, hard to believe -- that Obama and liberals generally just don't Grasp the Lessons of History. And I guess we don't, because his version of history includes stuff like this:

In his entire speech, Obama never once mentions that the United States led a coalition of free peoples against Germany, Italy and Japan, nor does he ever discuss the obligation of sacrifice to prevent a recurrence.

Either Ledeen's gone soft on communism or else he's forgotten that a key member of this Coalition of the Free Peoples was ruled by this fellow, and that the failure of Hitler's invasion of the Soviet Union was what really did in the Nazis.

But of course Ledeen has to forget this, if he's going to make the argument that he's making, that America must always be on the lookout for the next Hitler -- "'never again' means that we will destroy the next would-be Fuhrer" -- and thus that the proper response to foreign policy is an eternal confrontation with Evil. But not even World War II was won with this sort of theory in mind. As it could not have been, because it's ludicrously and dangerously simpleminded, not to say bloody-minded. And loony.

Introducing the Amazing Rockethead

Apparently Jim DeMint has informed CNN that "we're seeing all across the country now that the biggest tent of all is the Tent of Freedom."

To which there can only be one response:

Yes, Jim, AND IT'S IN MY PANTS.

Eyes up, Jim. Eyes up. Thank you.

Rick Sanchez's answer was OK too, I suppose.

The Flying Party Is Here

We get Arlen Specter!

Uh, hooray? Yippee?

Or perhaps "meh."

This just means when he dicks around with stuff like the EFCA and cloture he'll get more of the spotlight for posturing as a Reasonable Moderate before not actually doing anything "liberal." The Senate is such a stupid institution.

Anyway, the wingnut squawking is at least pretty funny.

Now more than ever is the time to get behind Toomey, especially considering the fact that Specter will be getting support from all kinds of liberal groups who will want to keep their filibuster proof majority. Go here to learn more about Pat Toomey, and to find out how you can help him in his second bid to unseat Specter.

Yes, go learn about Twomey! For instance, learn that he is a maniac who appeals to the sort of people who think Sarah Palin has gravitas.

Twomey is stone crazy and has no chance in the general. "Liberal groups" will be saving their money for races that are actually competitive, and for candidates that are actualy liberal. Even if the unions are pissed off enough at Specter over EFCA -- as they should be -- and don't do their GOTV that is actually fairly significant in PA, Specter should still win in a walk. And if for some bizarre reason it gets close, Specter can just flip on EFCA, and bam, there's the union phone banks back up and running.

The only thing more absurd than the Senate is Senators.

Fat Black Gas Exudes. Still!

Jonah Goldberg, perhaps under the impression that nobody is paying attention, as they shouldn't be, to be sure, except for those of us who for their spare-time literary activities fathom hell, or at least heck, for reasons obscure to even themselves, tries a pretty entertaining weasel-move, what a dope. For the shits, the giggles:

Let's start with some intellectual history. One of the central arguments of the book is that American Progressivism was essentially a European import, with American characteristics — though American Progressives also had a serious influence on Europe as well.  In the book, I call it an international "fascist moment" but if you want to call it a "statist moment" instead, that's fine with me.

This is not a particularly controversial statement.

No, it isn't, in the sense that the proposition "parking meters burble and Scooby-Doo the escutcheon" is not usually argued, at least in polite circles. In civilized precincts the fudging of "fascism" and "statism" is precisely why Jonah's book is so godawful fucking stupid. Or, since it's my blog, what I said.

Bloop-dee-do, fart fart burp, statism fascism, smatism flashism, blorg blorg fart.

Personally I think there is no point in using terms like "statism" or (for fuck's sake "classical liberalism") if we're going to be going over this shit on the Internet, of all places (as I've said many times before, if someone sincerely announces online that they are a "classical liberal," what they mean is, "hi, I'm a dick") but the basic point stands: Goldberg is making shit up. Feh.

MORE. Frickin' Noon.

FINALLY. Meant to say: thanks, fellow Ringsend cowpoke.

Put on My Disease

All this Swine Flu stuff reminds me that a few years ago I had this idea for a novel, a Political Thriller Ripped from Today's Headlines, if you will.

See, the Islam-O-Fascists realize that if they really want to bring America to its knees, they should strike at our nation's most precious resource -- our bacon supply.

What happens in the book, is, a shadowy cabal (the very worst sort of cabal) of Jihadis (pronounced in a sneering half-drunk Lawn Guyland accent, natch) conspires to introduce a bio-engineered chemical compound into the pork-puppets that are used to incubate our most delicious-est favorite breakfast foodstuff (one which is of course not just for breakfast anymore) -- BACON.

This compound makes some people sick, sure, but that is just a side effect. The truly diabolical thing is that no matter how you cook it, all bacon turns soggy and tofu-tasting instead of what bacon is meant to be: crisp, salty, and bacony.

The evildoers then do that thing that all bad guys in stupid thrillers are able to do, and seize control of every TV station -- broadcast and cable, every radio station, every cell phone, and (most wickedly) every Twitter account, and Make Their Awful Demands. America must become Wahabbist, or never enjoy CRISPY BACON again!

Defying them are Our Unlikely Heroes:

* a renegade Centers for Disease Control scientist who moonlights as a Harvard Symbologist and struggles with a rare debilitating disease (he suffers from crippling flashbacks every few pages, which, while expository in regards to plot development, are invariably maudlin and badly written; also, he is crippled with guilt as to not knowing what the fuck a symbologist is);

* a beautiful young raven-tressed woman who is feisty and beautiful and is a grad student in swine epidemiology, computer programing, and Irish literature, and who has a great chicken wings recipe;

* and a liberal blogger from upstate NY who is haunted by Unspecified  Ghosts of the Past but whose passionate love of America, and bacon, and ability to coin neologisms involving the root word "fuck," enable him to point out to the nation that if you turn to radical Islam you can't really have bacon anyhow. Then he gets Obama to Impose Sanctions, and also discovers the True Power of Bacon. Anyhow shit happens, he wins, gets laid, and has some bacon.

Also there are ineffectual beaureaucrats who get their comeuppance. In minor roles are Jonah Goldberg, who plays a fire hydrant (badly), and Glenn Reynolds, who plays a glib asshole in possession of a moral compass he got out of a gumball machine. Neither ever tastes bacon again.

Better Off Dead?

-By Jake T. Snake

A friend sent me this excellent article on Friday, April 24th by Charles Blow in the New York Times. I found it to be one of the saddest things I have ever read. That two boys of this age would be driven to a place so desperate that suicide seemed the plausible next step is just horrific. What is sadder to me is that taunting and bullying of students perceived to be gay or lesbian seems to be both widespread and permitted. This is the consensus among the youth who come to the LGBT youth center that my agency runs. I take everything reported by teenagers with a large grain of salt, but their stories of active neglect on the part of school staff are so consistent and from so many different adolescents that at the end of the day I can't arrive at any other conclusion but that they are telling me the truth. Some students even report that teachers join in with their peers who are tormenting them to encourage them to stop being so "faggy". Hell, I remember priests doing this in high school. I was just hoping things had gotten better since the 1980s. As to the priests, projection, much?????

Some of the youth who come to our center volunteer their time to do presentations on Homophobia and Heterosexism in the community. It probably will not suprise you to learn that our local school districts are not having them come in to present. After the youth offer their services the silence is often deafening. We are permitted to present to groups of "high-risk" kids, because they are already tainted, but we could not possibly expose the homecoming queen to your perversions. The good news is that there are enough aware fellow students that Gay-Straight Alliances are popping up in many schools to offer support to GLBT students. We have also met many wonderful supportive parents and community members since the center opened. We feel good about the small difference we are making, but it is a small difference.

These two boys had not identified with any sexual orientation as far as we know. Homophobia killed them nonetheless. I admire Mr. Blow's courage in talking about homophobia in the African-American Community. It is a subject that must be approached in order to change what happened to these two boys and address the rates of HIV among men of color who have sex with other men. The incidence of HIV among MSM of color is out of control and it is long past due that the sociocultural pieces of this were explored. I do not necessarily agree with the assertion that the African-American community is "more" homophobic. I don't believe that these sort of complicated dynamics can be neatly quantified in this way. I will say that the rates of HIV infection among MSM of color point out that homophobia is having a substantial impact.

At the end of the day this is the crux of the issue for me. What costs are we incurring culturally, by holding on to outmoded ideas like Homophobia and racism. In an era when the CDC is estimating the cost of 1 HIV infection at a million dollars in treatment and lost productivity, how many more do we want? How many more suicides, how much more substance use? How many of our friends and family robbed of their possibilities? How large has the "white, straight burden" grown and how large does it have to grow before the costs outweigh the benefits. I believe we are there. I also believe I am in the minority. Beliefs create realities. Homophobia, especially when coupled with racism is creating a nightmare for all of us. If you doubt that Homophobia is more virulent than ever surf over to some of the right wing sites and read their thoughts on "gay marriage". Vicious and evil doesn't begin to capture the flavor. Arguments straight out of the Strom Thurmond playbook. I refuse to link to them, I haven't developed the stomach for it that Thers has.

Non-Absorbing

Well, OK.

Maybe it’s because I’m staying at the Sunset Tower on Sunset Boulevard, but I keep thinking of newspapers as Norma Desmond.

And, for some reason, so do I.

No, really.

I Always Lose When I Talk about Clouds

Tuesday. Me and the 4-Year-Old, outside on a nice April afternoon.

T4YO. Daddy?

ME. Yes?

T4YO. See that cloud over there?

ME: Yes?

T4YO: That big cloud over there?

ME: Yes?

T4YO: That big cloud over there looks like a Oomfa.

ME: What?

T4YO: That big cloud over there looks like a Oomfa.

ME: What's an Oomfa?

T4YO: (Rolling eyes disgustedly) Daddy, it's something that looks just like a big cloud.

Friday. Me and the 4-Year-Old, outside on a nicer April afternoon.

T4YO: Daddy!

ME. What?

T4YO: Look at that cloud!

ME: What cloud?

T4YO: That big cloud over there!

ME: What, that big cloud over there?

T4YO: Yup.

ME: What about it?

T4YO: You know what that big cloud looks like?

ME: Uh... it looks like an Oomfa?

T4YO: (Rolling eyes disgustedly) No, Daddy.That big cloud just looks like a big cloud.

The Nitpick King of the Pointless Asshole Objection

What's not interesting is that Tom Maguire is a dickhead.

Paul Begala makes a claim not supported by any of the evidence on offer, but relies on wordplay to claim victory in a dispute with Mark Hemingway of the NRO.  [A noted wordsmith can't spot the fallacy or do the research.  Surprise!]

Begala's claim is that "the United States executed Japanese war criminals for waterboarding".  His source is this Politifact article backing a similar claim by John McCain.  Politifact opens with this quote from McCain, who was expressing his opposition to waterboarding:

"I forgot to mention last night that following World War II war crime trials were convened. The Japanese were tried and convicted and hung for war crimes committed against American POWs. Among those charges for which they were convicted was waterboarding," he told reporters at a campaign event.

The slippage is obvious - if war criminals who committed many bad acts including waterboarding were executed, McCain's statement would be accurate but Begala's would not be.

Um, no, that's crap. Let's walk through this slowly for the moron-American community, namely, anyone who takes Tom Maguire seriously.

What Maguire wants us to believe is that unless someone can find an instance of someone being charged primarily with water-torture and then being executed, you can't say we ever executed anyone "for" waterboarding:

Who did we execute whose primary offense was waterboarding in WWII?

Should be "whom." Meh. Hitler!

More to the point, this is ridiculous. The idea that "we" did not convict and sentence someone "for" waterboarding because the people who were by and large also convicted for other things too does not mean that we did not convict them "for" waterboarding. Actually it means we did.

The key point is that, as Maguire's own link makes clear, waterboarding was considered torture, and was thus a crime against humanity, and thus punishable by death:

In brief, Class A were those accused of "crimes against peace"—first of all, planning, preparing, initiating, or waging a declared or undeclared war of aggression, or a war in violation of international law and treaties; or, participating in a conspiracy for the accomplishment for any of the foregoing. Class B were those people charged with conventional war crimes—namely violations of the laws and customs of war, including the maltreatment of civilians and prisoners of war. Class C were all those accused of crimes against humanity—those who had carried out torture, murder, extermination, enslavement, deportation, and other inhumane acts before or during the war, or persecution on political, religious, or racial grounds ordered by superiors.

Torture alone could get you charged with a crime against humanity; waterboarding was torture. Waterboarding fell into a specific class of crimes, each of which was by the standards of this legal regime a capital offense. What Maguire wants you to think is that if someone were convicted of two counts of murder, one for stabbing, one for shooting, we couldn't say this guy was "convicted for stabbing." For fuck's sake.

It would actually be pretty damn surprising, I'd think, if in this historical place and time someone were to be only accused of waterboarding. Like that would be the only category of torture these guys liked to play with? They were specialists? Pfffft. 

Note BTW that I do not have to produce any evidence to show anything beyond what Maguire accepts McCain saying arguendo: that's enough to prove him an asshole, his own terms. Though he also manages to discover an example that actually, omigod, works against his silly "case": 

Seitara Hata was just one Japanese soldier charged with a war crime for waterboarding; Hatara was sentenced to 25 years hard labor.

This suggests that because waterboarding was the ONLY form of torture they had against this guy, they showed leniency -- death could have been the sentence, but he "only" got 25 years hard labor. This is hardly proof that you could not get death for waterboarding. Not all convicted murderers get the death penalty, you know, even in Texas. Rather what this suggests is that one step down from the ultimate price for torture in this legal regime was... 25 hard.

I still do hear now and again that Tom Maguire is a "reasonable" conservative. He's a fucking smarmy asshole.