Whiskey Fire

Konservative Komedy Kills at KPAK, Whoops, CPAC

Red State's Erik, Son of Erick, is at CPAC, where he is damply composing ecstatic posts about his wingnut fanboy crushes ("Oh, and if God smiles on me today, I’ll get to meet Rush," I shit you not). But he's also squealing gleefully over the warmup act, the comedy stylings of vicious airhead lunatic Ann Coulter. There's video here, but I personally love the immediacy of the Son of Erick's liveblogging -- the gushiness just adds a certain, je ne sais quoi... a frisson of the class typically exuded by spooky, grabby, half-drunk uncles. Here's a highlight.

The crowd loves her. "I've bee[n] watching the MSNBC coverage of CPAC. Is there any other network where you know every host was at the alternative prom?"

I think she just called Rachel Maddow a lesbian. ZING!

Or maybe she means Keith Olbermann's a fag. Or maybe she thinks Joe Scarborough is a lesbian. It's a bit oblique in that winning "I said it but didn't say it so if you say I said it you're the bigot" comic mode that conservatives love so dearly. And that's always hilarious!

See, no matter how you explain a line like that, and similar crispy-fresh cracks about Bill's libido and Hill's bitchiness, you know it embodies the cutting edge and not at all tired head-up-the-ass shitheaded bigotry that will make all those hip young people ditch Obama and just flock to the GOP banner!

Ann Coulter and Twitter -- conservatives sure have it all, these days. And Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum and Rush Limbaugh! Talk about your charm offensives!

The Conservative Electronic Grassroots Movement That Is Catching Fire across the Nation

I'm signed up for the Red State Strike Force E-Mail Action Alert list, because it's funny. Anyway a while ago they promised that I would be getting a Daily Morning Action Activist Bulletin every day in my inbox. Cool!

It arrives monthly.

And fair enough. Personally, once a month is amply sufficient teabagging for me, thanks very much. I'm cutting down on carbs.

Lukewarm Oil

The author of an anonymous email reprinted at The Corner is terrified as to the possible savage reprisals of secular analytic philosophers and begs for protection.

Martyrdom is different in this century than it used to be, I suppose.

BREAKING: Same old stuff, I think.

by va

Shorter big-time plugged-in Republican strategist to Byron York: The GOP is going to adopt a drastically different strategy. No longer will we pull stunts, gin up cheap controversies for cable news, bullshit the electorate or engage in theatrics. We're all about winning on the issues now, just like in the days of Drill, Baby, Drill.

OK then! This does sound bold and new and not at all duplicitous. Yes, Republicans sure were nothing but substantive and issue-driven in the offshore drilling "energy debate" of 2008: Sarah Palin addressing the electorate, consolidating public opinion, no one questioning anyone's sanity, making Barack Obama change rhetorical course by half a degree, and if I remember correctly, congressional Republicans spent the 2008 summer recess barking into the void about offshore drilling, hanging out alone in the Capitol demanding things which have not happened. Republican WIN! Politically speaking, how have their arguments about offshore drilling paid off?

Republicans are searching for a new catchphrase to define this year’s offshore drilling debate after concluding the memorable “drill, baby, drill” line of the last presidential campaign has lost potency — or even worse, become a political liability.

Time is of the essence. Already, some Republicans are fretting that they haven’t upgraded the message in time for the fast-approaching energy debate. “This year, everyone’s thinking maybe they’ll actually come up with grown-up things to say,” said Republican energy lobbyist Michael McKenna, president of MWR Strategies. “‘Drill, baby, drill’ impeded the conversation. We energy guys hated it.”

Utah Gov. Jon Huntsman, a Republican who has been at the forefront of environmental issues, called the catchphrase “fun and catchy, but devoid of reality.” And at the recent House GOP congressional retreat, Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty begged his fellow Republicans to sharpen their energy message to help win back voters. “‘Drill, baby, drill’ is a great slogan, but it’s not enough,” he said. “We need to identify with emerging issues and get ahead of them.”

All eyes are now turning to new Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele, who coined the phrase, and some lawmakers hope he might crank out another infectious slogan.

What an excellent success story for the GOP to model its new strategy on. And to think, it leads right back to wordsmith Michael Steele! How do you say offshore drilling in suburban hip-hop settings? Drill off the Sandy Hook! East Coast drilla, West Coast drilla! Anyway, nothing substantive will come of this. 

That is because Republicans are so mired in their own bullshit that even their attempts to divest themselves of bullshit are mired in bullshit. Their problem isn't about messaging or technology; it's metaphysical--there is nothing outside the bullshit. I submit that if Republicans actually detoxed and started making arguments that didn't presuppose dozens of nonsensical premises and acres of lies, innuendo, obscure mythologies, etc., they wouldn't be Republicans. I don't know what they would be, or where that would leave their base, but thankfully it's not my job to imagine these things. It's hard not to believe that any dominant conservative politics will only sally forth in a crazy new world of the future in which liberals for some reason appear soft on intelligent life forms emerging from the sea.

ALSO: John Cole advises Republicans to sit down and shut up like the electorate told them to do. A novel idea--stop talking at the electorate and start listening. Of course, they wouldn't be Republicans if they did that, either. But hey, if the religion blogger Andrew Sullivan thinks this means Obama has forced his opposition to change on his own terms, how can we possibly doubt that this talk of a new Republican stunt-free strategy isn't itself a stunt?

This Is So Fucking Stupid

This is so fucking stupid. It takes a Hindenburg of farts for Andy Sullivan to float common sense.

It sounds all very well, this shit, but the point is, where was your fucking Edmund Burke when it came to the Bell Curve, and then the Clinton shit, and then the supporting the Iraq war shit...? WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING EDMUND BURKE NOW?

"Let's pretend there is something called 'Conservatism.' Otherwise, we might have to work for a living." Thank Christ for the Atlantic. If there was no Atlantic, top conservative thinkers would just have to make it on their own in the Pajamas Media jungle. This is called "a Key Lesson of Capitalism."

What I'm suggesting is that Andrew Sullivan is a twat.

Actually, Jindal's Speech Was Better, Come to Think of It

Upon reflection, Jindal blew Obama out of the water. He was well-groomed, punctual, and even exciting in a very reserved and buttoned-down and intriguingly bland and uninteresting fashion. And his ideas! His ideas were alive and vibrant! Those who say otherwise are victims of their own prejudices and unable to look on this rising conservative star with Objectivity. On the other hand, Obama's speech was a "win" for the GOP -- his very popularity will prove his greatest political liability. And I'm a Liberal who's saying this, remember, so you know I'm telling it like it is!

(Is this contrarian enough to get me a Slate column, or should I try laying it on with a backhoe as opposed to a trowel?)

The Maiden-Voiced One Pipes in Sorrow

Ponnuru on Jindal:

I thought his delivery was weak. The content will play well with the party base but seems unlikely to expand it. . . . That said, it is hard for anybody to come out well from responding to a presidential speech to a joint session of Congress.

Jim Webb did pretty well. Of course, he wasn't talking ridiculous bullshit.

Shoot Me

Seriously, shoot me in the head. And then go pee on the idiots at Politico. This is an article about how Republicans responded to Obama's speech through the magic of Twitter. It is entitled:

A bitter-Tweet night for the GOP

I want to die.

The reporting on what people like Newt Gingrich actually said while Twittering makes me want to get resurrected as a zombie and then killed again by being bludgeoned with a pool cue and then rammed headfirst into a jukebox.

Good Grief

How come this guy on the teevee isn't explaining how Teh Terrorists are coming to KILL US ALL?

MORE. Oh, the Louisiana guy just brought that up. 9/11!

EVEN MORE. I'm swamped with work this week, and have a cold, and wasn't paying attention that closely, but what I gathered from Jindal's response was that, like his doppelganger, Gilligan, he learned some sort of a lesson after a bad storm. I kind of expected Haley Barbour to yell "Bobby, drop those coconuts!" and show up to swat him with his cap. It was silly.

Your Favorite Constitution Sucks

Washington DC is close to getting a House seat. This causes the principled opponents of letting American citizens vote to wonder how exactly they will put a stop to this travesty:

It certainly seems clear to me that giving D.C. voting rights in Congress by statute is unconstitutional, but if Congress and the president permit it, who can sue to stop it? I'm not asking rhetorically; who has standing? Given the clear language of the Constitution, the Supreme Court might well strike the legislation down (though you never know about those penumbras and emanations), but there has to be a lawsuit before them for that to happen. Any ideas?

Yes. The answer is "some wingnutty gang of assholes."

The only people who could possibly be "harmed" by DC residents are properly represented would be the GOP, because the seat will certainly be safely Democratic.

Yes, yes, I know the Constitution says "several states," but this is one area among many that goes to the reasons I don't like the Constitution very much -- it has ludicrously undemocratic outcomes, and it's all but impossible to fix it according to its own mechanisms. A Constitutional amendment for DC representation, as with an amendment to get rid of idiotic anachronisms like the Electoral College (never mind the indefensible Senate, and the only marginally better Presidency, in and of itself a pretty stupid idea), would be cumbersome, expensive, annoying, and distracting -- a ton of effort to right a very clear wrong.

A law will go through to give DC residents equal representation, some wingnut jerks will sue to stop it, and ultimately Antonin Scalia will have yet another chance to act like a posturing sanctimonious martinet and the concept of "no taxation without representation" will get a kick in the nads. It's a shit state of affairs.