Whiskey Fire

Chuck Norris, Your Brain Too Dumb to Kickbox God

Chuck Norris may be tough, but then again, so is gristle, which he closely resembles but which has the advantage of being a lot more intelligent and a lot less god-bothering. Anyway his Townhall columns are not so much food for thought as gristle for picking out of your teeth. Thrill as Chuck Norris ruthlessly pummels basic civics into an indigestible pulp!

This past week, a Newsweek/Washington Post editorial labeled presidential Thanksgiving Day proclamations as "cracks in the wall of separation." The author explained, "The problem with these proclamations, it seems to me, is that they pave the way for public acceptance of gross violations of the constitutional separation of church and state." What?!

I dunno, Chuck, WHAT!!!?! Do you want the person who wrote this wicked "secularist" editorial (which is of course not actually an editorial) to SPEAK LOUDER!!?? Should Susan Jacoby have used MORE PUNCTUATION MARKS???!! Would that have helped you to UNDERSTAND HER POINT!!!???;;;!!,,!

Because Jacoby's actual point, as opposed to the one that Chuck tries to refute by invoking the Zombie Wingnut version of Thomas Jefferson, is not that Thanksgiving proclamations are "bad" in and of themselves, but that they have "acquired a quasi-religious status." Which is true. As a matter of practical politics, symbolic productions like these have become mandatory. If you want to be a politician, you have to wear your God on your sleeve, and it had damn well be a "Judeo-Christian" religion too, buster.

This sort of compulsory piety is, first, a relatively recent development, and second, a problem, one that the actual Jefferson was very much worried about. "Religion is a matter which lies solely between man & his god, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship" -- well, that's rather an unfashionable sentiment these days. But if we kept it in mind maybe it wouldn't be so easy for religious bigots like, say, Chuck Norris, or the Mormon Church, or the Roman Catholic Church, to get all jihadist about denying entire groups of people they don't like equal rights under the law. Which is to me an appallingly un-American thing to do, and exactly what Jefferson was warning against.

Chuck though can't get over his prejudices. Entertainingly so! He smugly informs the sub-moron Townhall crowd that the "wall" between church and state is meant to prevent the government from favoring certain "sects" over others, but then has no problem bashing the (probably Musselman or worse, PC) president-elect for a presumed insufficiency of specifically "Judeo-Christian" sentiment:

Let's face the present Thanksgiving facts. President Bush likely will give the last explicit Judeo-Christian Thanksgiving proclamation that Americans will hear for the next four to eight years, as President-elect Obama likely will coddle a form of godliness in his Thanksgiving addresses (if he indeed gives them) that appeases the masses with a deity that fits every politically correct dress.

You have to admire, or at least laugh at, someone who manages not merely to miss his own point, but who thinks Obama is liable to "coddle godliness." Even Chuck Norris's fighting skills are no match for the ferocious thesaurus! As a bonus he manages to recommend that next year Obama should simply repeat one of Lincoln's Thanksgiving addresses -- which is not itself "explicitly Judeo-Christian" -- because it's "timely." Which might make the references to the American Civil War a bit confusing, though, in fairness it is a nice little speech. And to be even more fair I agree with Chuck wholeheartedly about this:

Don't mince or water down the God of the Pilgrims, as is being done in public schools across this land through the retelling of the first Thanksgiving.

Indeed. Pilgrim-God should be served as steaks or perhaps chops, not minced or boiled. Stupid public schools.

Here are some free animated gifs of karate guys kicking each other in the head. They are doing this because they are gay.

Veterans of the Semantic Wars

by Ripley

Un-fucking-believable.  via Cole:

In a little-noticed regulation change in March, the military's definition of combat-related disabilities was narrowed, costing some injured veterans thousands of dollars in lost benefits -- and triggering outrage from veterans' advocacy groups.

Pentagon officials argue that benefits should be greater for veterans wounded in combat than for "members with disabilities incurred in other situations (e.g., simulation of war, instrumentality of war, or participation in hazardous duties, not related to combat)," Carr wrote.

The Pentagon changes focused on "tip of the spear" fighters, or those "in the line of duty in a combat zone," said Eileen Lainez, a Pentagon spokeswoman. They comprise "a very special, yet limited, subset of those who matriculate through the Disability Evaluation System," Lainez wrote in an e-mail response to a request for comment.

You really need to read the whole thing to get the full... taste of it.

Hey, remember a few years back when the Bumper Sticker Patriots in Congress decided that our troops were so valuable, so honorable, so courageous, so absolutely blessed by God-his-own-self that they passed a law requiring that those killed in action be called "fallen heroes"?  Remember?  Do ya?  And do you remember how your chest swelled with pride and you spent the day shouting "America, Fuck Yeah!" at anyone who would listen and then you ran out to put a fresh coat of yellow highlighter and Turtle Wax on your magnetic ribbon?  Remember how fucking hard America supported the troops back then? 

Well, the Pentagon doesn't either.  Meanwhile, every wingtipped con man with a key to the Executive Washroom is falling over himself to get to DC for a handout before Jan, 2009.  But fuck the troops - they cost money.   Especially the ex-troops.  

I guess a Central Front in the War on Terror ain't what it used to be.  Dig?

Rip -

Love in a time of financial crisis

by flory

Another day, another $300 billion or so into the pockets of Wall Street multimillionaires. Early christmas presents I guess.

If you're interested in a good overall roundup of blogosphere reaction to the Citigroup bailout, this is a good place to start .

One reaction I would like to highlight:

I am surprised that the shareholders were not effectively wiped out as per Fannie, Freddie, AIG.
Not displeased - but somewhere I wish the government would get a happy medium somewhere - rather than one rule Citigroup and one rule for Fannie.

Personally, I'm not all all surprised that Citi's shareholder's weren't wiped out

Citi's largest shareholder? Saudi Prince Alaweed bin Sultan

Freddie Mac's largest shareholder?  Bill Miller

AIG largest shareholder? Hank Greenberg

Don't even know who the last two are, do you?  But Saudi princes are special people.

 

No big mystery why they get bailouts.

BREAKING: Traitorous "MSM" Leak Vital Presidential Security Information, Encourage Al Qaeda Assassins

The TRAITOROUS "MSM" STRIKES AGAIN!!!

Not content with publishing pictures of DONALD RUMSFELD and DICK CHENEY'S private houses, pictures that could easily be used by AL QAEDA to "rub out" these great defenders of our democracy, the "blabbermouth" MSM have leaked details about president-elect Obama's "limousine"! Clearly the MSM is doing this in "retaliation" for something or other!

Green Obama’s official limo is a gas guzzler

On the campaign trail, Barack Obama promised to get a million plug-in hybrid cars on the road by 2015. His own new presidential limousine will be far from green, however.

The Obamobile being prepared for the president-elect is said to be a monster gas-guzzler made by General Motors, the troubled car giant. It will look like a black Cadillac but is built like a tank. A spy photographer who tracks down future car models for magazines snatched pictures of the heavily disguised first-car-in-waiting when it was being road-tested last summer.

While security is paramount - the car is built to survive roadside bombs as well as gunfire - there are hybrid four-wheel drives on the market, such as Ford’s Mercury Mariner, which some critics believe could have been adapted for the president.

I look forward to Michelle Malkin's outrage at this shocking MSM security breach.... AL QAEDA NOW KNOWS HOW TO ATTACK THE PREZNIT! MICHELLE MALKIN PLZ DENOUNCE THE TRAITOR MEDIA!!!!

Whoops.

Oh well. Seems that Malkin's priorities have shifted, for reasons I can't quite identify but are I'm sure perfectly reasonable. Doubtless she'll be explaining her logic any minute now. In the meantime please enjoy these free animated gifs of clowns playing trombones.

Dispatch From The Drugs' War On Us

by va

 

I wanted to get a head start on the dawning liberal era of (holy shit) a black president, so I experimented with "dope" the other night. Paul Campos said I would probably dig it, and god knows I get all my good ideas from LGM. So. A friend who is knowledgable in the rites of "weed" "rolled" a "blunt" from which I took a couple "hits." Taking stock after a minute, something seemed wrong. The beginning of a corporeal event was rippling through my limbs, and I realized that it would probably prove massive, and messy in the end. So I staggered to the bathroom. I wasn't at all sure how best to address myself to the facilities, however, and in the meantime lying down on the tile seemed like the most reasonable course of action. I closed my eyes and waited for the thing to take hold. As it intensified, I tried to move, but I couldn't. Even my eyelids were paralyzed.

It went on. I was certain that the last moments of my existence were upon me, but I was surprisingly content. I had seen my share of beautiful things, I found. My life was better than I could have hoped for, the circumstances of my death notwithstanding. (I always expected my death to be the result of a suicide that looked uncannily like a comic accident, or vice-versa, but no, apparently I was going out ingloriously, on a bathroom floor, from marijuana.) In the foyer of my mind, a host of my selves gathered. There was a solemn donning of coats and a murmur of quiet adioses as organ music played softly in the background. On every face was written regret at departing so young and so handsome. Then the great door creaked open onto the howling abyss. A hush set in, then agitated shuffling. With an amiable salute, the neural network representing my memories of the New York Yankees' 1989 campaign clicked his heels and leapt into that good night. But, happily, a cursory day-after census would reveal that to be the sole casualty.

The door banged shut, and there was relief all around. As for me, well, it felt like the bottom of an inner soggy grocery bag finally gave out, and I vomited. Copiously. The honey of heaven may or may not come, but that of earth both comes and goes at once. Thus did I ritually observe the amazing ascent of Barack Hussein Obama to the Presidency in this, the year of our Lord 2008. Amen.

The Ennui of Wingnuttia

Byron York is world weary, angst-ridden, and moody -- he suffers so.

I spent several years of the Clinton administration writing about one scandal or controversy after another.

There was, of course, the Whitewater affair and the fight over the independent counsel, Kenneth Starr.  There was the Lewinsky matter.  Travelgate.  The bitter controversy over Elian Gonzalez.  The furor over Bill Clinton's last-minute pardons.  And more.

It seems like so long ago.  So why am I suddenly hitting the search feature on my laptop ten times a day, looking for old articles?  Why am I looking for names like Eric Holder, Gregory Craig, Rahm Emanuel, and John Podesta?

Jeez, I dunno, Byron. But I'd speculate it's for much the same reason a dog licks its own vomit. It's just what you do. Besides, if the Clinton-era "scandals" make you so very, very tired, it's your own damn fault for making them up in the first place.

So I'm unsympathetic. Though I admit that I'm curious as to what the hell "hitting the search feature on my laptop" actually means. Byron York's laptop is apparently just as mysterious as his hair. 

UPDATE. I am so sorry for making fun of Byron York's hair. I mean, he's somebody's Grandma.

Your loan application has been denied

By Jake T. Snake

The true tragedy in what I am about to write is that I doubt that even one of you will be shocked by it. We know that without guidance and diligent oversight, many people will revert to bald self interest. Bankers will do this sooner than others as it is their default setting and is in line with their training. (Ethics training in business schools Blahahahaha!) This facet of human behavior is what has brought us to a place where a bailout was required. As I noted in my previous post, those who made the mess could not be trusted to clean it up and so...(big sigh).

It appears that the bailout money given to the banks by Congress with no strings attached is not being used to loosen the credit crunch. (Feign surprise here)  Gretchen Morgensen in her Times article today writes that the banks in fact seem to be exacerbating the credit crunch by making fewer loans, adding fees and pulling in all the assets they can get their hands on and quickly.  Senator Chris Dodd was on NPR this week complaining about the banks using bailout money for executive bonuses, acquisition of other banks and payment of dividends. Senator Dodd concludes the interview by stating that no conditions were placed on the money, because coming to agreement on those terms with the 535 members of Congress would have been difficult. See, here's the thing...THAT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB! The really appalling part of this interview is his revelation that the 700 billion is just the tip of the iceberg. Once all the pieces of this bailout are included the pricetag will be in the ballpark of 5 Trillion. I hope our children can forgive us for mortgaging their future to these pillaging arrogant entitled assholes.

All this would be bad enough, but what if we gave 25 billion to a bank and it was still in danger of failing? This just may happen to Citigroup.A lot of people are holding their breath and waiting to see what happens. Now the question is do we authorize more bailout money for a bank that has already squandered their first installment? How can we do this and deny the automakers their own bailout?

After my last post, one of the commenters essentially said what option do we have (At which point I imagine a shoulder shrug and a vacuous look)? A fair question, I suppose, if one isn't very bright. You could do what the federal government does with the majority of its other contracts, which is to provide parameters for how the money can be spent and consequences for not doing so up to and including financial penalties and prison sentences. I work in the nonprofit sector and our organization receives money from both the federal and state government. Before my organization receives one cent from either entity, we have to submit a detailed budget and workplan that lays out exactly what we will do for the money and where it will be spent. If something happens along the way, say we don't fill a position as quickly as we thought we would and the money for that salary line is unspent, we have to turn in a budget modification to explain how the unspent funds will be used in line with the contract's purposes. Anywhere throughout this process the people who provide our oversight can make changes, veto parts of our plans, cut our funding if they feel it is not being used properly or in the case of medicaid ask for a return of money already given.

I do not believe that anyone in the Congress would have objected to a clause in the bailout bill that required the banks receiving free money from the taxpayers to lend a minimum of 50% of the money they received, since that was the purpose of giving them the money in the first place. There was that hard? Even hard core pro-business people would not feel that such a provision took away the bank's autonomy or ability to use the money as they felt their particular context demanded. The plan as it was implemented is nothing more than complete surrender to the arrogance and narcissism of a financial elite that believes itself untouchable.

Why are we not instead spending billions of dollars on work programs like we did during the great depression and really receiving something for our money? Instead we pour more money into the shell game that the finance world has become, where people make a living by being the middleman in endless transactions. If that is not parasitism could you please define it for me? It is time to stop moving the money up to the rich in the hopes that they will help us all, they haven't. I will tell you this, if you give money to working folks they do something fabulous for the economy with it, they spend it. I take heart that the government is giving the automakers a hard time about having a plan if they want money, perhaps we are starting to wake up to what has been happening. Let's watch, shall we?

     

Where Lightning Goes

Just to say, we'll be having changes around here, after the new year, especially. A redesign, for one thing. Also, not so much a change in focus, but an expansion of focus. We're going to be doing a bunch more cultural criticism and some other not-immediately-political-stuff. A couple more voices will be added. The point of all this is to annoy more people than we currently annoy. Also we should finally get off our lazy asses and get ads involved, because the Good Lord knows we serve a Coveted Demographic.

I was reading that Ariana Huffington book and she said I should get cracking on this. So, like, why not.

More to the point, a 2-3K hits a day blog with good content, the sort of content you cannot get when too many people are paying attention: why not?

We mean to break entirely new grounds of obnoxious.

In my own perfect world

by flory

The National Journal rounded up some thoughts on what health reform should look like from most of the usual suspects. Here's the abbreviated verson:

Econ professor -- It's demand and supply, what else?

Think tank guy -- I like to talk about markets.

Galen Institute -- It's all about the taxes. Insurers can do no wrong. Also.

Republican think tank guy -- Listen to the Galen Institute.

Commonwealth Fund -- Mandates! Subsidies! Public option! We're wonks!! And in the last sentence I'll throw in something about costs and delivery system reform too.

Journamalist -- Fair and balanced snark about the insurance guys.

AMA -- Our plan is based on three key pillars. But I'm only going to talk about one because the other two will piss everybody off.

Chamber of Commerce -- We're paid stooges of the multimillionaire CEOs. Surely you know what we're gonna say by now?

Not-Republican think tank guy -- I'm going to at least mention delivery system reform. Oh -- and the Galen Institute is full of it.

America's Health Insurance Plans -- We just issued a press release that was supposed to convince everybody we're not actually agents of the Dark Lord. Unfortunately, everybody figured out what we weren't saying in about 6.5 seconds. But I'm still going to hit the talking points.

AHA -- Fixing this fucked up system can only be good for us. D'oh! We'll finally get paid for all the work we do, not just some of it...

Shallow Thought

It's pretty much impossible to take Jamie Kirchick seriously; nobody does.

But it is interesting, in a boring and predictable sort of way, that there is apparently a Big Liberal Media market for his silly pieces about the ineffectiveness of the left "netroots" at the same time as there is a Big Liberal Media market for even sillier pieces about how the right "netroots" is going to totally revitalize the Republican Party... by, uh, copying the methods of the left "netroots." Shazam!

And, sorry, but liberal blogs are far more influential right about about now than Marty Peretz or his sycophants. (And Kirchick is a Marty Peretz sycophant, which on my pop cultural conversion scale works out to something just below "Night Ranger groupie.") After all, Peretz is a Joe Lieberman sycophant. (That works out to something even harder to contemplate than "confurvatives.")