Whiskey Fire

Another Busy Day

Michelle Malkin once again reveals her longstanding, deeply principled opposition to racially loaded "hate speech" by saying Barack Obama is talking "jive" in regards to Rev. Wright.

Wow.

Michelle Malkin: a leading figure in the fields of applied as well as theoretical assholery.

MORE: Oh, also, this line from Malkin:

As those of us with non-European brains might put it: You be trippin', Barry.

Just sad.

Their Infant Eyes

WAITING FOR BREAKFAST.

A Tragioscreeenplay.

by Thers

Estragon: Judd Nelson

Vladimir: Emelio Estevez

Lucky: Molly Ringwald

Pozzo: Anthony Michael Hall

a boy: some creepy chick

ACT 1

Shermer, Illinois. A high school library.

Breakfast.

ESTRAGON, sitting on a wooden chair, is trying to get out of detention. He pulls at boot desperately and hums Cream songs.

ESTRAGON: Nothing to be done. What are we supposed to do if we have to take a piss.

VLADIMIR: I'm beginning to come round to that opinion. All my life I've tried to put it from me, saying Vladimir, be reasonable, you haven't yet tried everything. And I resumed the struggle. So. Are you guys like boyfriend/girlfriend?

ESTRAGON:You'd be nothing more than a little heap of bones at the present minute, no doubt about it. You're not urinating in here, man!

VLADIMIR: Hand in hand from the top of the Eiffel Tower, among the first. We were respectable in those days. Now it's too late. Did you slip her the hot beef injection?

ESTRAGON: Never neglect the little things of life. Go to hell! Enough!

VLADIMIR: You might not even exist at this school. There's man all over for you, blaming on his boots the faults of his feet. I'm in the Math club, the Latin club, and the Physics club.

ESTRAGON: And we have a big banquet at the Hilton!  I remember the maps of the Holy Land. Coloured they were. Very pretty. The Dead Sea was pale blue. The very look of it made me thirsty.

VLADIMIR: Does Barry Manilow know you raided his closet?

ESTRAGON: Shall we go?

VLADIMIR: Well, you load up, you party. We wouldn't have to go into the details. We don't get high.

ESTRAGON: Well, you wouldn't know a thing about it, faggot. You should have been a poet.

VLADIMIR: I wanna be just like you. I figure I just need a lobotomy and some tights.

ESTRAGON: I sometimes wonder if we wouldn't have been better off alone, each one for himself.

...

I expected a little more from a Nobel Laureate, but as it turns out the screenplay of The Breakfast Club and the script of Waiting for Godot have an eerie symmetry. Here's a game: take one randomly selected line from The Breakfast Club and then join it to a randomly selected line from Waiting for Godot. Or vice versa. It's always great. The meaning of this phenomenon eludes me, but it is genuine and exhilarating. Go fix me a turkey pot pie, and then it's light once more! 

You do realize that both productions feature a stylized tree, don't you? Boo-haa-haa.

Also, the first chart in the Wikipedia entry for The Breakfast Club is just fantastic.

A Tenement Filled with Sideshow Freaks

Note to self-deluded internet comedians:

Rape jokes are never, ever, ever fucking funny.

EVER. Making them just makes you look like a sociopath.

Or, well, in this case, like more of a sociopath.

Strictly Comedy

Apparently, according to Teh Politico, somewhere in some shithole some shithead is running bullshit ads:

The Republican candidate in a special election to fill an unexpectedly contested seat in a conservative Mississippi congressional district is using recent controversies surrounding Senator Barack Obama to tar his Democratic rival....

Unlike a much-reported North Carolina Republican ad attacking Obama, the Mississippi spot is actually airing on television.

The spot marks Obama's rapid ascent in conservative demonology, to a place in an attack ad in a contested race that -- until several weeks ago -- would have been lent to Teddy Kennedy or Hillary Clinton. A National Republican Congressional Committee spot airing in the same district seeks to link Childers to Obama, John Kerry, and Nancy Pelosi.

The ads are a mark of how difficult, with the nomination apparently within his grasp, Obama will find it to stay above or outside the traditional, bitter partisan divisions he so often deplores.

Uh, Politico? Obama will find it difficult to avoid bullshit attack commercials from the conservative cesspit -- this is an insight? News? Something of that sort? Hmmmm? Shit, in this year of Our Lord 2008, the Democrats could nominate Zombie Senator Bilbo, and in Fuckhole Flats MS you'd see ads accusing him of wanting to take your gun and fuck your dog with it and make it gay. Christ...

Here's the real humor of the Politico post:

Meanwhile, as the ad airs, McCain's rhetorical stance seems also to be working: in a column the editor of the Northeast Mississippi Daily Journal deplores Davis's ad, and gives McCain credit for denouncing such spots.

Heh. Look, either McCain is cynically trying to "denounce" ads he profits from, or else is just plain impotent and can't stop them. One or the other.   

Anyway, like I said, McCain is not above the fray in the same sense as the turd is not above the toilet rim. Let's keep that in mind.

Vampire on Titus

by Molly Ivors

Not Bitter™ MoDo today confesses a love for a bizarre form of fiction, which seems to tell us a lot about her worldview.

Maybe I’ve been reading too many stories about the fad of teenage vampire chick lit, worlds filled with parasitic aliens and demi-human creatures, but there’s something eerie going on in this race.

Hillary grows more and more glowy as Obama grows more and more wan.

Umm, yeah. Maureen knows all about demi-human creatures: there's one in her bathroom mirror every morning. And her living dead exes in the attic make moving a real trick. (Wow, that was obscure.)

She continues her fine tradition of calling Hillary Clinton a life-consuming succubus from hell, while simultaneously sneering at Obama for not smoking, exercising, eating right, and, his greatest crime in MoDo's book, not smacking women around either literally or figuratively. (She must really like Olbermann, who, as Somerby notes here, has, shall we say, a pattern of such behavior.) (h/t Susie.) No, the continued presence in his life of Hillary  shows that he's not Dowd's version of a Real Man™. Maybe if he smoked Marlboros?

Oh, they'd probably be Lights.

Obama, she claims, has clearly been stung by the elitist label she (with her ubiquitous “starlet” designation) and others have attempted so desperately to affix to his back. Look, Maureen. A biracial kid raised partly by his grandparents is not a member of The Elect. I have issues with Obama, but he's good public servant, a very smart guy, and will be an excellent president.

This isn't about bowling or eating jello molds—activities I suspect Ariel herself doesn't indulge in much anymore. This isn't about how many suits he owns or pairs of shoes. (I for one, am supremely comfortable that Maureen's closet has, shall we say, certain aspects in common with those of Imelda Marcos and Carrie Bradshaw.) It's not about him calling you people out on your shitty coverage, like the debacle of the ABC debate, and the elevation and insertion of bullshit memes. (I shudder to think what my old pastor would say about me, were he asked.) He's done it, he's right to do it, it's not “wry whingeing” to note it. (As, I should note, it was not when Senator Clinton did it—and she's still paying the price, as per the Somerby link above.) Spin it all you want, but we out here sweating over feeding our families and filling our oil tanks and keeping our power on are not impressed with your imaginings of what you think he must be thinking. Sometimes a waffle is just a waffle, after all.

Perhaps the most bizarre aspect of MoDo's obsession with minutae is the grudging respect she seems to be developing for Hillary Clinton, who, in her reading, has transformed herself into a truck-stop-waitress-cum-mother-confessor for the masses. She doesn't sleep, she doesn't exercise, she eats chips (two-handed!), she takes shots both literal and figurative, she does not quit. She's “energetic, focused, and beaming.” Of course, she's also a life-consuming succubus from hell, so there's that.

Obama, on the other hand, is “wan,” “gauzy,” “whiny,” disdainful, “fatigued,” and “unable to disguise being fed up with the slog.” (Oh, c'mon. Who isn't, at this point?) People on the road tell him to sleep, to have a drink. MoDo says he's “lost his pizazz” even giving a speech in “an uninspired setting—a gas station.” Clearly, Maureen has missed the last six months: for many of us, gas stations are areas of high drama these days, wondering where our banks have set the random cap on how much gas we're allowed to buy. (A month ago, it was $55. Yesterday, $75. Why are we not calling this rationing, again?)  Were Obama to choose to speak outside a Sam's Club, with individuals carrying out their corporationally limited bags of rice, I'm sure she'd also be annoyed, and mention how elites don't eat carbs.

Wankerific Joe Klein accidentally told the truth the other day when he noted that the qualities pundits think necessary for the presidency may not be the ones the people think are important, or even the ones necessary to do the job. Not that we needed to hear that: we who have been living under the Reign of Prince Have-a-Beer-Withability know the punditocracy is full of crap. But they make opinion, they set narratives, they advance memes. Maureen—and Joe, actually—are doing more than any Clinton to make Obama unelectable: they're impugning his character, ignoring his record, and focusing on the least of our issues. Just like they did to her.

And don't think we haven't noticed.

I Am a Scientist

I'm not a political scientist by trade. However, I believe I have a valuable contribution to make to the field of political science. That is, I should like to propose that the term "classical liberalism" ought to be replaced in textbooks and the like with the term "complete douchebaggery."

The reason for this is, that in my experience every single person I have ever observed who has proudly declared themselves a "classical liberal" could in fact be more aptly described as a "complete douchebag."

The evidence for this thesis is overwhelming. All I ask for in terms of credit is perhaps a footnote once the change is made. I am not driven by vanity, but rather by a lofty regard for the Pursuit of Truth.

This Film Is Not for You

Ann Althouse ponders the North Carolina GOP anti-Obama commercial featuring Rev. Wright and wonders how it could be considered race-baiting.

Hmm, that is a puzzle. In the  spirit of non-partisan amicability, let's help her out here:

Dear Ann:

It might have something to do with the scary black man yelling a scary black thing in a scary black way.

Love,

Thers

Unsurprisingly, Althouse employs her trademark "neener neener" logic to declare that if you look at the ad and see the obvious, hey presto, you're the racist:

... look at the ad! It's about left-wing politics and anti-Americanism....

There is a serious question here about whether Obama is too left wing. We damned well get to talk about it. If you're going to push us back and call us racists for trying to address an overwhelmingly important political problem with a black candidate for President, then what you are essentially saying is that America is not ready for a black President. And that would be racist.

No, it's about race. The reason Wright is saying "God damn America" is because of how African Americans have been treated in America, after all.

And besides, if you take race out of the reading of the ad, there isn't a "serious question here about whether Obama is too left wing" -- unless you want to define "left wing" as inherently "anti-American." Which Althouse of course wants to do, as this is central to her definition of "nonpartisanship."

Most amusing though is this:

ADDED: For anyone who thinks I'm resistant to seeing racism in a political ad, let me remind that I was the one who wrote about the letters "NIG" on the child's pajamas in the "3 a.m." ad.

Which needs no commentary.

Fundamental Matters*

by va

It recently came to our attention that Jonah Goldberg passed within not-strictly-comfortable proximity of our fair berg on his interminable book tour, and it occurred to us that we haven't heard much from NR's cuddliest contributor lately. We suspect this is due in large part to his familiar Republican practice of outsourcing his ineptitude, in his case to a bevy of addled emailers. But we wondered, had Jonah reached some kind of equilibrium of sense and nonsense? Had he finally sunk beneath contempt? Judging by his output in the last week, we heartily enreat you: You decide!

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: The good thing about Conservatism is that we would never ask Americans to pull together during wartime.

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: Let me enthusiastically recommend a fascinating book by one A. Hitler.

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: I don’t blame Einstein for nukes; I blame him for relativism, just like I blame Darwin for reactionary politics. And by reactionary, of course, I mean liberal fascism. Conservatism never had anything reactionary to say about Darwin, which is why it has always been the great new wonderful!

Shorter Verbatim Jonah Goldberg: When I say I So Want Jet-Man, the part of the man I’m referring to is the jet.

Shorter Jonah: Shorter Jonah? Aaaagh! No one wants to be castrated.

Shorter Jonah Goldberg: Racism directed by Republicans at a black Republican would undoubtedly lead to the portrayal of Republicans as the party of racism. That is, “if there was a similarly viable black guy running for president in the GOP.”

In other news, John McCain has betrayed his ignorance not just of economics, but also of the CIA's torture program, of post-Katrina efforts in New Orleans (we need to "have a conversation?" Dude, where the fuck have you been for three years?), of human decency, and of America. In fairness, he is attempting to rectify that last in his Whoops I Forgot America Tour '08, and no doubt Forgotten America looks forward to future correspondence from Washington--Thanks For The Memories! xoxo, John McCain. No wonder the guy Talks so Straight: he's dumb as fuck.

*pun(s) intended

The Starter Gargles

There are interesting questions about the intersection of blogs, technology, and traditional journalism, and these questions need to be explored.

I myself hypothesize that anyone who proudly calls themselves a "citizen journalist" is also a total dick.

I feel comfortable with this hypothesis and calmly await the confirming data.

The Colors We Wear in Our Dreams

Ben Domenech feels himself qualified to pronounce upon the morality of others. The reasons for this presumption remain obscure. Nevertheless we on the foulmouthed Left remain committed to a model of civilized discourse wherein even a famous fuckstick like Ben may be permitted to speak as long as he promises to amuse us by behaving like an absolute twat, because that shit is funny.  He does not disappoint in this regard.

McCain spokesman Brian Rogers offers the following statement, starting where John McCain did today on his blogger call. Let it serve as a sign that Barack Obama's merry little nod toward the nice smiling folks down the street at Hamas, Inc. will not go unnoticed, and will absolutely be an issue in the general election campaign.

Some things John McCain isn't going to touch, but "Do you like me? Yes/No/Maybe" notes passed between terrorists and a presidential candidate? Yeah, that's a bit far.

Barack doesn't have anything to say about the fact that they like him, you know: those people, they did horrible acts, detestable acts, but he was younger then, and they're just in the neighborhood. He's just being nice! Like a senator should be! That's why he sat through all those Jeremiah Wright sermons, you know - it's basic human politeness not to stand up when a Reverend is talking.

Ben Domenech is telling you flat out that Barack Obama is on the side of the terrorists. Ben Domenech is stretching to link all sorts of insane bullshit to tell you Barack Obama wants to do what, fly a plane into a building?

Fuck you, Ben Domenech, you twat. And fuck you, John McCain, who is not above the fray in the same sense as a turd is not above the toilet rim.   

The funny thing, though, is that McCain has pretty clearly calculated that he doesn't need the Wingnuttosphere. They will be lickspittles, like Red State, or useful objects of contempt, like Malkin and Hannity --  those maniacs will smear his real enemies (Obama) anyway with no prompting, for free, so what does McCain owe them? Nothing. Let them rant, reap the benefits, rise above, and then shake his flappy jowls sadly at David Broder in gassy deprecation -- it's all good! And don't think he ain't loving it: Limbaugh's his bitch for at least the summer, and if you're into that kind of shit, I guess it's sweet.

I'd say it's unclear where Movement Conservatism goes from here, but on a practical level that's not such a mystery -- pointless counterproductive carnage in the Middle East and fatuous domestic policy fuck-you nihilism, which is about where they started. That 2008 movement conservatism as an intellectual formation (snicker) has ended up with John McCain as its standard bearer (double snicker) is just... yummy. Or gross. One or t'other. Do you want to vomit from the laughing, or laugh from the vomiting? Red State should poll that shit.

Good luck for you shitwhistles that David Broder is still stuck in 1979, or you'd be totally fucked. Ben Domenech, moralistic snarkmeister! Christ that's funny.