Welcome always are the innovations of Kerrymen.
Parents in Co Kerry will be encouraged to take their teenage children to the pub to teach them to drink sensibly.
The pilot scheme, backed by the Kerry branch of the Vintners Federation of Ireland and some teachers, is due to be introduced at Christmas.
Publicans who participate will hold promotional events aimed at parents and their 18- and 19-year-old children. The project is designed to tackle the culture of young people drinking fast to get drunk and drinking before they go out at night. VFI Kerry chairman Ger Counihan said he accepted the campaign would be controversial. However, he added: “The amount of alcohol being consumed by young people is frightening. We have to educate them on how to drink or we will have more trouble down the line.”
This is a brilliant plan on the part of the Vintners Federation of Ireland. Making parents spend time out in public with their teenage spawn is a certain to lead to a dramatic spike in parental binge drinking, all of which will be done in pubs by people with much more disposable income than 18-year-olds. Profit!
Hark! to Mr Counihan's cold inexorable logic:
Cheap alcohol in off-licences is a factor, he said. “As long as a can of beer is cheaper than a bar of chocolate, we’ve got a problem.”
To be sure. Yet one supposes another solution, one perhaps surprisingly even more sensible, would be for the Republic to lavishly subsidize the domestic Irish chocolate industry, which is not now what it once was, faith, in the time of our fathers. In short order the costs of chocolate bars would plummet and the fine lads and lasses of Kerry would be dancing chastely and chocolate-cheeked at the crossroads, the costly lager cans at the off-license growing dusty and cobwebbed, forlorn and unpounded.
And if the kids start to chocolate-binge? Haul their asses into the fucking pub and make them slam some pints. That will cure those sick little candy-asses of their disgusting addiction right fucking quick.