Take My Tears & That's Not Nearly All
by va
Languishing at the butt-end of this fairly repulsive year, it seems only fitting that the hottest word in our political discourse is "taint." The year started its winding-down with this:
and is wrapping up with a Republican making an unfunny taint joke in the New York Times:
The
Blagojevich scandal, ladies and gentlemen: a grand conspiracy running
from the top all the way to the very, very bottom to talk about
assholes as frequently and gratuitously as possible. They must think
we're all deeply stupid.
And who's to say we're not!! Case in point: The Times warns us today of the dangers of walking on New Year's Eve. It's very dangerous! Tara Parker-Pope says, "It’s a little known fact that Jan. 1 is the deadliest day of the year for pedestrians." I did not know! I mean, motility is a fairly basic feature of humanity; how badly could it go awry? Sure, it's possible to walk poorly, wasting motion and energy, not utilizing the ideal posture, not paying attention to oncoming traffic, disregarding "THIN ICE" signs, sleepily wandering over the edge of a cliff only to look down and disappear with a dust-puff, forgetfully carrying armed grenades, dynamite with lit fuses, swinging chainsaws... Should we have stayed at home and thought of here? Maybe Pascal was right about just sitting quietly in one's room?
It depends. Just how dangerous is walking, anyway? Tara Parker-Pope again:
Twenty-fucking four! Gadzooks! Why, if Alberto Gonzalez goes toddling around tonight, he could lecture us about how nearly he became a statistic! Ah, well. If you're looking for me tonight, I'll be the guy stumbling out of a bar in lower Manhattan, parading around, probably naked, reeking of booze and gasoline with a drink in one hand and a flame thrower in the other, laughing at 2009 as it timidly takes hold over the land and kicking it in the shins.
I am locking myself in a closet and drinking myself into a stupor tonight. Hopefully, when I regain consciousness tomorrow all of these asshats will have been magically raptured away.
Posted by: DrDick | December 31, 2008 at 03:50 PM
I left...skidmarks...stopping to read this post!
Posted by: actor212 | December 31, 2008 at 06:19 PM
i know a guy who was killed on New Year's Eve walking down the road drunk. the guy who ran over him was also drunk
I hope you were driving, actor and didn't mean the other kind.
Posted by: merl | January 01, 2009 at 06:39 AM
Merl, um, yea, that's the kind I, um, meant.
Posted by: actor212 | January 01, 2009 at 08:59 AM