Whiskey Fire

That Would Suit You Fine, I Realize

by Molly Ivors

See, this is why I no longer listen to Keith Olbermann. And that's too bad, really. But this is fucking bullshit.

He should be ashamed of himself. And so should anyone who countenances this kind of argument, male or female.

Selected Brains

Wow, looks like the North Carolina GOP is going to run their anti-Obama ad after all, the one John McCain told them not to run in a very stern and disapproving e-mail. What a tremendous surprise boy am I ever shocked. 

There's been a bunch of speculation as to what the NC GOP is "really" up to in wanting to run the ad, like, do they really want to help HRC, or is the whole shitbang really about the governor's race, and so on. I don't know myself but if I had to hazard a guess I'd say they're doing it mostly because at the end of the day the NC GOP are a gang of hysterical race-baiting assholes who just enjoy the hell out of shit-flinging. Or maybe that's only the case when it comes to their most prominent online advocates. Either way, who cares, it's all good for Saint John.  The ad gets aired in NC and is excreted across the nation via cable news idiocy, and McCain's shit don't stink at the same time. For the MSM John McCain's ethical colostomy bag has an "Ask Me about My Grandkids" bumpersticker on it, and they bring him donuts because he's their Pal. Feh.

Christ the wingnuts are boring. I have to confess that as someone who battens on right-wing stupid, the pickings lately are pretty slim. Not that there's any shortage of conservative stupid: it's just that it's been a very tedious kind of stupid lately. Wright Wright Wright Wright Ayers Traitor Traitor Traitor Dems imploding Hillary's a  bitch and a liar what the fuck ever. If you've heard one of them you've heard them all. Oh well. They will I'm sure be getting more original in their insanity soon enough. It's not like they can help it.

(Note: I stole a World o' Crap joke up there; apologies, but it is a funny joke.)

A Competent Selector of Lies

Hugh Hewitt assures us that some of his best friends are liberals.

Some of my best friends are very liberal.  Some are hard left.  My closest friend is a former senior Clinton White House aide.  Their liberalism doesn’t affect my friendship with them at all, other than to provoke endless, good-natured arguments.

But none of them have ever been terrorists.  All of them have always been patriots.  None have ever hated America.  All would agree that this is best government that has ever been on the earth, and our Constitution the best ever crafted.

Hugh Hewitt explains that he believes Barack Obama is "well spoken."

Barack Obama seems like a very nice guy with a good heart and a wonderful family.  He is obviously bright and extremely well spoken.

Hugh Hewitt believes that if Barack Obama is elected president, he will fuck up in a well-spoken nice-guy way and accidentally appoint Osama bin Laden Secretary of Defense.

Whom will Obama believe and trust if he is the president?  How will he judge an ally and an enemy? How will he staff a vast Executive Branch? Whom will he appoint to the Supreme Court and how will he judge their characters and their personal histories? Those are judgment questions.

If he even figures out who the radicals are, will he have the courage to refuse them office or influence?

Hugh Hewitt says he knows "real" Democrats, and real Democrats won't vote for the Democratic candidate if it turns out to be the well-spoken Barack Obama.

The Democratic voters of Pennsylvania, like those of Ohio, are the core of the old Democratic Party, the party of Roosevelt, Truman and JFK.  I am from Warren, Ohio, seven miles from the PA border, and spent a dozen years in parochial schools surrounded by Dems with a lifelong union man for a beloved grandfather, and two W.W. 2 combat vet uncles who were also Dems.; I know the Democrats of the Midwest and industrial east.

They aren’t going to buy the Obama package, no matter how wonderfully wrapped.  These folks went with Reagan in 1980, and they will go with McCain in 2008.

Thers says he also knows these Democratic strongholds, and that he is thus able to figure out why Hugh Hewitt is flinging bullshit in a desperate attempt to prevent any Pennsylvania union voters from actually examining John McCain's economic proposals, which amount to "everybody dies in pointless agony," which is, amusingly enough, also the gist of his foreign policy.

Thers also thinks Hugh Hewitt is a "twat," in the precise sense of the word as it is used in Shaun of the Dead. The English can be quite good at the exact calibration of certain insult words, though I confess it pains me as an Irish-American feminist patriot to admit as much.

A Contest Featuring Human Beings

by Molly Ivors

Poor Maureen. I mean, you have to feel bad for her at a certain point, because it's hard, it's hard work, to fight a war on two fronts. I mean, it's clear that, as Head Cheerleader, you have to humiliate the A/V geeks and the Mathletes and the stoners, but honestly, who has the time? It's all about focus, people. There's a lot of lunch tables in Maureen's mental cafeteria, and it just isn't possible for one widdle girl to dump them all.

Her frustration is palpable, and one of the most bizarre (and by bizarre I mean hilarious) aspects of this neverending primary season is watching her whip her brassy-dye-job ponytail from side to side, desperately trying to hone in on a victim. It's her! It's him! It's her! It's him!  AAAauuuuuggghhhh!!!! Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know--HRC needs to drop out, we're spending money fighting each other when we should be fighting Grandpa Matlock J. Depends, it's time to kiss and make up, whatever. But this watching Dowd drift toward entropy is just fucking funny, people. She's losing her mind, and it shows.

In today's typically schizophrenic outing, Maureen finds herself torn between castigating the Clintons-- long and noble sport for her, and one for which she won the Pulitzer--and building the new meme--that Barack Obama is a girly boy who's afraid of food and Hillary.

So, gentle readers, is it Door Number One?

Or Door Number Two?

What to do, what to do....

So I ask you, which is more insane and offensive? Is it this...

Her message is unapologetically emasculating: If he does not have the gumption to put me in my place, when superdelegates are deserting me, money is drying up, he’s outspending me 2-to-1 on TV ads, my husband’s going crackers and party leaders are sick of me, how can he be trusted to totally obliterate Iran and stop Osama?

Now that Hillary has won Pennsylvania, it will take a village to help Obama escape from the suffocating embrace of his rival. Certainly Howard Dean will be of no use steering her to the exit. It’s like Micronesia telling Russia to denuke.

(Note that Howard Dean, like all Democratic men, is also Not A Real Man.) Or is this worse.....

He is frantic to get away from her because he can’t keep carbo-loading to relate to the common people.

In the final days in Pennsylvania, he dutifully logged time at diners and force-fed himself waffles, pancakes, sausage and a Philly cheese steak. He split the pancakes with Michelle, left some of the waffle and sausage behind, and gave away the French fries that came with the cheese steak.

But this is clearly a man who can’t wait to get back to his organic scrambled egg whites. That was made plain with his cri de coeur at the Glider Diner in Scranton when a reporter asked him about Jimmy Carter and Hamas.

“Why” he pleaded, sounding a bit, dare we say, bitter, “can’t I just eat my waffle?”

Honestly, I do not know.

Analyzing the candidates and their issues, of course, is beyond the scope of what Maureen does. After all, she's on the Op-Ed page of the New York Times, not hosting the Oscar red carpet show on E! It's not like this election matters or anything.

But I admit, somewhat mean-spiritedly, that from the geek table, watching her freak out is pretty goddamn satisfying.

To Meet Brother Monkey

You know, I think there may be some problems with Hugh Hewitt's analysis of modern politics.

Peter Wehner has some thoughts on E.J. Dionne's assertions about the existence of a "Republican attack machine."

It is amusing to hear an affable lefty like E.J. --routinely treated well by center-right and right wing commentators including me and Pete-- implicitly decry the descent of political conversation via the use of a generalized suggestion that conservative commentators are attack dogs rather than his opposite number on the other side of the spectrum. Sure, there are crazed people on both left and right, but the vast majority of the big name commentators are almost all genial in person, serious in thought, and respectful of their opponents dignity as human beings even though the disagreements are deep between the two sides. It doesn't advance the idea of civil debate to continually blast your opponents as somehow different from your allies.  We have Rush; they have the Jon Stewart.  We have Ann Coulter and Michael Savage.  They have Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews.  For every force in commentary there is a counter-force, and operatives too numerous to count try hard every day to influence the information the commentariat across the spectrum sees, absorbs and comments upon.

We have Chris Matthews...?  Wow. Poor us.

And Hugh Hewitt is a fucknozzle. Let us be clear on this point.

Gold Star for Robot Boy

Via BlueTexan, whom I may be able to forgive someday, the following, from Dr. Mrs. Ole Perfesser:

I have some advice for your long suffering husband, Jeremy. Next time you need something fixed around the house, your wife needs help lifting something, or you need a blowjob, resort to yelling and complaining.

There are obvious... issues here, but also certain unsettling implications. Thus, I shall go directly to the bottom and transcribe for you the following sounds emanating from a certain Tennessee bedroom:

Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh Heh Heh. Heh. Heh Heh Heh Heh ... HehHehHehHeheheheheheheheheheheheheh...heh... HEHEHEHEHEHEH!...HEH!... HEH...Indeeeed! InDEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!

(Silence. Sounds of Optimus Prime costume being doffed and stored for another playdate)

Yes, I am aware that this is the worst thing I have ever posted.

Burning Flag Birthday Suit

It's my birthday, but there's no way I'm going to get a present as big as the one John McCain got, which is to have this story come out on the same day as the Pennsylvania primary, so that nobody will notice it. Not that anyone would anyway because McCain has so much straight-shooting integrity that there's no need to actually draw any conclusions from the abundant evidence that, you know, he doesn't.

Donald R. Diamond, a wealthy Arizona real estate developer, was racing to snap up a stretch of virgin California coast freed by the closing of an Army base a decade ago when he turned to an old friend, Senator John McCain.

This is my favorite quote from the article, and maybe my favorite quote ever, from Mr. Diamond:

Mr. Diamond, for his part, said Mr. McCain had only done his job. “I think that is what Congress people are supposed to do for constituents,” he said. “When you have a big, significant businessman like myself, why wouldn’t you want to help move things along? What else would they do? They waste so much time with legislation.”

Shazam! Anyway, I'm sure Greater Wingnuttia is busy explaining why this is all just an MSM smear, an explanation that will contrast interestingly with their belief that the Harry Reid boxing tickets affair was worthy of an electronic jihad.

UPDATE: Yeaaaaa boyeee. Confederate Yankee is on the case, convincing us all of the NYT's bias and treason. Enjoy especially his commenter who wonders when the Grey Lady will finally get around to investigating Whitewater. (No kidding.) Nutpicking is of course a deplorable practice, but sometimes, it's also hilarious!

I'm sure we can look forward to a Rezko story in the next couple days and a Whitewater/Castle Grande expose' in the Sunday mag.

That is, as we in the liberal insult blog community like to say, the shit.

MORE FUN: Rick Moran, who is not very smart, goes after Obama for not holding lots of press conferences: "He whines about an intrusive press (he hasn’t had a press conference in 10 days)." I don't recall the scathing indictments of Bush for holding incredibly few press conferences; I probably just missed it.

EVEN MORE HIJINKS! Nobody, but nobody, wanks like Cap'n Ed, who trots out his Harry Reid Land Swindle dance number to prove Teh Liberal Media Bias! Nobody can hack it up quite like the Cap'n.

Everything Is New and Clean

Today is my birthday. Bow down before me! I understand there is some sort of political contest occurring today: I fail to see the significance myself, as I refuse to believe that there should ever be any importance whatsoever ascribed to things that occur in Pennsylvania. To believe otherwise would be to invite horror existential and philosophic, and while I would do anything for love, I won't do that.

Anyway, does "Armed Liberal" know what the term "counterinsurgency" actually means? All signs point to no.

UPDATE: Come to think of it, he seems unclear on "bonkers" as well.

UPDATE AGAIN: And as Dr Dick points out in comments, he's also a bit confused as to the definition of "Liberal."

I Can't Tell You Anything You Don't Already Know

Over at Winds of Change, noted Internets savant Armed Liberal explains that people who dislike propaganda are great big sillyheads:

The usual suspects are going bonkers - bonkers! - over the notion that the Pentagon briefed a cadre of retired military men who served as 'expert commentators' in the media.

The thing is, you see, that we are involved in a "counterinsurgency" (against foes who include Hezbollah and the Palestinian Authority, as AL explains in his comments -- I did not know that) and that therefore the American government really should be relentlessly evangelizing and radicalizing the American people for the purposes of crushing the mighty forces of Islamofascism:

So here's my problem. If we're engaged in counterinsurgency, public diplomacy and information warfare - which the insurgent side are very good at, spends a lot of time doing, and where the mainstream media only recently grudgingly backed away from the most egregious, falsified examples of their work - is a critical component, according to pretty much everyone who has written on the subject.

But - our government can't play. Not only are there legal restrictions, but the simple fact that information was given to commentators, bloggers, or reporters by the government - in the hopes that it can shape the information battlespace - is illegitimate, and is itself a major meta-story.

I don't think it's wrong to be concerned about the government shaping the news. I think it's necessary to shape perception as a part of any successful counterinsurgency.

But those two principles seem to be in a midair collision, and as a consequence it's going to keep raining aluminum.

It's true -- the forces arrayed against us are masters of manipulation. The amount of money that Al Qaeda pours into the MSM is staggering; they've clearly bought off the entire Washington Post editorial board, which explains why that wise body has consistently endorsed boneheaded policy ideas that have in the final analysis have done at least as much good for anti-American Islamicists as for anyone else, and probably more.

At any rate, while it is certainly tons of self-flattering fun to image oneself a heroic warrior of the "information battlespace," it might just be a bad idea in a democracy to ever try to "sell" a war at all. This is especially true when the reasons for the war are strategically incoherent, as they are in this instance, since that means you literally cannot make your case without heaping in entire steaming mounds of bullshit.

In other words, if you want a war and know perfectly well you can't convince anyone that it's a good idea unless you're dishonest about it, you probably should rethink your belligerence.

AL's airplane metaphor is illuminating. If take off knowing you're inevitably headed for a midair collision, you're kind of an idiot. And if you only figure out after you're in the air that the pilot got you on board under false pretenses and is deliberately aiming straight for a crash, wrestle away the controls and land the fucking plane.

The stuff he gets from his sources is likewise interesting:

It is as though we had entered some gladiatorial combat with helmet visor closed, sword dull and bent, and shield lying in the dirt. The United States, in particular, it is argued, possesses a ‘quagmire mentality’ which gifts its enemies with a playbook for its defeat....

Basically, if you need to target your base and find that it is fractured and lacks purpose, lacks the attention span for in-depth appeal to argument but is exquisitely sensitive to manipulation and possesses an innate mastery of semiotics then you have a problem. And if, moreover, your opponent’s base is unified, has a sense of purpose, a rich oral tradition which lends itself well to story-listening (and telling) and is fairly credulous when it comes to conspiracy theories then you have got a very serious problem.

This is of course insulting, and dare I say, "elitist." But besides that, it's incoherent on its own terms. If you decide to step into the arena with your visor closed, you have made an extremely dumb decision. (I'm also amused by the suggestion that Americans are sophisticates who are suspicious of "conspiracy theories," given that the whole purpose of Generalgate was to sell the American public on a conspiracy theory, and the entire Right Blogosphere still believes in this theory with every fiber of their being). 

But besides that, it reinforces the ridiculous, dangerous, but popular notion among neocons, neolibs, and neowingnuts that everything is a question of "willpower" and not of material reality. Why are we losing? Because we picked an unnecessary and unwinnable fight against sloppily defined opponents with no clear idea of what "victory" might in fact constitute? Hells no!

We was done in by the flightiness of the American people, who just didn't believe in the pony hard enough. We have met the enemy, and it is... semiotics.

These people are completely barking insane.

I can pray all day & God won't come. But if I call 911 the Devil be here.

by va

I went away last weekend and returned to a world of pus dripping stupidity. On Monday morning, wanting to catch up, I tried to sort out who was bitter, elitist, who betrayed their elitism by decrying elitist allegations of bitterness… and then I went to find a bottle of soda, Pop Rocks, and a trampoline.

Man, none of that shit matters. The atrocity of a debate doesn’t matter. If there is any message you can take from ABC and the debate, it’s twofold:

1)The media sees politics as a bowl of Trix

2)You’re a silly white motherfucking rabbit

Fuck that noise. What matters is that we’ve gone from the era of “I am not a crook!” to “Yeah, I’m a war criminal. What of it?” But no, Charlie Gibson wants to talk about Billy Ayers, presumably because he’s worried that as President, Barak Obama might secretly blow up federal monuments, or otherwise take that shit down from the inside, motherfucker.

Fuck. Fine, Charlie Gibson, you want to talk about Billy Ayers? Maybe we should wonder why the fuck it is that this highly evil, Known Terrorist of Terroristic Proportions is presently walking around, free to profess at the University of Chicago UIC, serve on boards, and yes, to blog when he is such a radical terroristical terrorist.

Well, after a little googling, it turns out "All charges against him were dropped because of prosecutorial misconduct during the long search for the fugitives." Well that’s interesting. What kind of misconduct are we talking about here? Oh right: illegal surveillance. Oh, right: the FBI investigated the Weathermen under the auspices of cointelpro, J. Edgar Hoover’s pet project to disrupt leftist organizations by any means necessary, including straight up murder, for example of Chicago community organizer Fred Hampton, and, though they didn’t get to carry it out, of Martin Luther King, Jr. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck them, the fuckers. And, as a result of such baldly illegal investigative practices, Evil Terrorist Billy Ayers was sentenced to a couple years’ probation and a fine.

The question, then, isn’t why Obama served on some board with Ayers, but why Charlie Gibson and the right wing smear machine are so squarely on the side of utterly corrupt law enforcement. Did Chuckie’s First Mercedes get a window smashed during the days of rage or something? Or is it that he wants everyone who’s anyone to denounce and reject and deject and renounce anyone, like Ayers, who’s unapologetically anti-war and anti-establishment?

It's fine and all to complain about the substance-free nature of the debate the other day, but let's don't lose sight of what's actually at stake: the extent to which our discourse is or isn't about the core of rot at the center of just about every law enforcement agency there is, from the NSA to the CIA, right down to NYPD counterterrorism, who thinks that entrapment is just as good as intelligence gathering. Not to mention the core of rot at the heart of our elected governing bodies. The other night ABC told Democrats to stick it. Well fuck them, but more importantly fuck everyone they're protecting.

Update: Fucking spectacular.

Update II: Whoever compiled the FBI report was such a square, daddy-O. Such intriguing questions are pondered as, "What motivated the Weatherpeople?" and who was teaching "the youthful revolutionary...how to create revolution." (Answer: Cuba)