The GOP's got itself some trouble, some biiiig trouble. Well, nothing a little re-marketizing won't cure, eh? Hell, if the policies and philosophies aren't working, just change the label, right? Right! Now with 100% less Bush! New label - same shitty taste! You've seen it all before, I'm sure.
Here's something I wrote last September about the label change, but I had no idea it would become official GOP policy.
You’ve probably already seen this pandering, disgusting, heartless, piece of shite “tribute” the GOP trotted out for the last night of their Convention.
“And kill us they did.” Are you kidding me?!? Assholes.
I saw the video online, last night, but as I thought about it this morning I realized something interesting. Maybe you had the same thought I did: ’What’s missing?’ I’ll show you.
Where was America’s hero, George W. Bush? Banished to the political cheap seats of satellite speech. Deliberately and conspicuously left out of John McCain’s “new Republican” National Convention. One might almost think the McCain campaign was trying to avoid association with America’s Worst President, even as they promise more of the same from a man who was proud to accept Bush’s endorsement, who voted with George W. Bush 75-90% in the last few years. That’s my impression, at least.
I chose the title of this post deliberately. Bud Light started their “Real American Heroes” ad campaign in 2000, iirc. The concept was so strong they’re still using it today, with one minor adjustment. See, after the attacks of 9/11/2001, they decided that their goofy, tongue-in-cheek descriptions of Real American Heroes would be offensive to Americans’ views of police and firefighters, so they changed the tag to “Real Men of Genius.” Still goofy, still tongue in cheek, still witty and funny, but appropriately reverent to America’s suffering after 9/11/2001.
I can dig that, I suppose. Courageous men and women gave their lives to help complete strangers. While I, and most of America, looked on in slow-motion shock, they ran into burning, disintegrating buildings to save those who could be saved. They didn’t run to the Republican floors or the Democratic offices - they deliberately ran into fire and smoke and Hell on Earth to save their fellow human beings. Rich, poor, powerful, CEOs and brokers to janitors and interns - fellow human beings.
And the GOP decided to exploit this tragedy. For political purposes. Again. Just as they’ve done for the last 7 years. But, now, even they had the “good sense” to leave George W. Bush out of it. Even though John McCain has played pilot fish to Bush’s shark for the last 7 years. Mr. Maverick - well, at least on the campaign trail.
He, with the Media’s obedient droning, tells us he’s a reformer. Sarah Palin, with the Media’s gran mal head nods, tells us she’s a reformer. Reformers. But… but, they just can’t help themselves. Like well-dressed junkies, they go back to get their fix; like spoiled children, they break down and cry and demand attention; like washed up athletes and Little Misses, they can’t stop talking about their Glory Days, when what they did mattered, at least to them.
And they expect America to sit quietly, smile politely and listen, once again, to how they could throw that football over that mountain. How, if things were different, they would have won. But always, always, revisiting whatever scene makes the best excuse and gets the most sympathy. And for Republicans, it’s always 9/11/2001. Always.
So, be afraid, America! Fall to your knees and let your Freedom dribble down your leg. If nothing else, your taxes will go down. Well, maybe not your taxes, but…
And, back to the title:
Trivia, for those who care - the singer in the Bud Light commericals is Dave Bickler, from Survivor.
Operation: Chaos - Limbaugh thought he'd throw the Democratic Primary by telling his dozens of Gold Bond addicts and loyal dittoheads to deny their Republican roots and vote Democratic in the Primaries. Y'know, for shits and giggles, not because they didn't believe in the GOP candidate. How'd that work out, ya lazy, overpaid, arrogant fuck?
Operation: Leper - I'm not even sure what the Hell that was supposed to be, but it started at RedState, iirc, so... there ya go. Republicans fighting Republicans and kicking out the, I don't know, what... the not-insane-enough Republicans? New era, bitches! Silly Putty! Foam balls! Relevance! Wolver-fucking-ines!!! Or Fuckerines!!! or whatever they're yelling at the radio, these days.
Operation: Wax Job - Buff It Out, America! Maybe some lipstick or nail polish or shoe polish. That's all we need and it'll be good as new. We don't really need to call the Law or report this or make a big fuss about this, do we? I got a cousin who knows a guy. He'll totally fix this for you.
And so it goes, so it goes. Frankly, it's a little offensive. You know, that idea that if they talk fast enough and loud enough they'll confuse us and we'll just give in to stop the noise and the brain pain and the too-much-garlic-for-lunch breath in our faces. Shrewd? Maybe. Intelligent? They don't learn.
I was talking to my landlord tonight - dittohead, money-grubbing, personal responsibility SOB with a vengeance - and even he's bitching about Bush. He's no Obama fan, but he's smart enough to know that the current crop of Republican "leaders" are suffering a severe case of dipshittia, and have no chance in God's cold Hell of ever righting the wrongs or turning this country around.
But I gotta tell ya kids... I am enjoying this shit. I haven't been this excited about stuff on the TV since MTV came to Smalltown, USA in '82. And the blogs... sweet, minty fresh Jeebus, the blogs! I could kiss John Cole, I swear. (Kevin K., it goes without saying...)
If you're a Republican politician or blogger, lemme hip you to something you might not have noticed. The World - the entire World - is laughing at you. We despise everything that you stand for and everything that you do. We want you to fail, politically and socially, so hard that children tell your story with flashlights under their chins a thousand years from now. We're tired of your shit, tired of your "traitor!" tantrums, tired of... you. And you're not fooling anyone with the sock in your Party pants.
So - eat, drink, make babies, go skiing and rent movies, take your children to the park and yell at the clouds. But go the fuck away.
We have work to do. And you're getting in the way.
[Update] - And other people... not have memo
Via Chris (the gay Muslin abortion gun-stealing America hater) in Paris at Americablog, we get this tidbit from Rudy "Ask Me About 9/11" Giuliani:
NEW YORK (CNN) -- Bonuses for Wall Street fat cats are easy political fodder in uncertain economic times, but former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani said Friday cutting corporate bonuses means slashing jobs in the Big Apple.
"If you somehow take that bonus out of the economy, it really will create unemployment," he said on CNN's "American Morning." "It means less spending in restaurants, less spending in department stores, so everything has an impact."
First, why is anyone asking this fucking clown for his opinion on anything other than paper or plastic? Seriously... Giuliani? What did this poor bastard at CNN do that pissed his bosses off enough to make him ask for fucking Giuliani's take on the situation?
Secondly, shut the fuck up, Giuliani. When we actually want your opinion, we'll ask one of your Mistresses. Maybe one of them can hock up a sentence without reminding us of 9/11.
Thirdly, keep talking, Giuliani. You are the perfect spokesman for the Republican Party. I know, I'm contradicting myself, here, but come on... Giuliani's going to give us Econ lessons? Weren't you against Socialism before you were for it, Rudy? Or is there a new form of manly Trickle Down Socialism that we're not aware of yet? Let's never mind that - just keep dazzling us with your sassy take on pink collar finances. Brain dead and out of touch? You're soaking in it!
This guy - this fucking arrogant asshole with a wandering eye and friends who need parentheses for their middle names - thought he was in touch with America; thought he could convince the Common Man that he was just like us, if we'd only give him a chance to shine, shine, shine... And the caption under the picture on the CNN page reads:
Rudy Giuliani says that when he was mayor, he gauged the New York City budget by Wall Street bonuses.
Fucking brilliant, man. I hope that shite muncher on Wall St. is enjoying the bonus I paid for to retain his "whoops! do-over!" ass in the position that fucked the better part of Americ's economic stability. Shit, I'd hate to lose that kind of talent.
But someone better call Erikson and Limbaugh, so they can put a leash on Rudy before he blows the whole operation, whatever it's called now. I don't know, Operation: I'm Not That Kat Anymore or something. Keep it together, guys... gotta keep it together.