Mitt Romney asserts that Barack Obama is conducting an Assault on Religion. Bill Donohue, The Portly Jihadist, who even Fr. Devane would have thought kinda creepy, has heard ancestral voices prophesying War!, or maybe that was just his lunch settling. Serious Media Reporting alerts us to the Awful Blowback that the Obama administration will face due to their Tyrranical Decision to force bishops to wear condoms when they rape altar boys compel religious organizations to include contraception in their employee insurance plans:
American bishops are contemplating a massive march on Washington, using people and school kids bused in from all over to protest the law.
This will surely throw the election to Santorum!
Survey | Majority of Catholics Think Employers Should Be Required to Provide Health Care Plans that Cover Birth Control at No Cost
One of the chief reasons that people use contraception is that they quite enjoy fucking but don't necessarily want babies. This position stands in sharp contrast to that of the Lord High Boohoos of the Catholic Church, who claim that (1) you should not enjoy fucking just because fucking is fun, and (2) every time you fuck, you should be thinking, "I want a baby."
The problem that the Catholic Church has here is that fucking is fucking awesome.
No, honestly, it sort of is. Why, there is probably somewhere a scientific study that confirms this admittedly counterintuitive conclusion.
Sure, babies can be rather nice in their idiosyncratic poop-their-pants fashion. Nevertheless, even those of us who have done... things... that have led to the gestation of more than a couple of the little pukers would still (I SPEAK HERE MY SHAME) rather prefer as extaordinarily steep a fucking-to-baby-creation ratio as we can possibly manage. Because fucking is fucking awesome.
That is why this particular assertion by a Hot Air nincompoop is quite wonderful:
It’s no secret that plenty of Catholics disregard the Church’s teaching about contraception — and that’s probably what’s behind the numbers in the PRRI poll. Once a person grasps the religious liberty implications of this issue, though, it becomes another matter entirely — as opposition from Powers and other liberals indicates. Perhaps the president thought he was politically savvy to threaten religious freedom by attacking an already-unpopular position of the Catholic hierarchy — but, by this, he’s bound to learn that Catholics aren’t alone in their desire to freely exercise their faith.
Uh, keep the faith on that.
Everyone else, even Catholics, wants to fuck. Hell, even Irish Catholics enjoy fucking, once we're introduced to it properly and can stop sobbing endless shame-tears down our drink-addled translucent too-freckled faces (OCHONE) onto our partner's equally weepy genitalia (whiskey was invented for a reason), despite all that crap Fr. Devane was always yelling about.
On the issue of "personal freedom," there is no more intimate, deeply felt issue than fucking, and how you want to do it. The bishops do not have a winning hand here. They can either suck it up and pay for rubbers, or they can roll up whatever useful charitable services they provide and close their hospitals. It's a free country. I'm sure Jesus said something somewhere about how you should stop serving the sick and the poor if you have to allow your insurance plans to cover contraception, even though if your employees believed your shit they wouldn't want contraceptives anyhow....
Well, I had a very fine Jesuit education myself, but somehow I missed that bit. (Though to be fair, I was rather a lousy high school student.)
MAS. Jezebel addresses rumors. They'd better fucking be right.