Speaking as the dad of little children, the insanely ubiquitous mass marketing of this new Seinfeld Bee Movie thing has already made me loathe this film far more than I have ever loathed anything ever, including Hitler, badly prepared omelets, and people who take Jonah Goldberg seriously.
And this interview with Jerry S didn't make me feel any better. The headline:
Jerry Seinfeld creates buzz for 'Bee Movie'
Oh, fuck you. Person who wrote that headline, come over here and I will give you a "honey" of a punch in the snout... (searches mentally for another stupid "bee" pun while temper rises)... fuckface! (Feels satisfied with self that "fuckface" is rhetorically superior to any hypothetical "bee" pun)
And then there's this:
Seinfeld's legacy is such that you wonder why he does anything but sit around and count his money. Yet, here he is: on the stump, shilling for "Bee Movie," his upcoming animated comedy, the biggest post-NBC-TV-series move of his career. He's as cool as a cucumber. Except as regards the bee thing. (The world's honeybee population has been mysteriously disappearing since 2005). They're apparently sick, these bees. Or slacking off. While denying that the entire apiary community is involved in an elaborate DreamWorks-inspired publicity stunt on behalf of his film, Seinfeld does recognize that the timing is odd - the bees in "Bee Movie" are on strike, too.
"How weird is that?" he asks, smiling a smile that's been seen in 26 languages. "I think they're closing in on the causes now; they think it's some kind of viral thing. But I don't know how they're going to get bees to take antibiotics."
Apart from everything else, antibiotics don't work on viruses.... FUCKFACE.
I hope every bee in America dies this winter so that this overhyped oversold probably unfunny piece of shit comes to be seen as shameful and tasteless and cruel and is never spoken of again ever and I hope every person involved in its creation and marketing dies alone and unloved trying to mainline honey in some squalid tenement room littered with defiled promotional items, half-gnawed offal, and discarded stingers.
Anyway I'll probably have to watch the fucking thing at some point, and I really don't fucking want to. No matter how much it sucks it will force itself onto my TV somehow, like that abominable Jim Carrey Cat in the Hat rat-turd of cinematic misery did: only this time the marketing fuckers are far more coordinated, far more ruthless, far more bloody-minded and horrid. FUCKERS.
I poop in your apiary, Seinfeld. Fuck off.