-By Jake T. Snake
The folks over at the American International Group are at it again (big sigh). They are going to pay 165 million in bonuses to employees within their financial products division by this Sunday. This is the same unit that trashed both the company and our economy. AIG has responded to the ire of the treasury secretary and others within the current administration by reporting that they are legally and contractually obligated to pay these bonuses and besides, (mythology alert) we need to offer these bonuses to keep the talent we have.
(Cracks knuckles, sighs again) Where to begin with this pile of shit. When you say legally and contractually obligated to pay these bonuses, do you mean obligated in the same way that corporations were obligated to union contracts that included regular raises, decent healthcare and comprehensive retirement packages, but then renegotiated and fucked their loyal workers? Like those contracts?
Any thoughts on that one Ripley?
As to the second point, fuck these talentless clods. I would sooner shitcan everyone of them and allow their administrative assistants to do their jobs. I suspect that they would do it more competently and let's face it, they always did the bulk of the work anyway. Where exactly is it they are going to go? No one ever explains that. The last time I looked Wall Street was shedding jobs just as fast as the rest of the economy. If they go, they are going onto unemployment or they are going Galt and in either case no bonus is needed to keep their sorry asses in the seats they currently are warming.
The folks who monitor the pension plan for the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees have come up with an idea that would both compensate these asshats and hold them accountable. The pension fund has 18,000 shares of A.I.G. so they want to see the company do well, but are justifiably concerned about this bonus business. They have suggested paying out bonuses in A.I.G. stock that must be held for 2 years before it is sold. The response from A.I.G. employees has been less than enthusiastic. God forbid we should have to think more than three months into the future and consider the consequences of our actions.
The other fun thing about this continuing saga is that we still have no idea what the bailout money was used for or where it has gone and to whom. Keep in mind that the american taxpayer now owns 80% of A.I.G. The socialization of this company has happened, very quietly, but also very definetely. The large banks and corporations we are bailing out continue to report that it would be impossible to track where all the money is going. This is unequivocable bullshit as these accounting professors point out. I run a nonprofit and I can be crucified by my auditors over $30.00 gas receipts for agency vehicles, so you know what, we keep every single one of them, preferably with the credit card statement as a backup. We have grants ranging from $5,000-$1,000,000 and we can tell you where every penny has gone and that is appropriate. Public trust must be earned over the course of years. You can't buy it with a Brooks Brothers suit and a clueless board of directors.
I hired a compensation consultant this week. The IRS is now requiring nonprofits to have an objective check on the compensation they offer to their highest paid employees. Before I am offered any kind of change in pay like an annual cost of living raise this provision requires the board via the consultant, to look at what comparable people are paid for comparable positions locally, statewide and nationwide and establish compensation levels based on these comparisons. This is done to assure that the board of directors decision is an objective and informed one, not about who I play golf with or who has a house next to mine in the Hamptons. I am OK with all this, because I understand that there are some nonprofits that have engaged in some unethical behavior and vigilance is a good thing, it keeps people honest. My question is why are we not compelling companies that have demonstrated that they cannot behave ethically and are receiving taxpayer money to live under these same commonsense restrictions?
These corporations need a serious dose of transparency and let's face it this level of secrecy isn't necessary if you are conducting your affairs in an ethical manner. They aren't and they haven't. They no longer deserve to be trusted and must now be treated like the irresponsible sociopaths they are.