Knives in the Back of Me

by Molly Ivors

You gotta feel a bit bad for Barack Obama, all things considered. He's so clearly the better candidate. I know it. You know it. Dogs know it. He spends the week touring the globe facing millions of people who literally expect him to Save the World, and his reward is to get a private sitdown with the Prom Queen of Sulzberger High, who is allowed to needle him endlessly with bullshit questions and air raids and her snide smoking asides.  (Patent pending on those, Ann Althouse! Step off, beeyotch!) It's enough to give a guy the bends.

In MoDo's world, Obama, a Dem, is sexually suspect, two terms which inspire thoughts of the Department of Redundancy Department. And so his encounter with French president Sarkozy, that wingnut twat, was not a meeting between a world leader and a presumptive world leader designed to make up for five years of Freedom Toast, but a cinq à sept, a liaison in the afternoon, languorous and stolen.

Passing acquaintances collide in a moment of transcendent passion. They look at each other shyly and touch tenderly during their Paris cinq à sept, exchange some existential thoughts under exquisite chandeliers, and — tant pis — go their separate ways.

Sarko, back to Carla Bruni. Obama, forward to Gordon Brown. A Man and a Man. All it needed was a lush score and Claude Lelouch.

(And yes, in case you're wondering, there are days when I wish deconstructing MoDo's psyche was not my avocation, because you gotta wonder who gets a pup tent or a wide-on from standard photo-ops of political meetings. That's just weird. Brokeback Ballroom?) Note  that Sarkozy gets to go home to the hot chick, Obama to the milquetoast New Labour guy. Clearly, Sarkozy isn't really "like that," but Obama is. And he was sad, so sad, to be leaving Paris. Bet you were too, Mo.

The funny part is, MoDo likes Obama, at least as much as she's capable of doing. And he seems to have figured out how to handle her, more or less. But he can't control the way she writes, the collection and accretion of elements she's using to build the narrative against him. And I'm not entirely sure she can, either, though identifying the urge to trivialize as a compulsion does seem to let her off the hook somewhat. Still. I may be compelled to eat a tube of raw cookie dough, but I don't.

Today's outing has two established narrative threads: the gay thing (which will never really go away for her, I don't think), and the Chosen One thing, noted in moments such as these:  "After 200,000 people thronged to see Obama at the Victory Column in Berlin, christening him 'Redeemer' and 'Savior,' it turned out Sarko was also Obamarized, as the Germans were calling the mesmerizing effect." And, "How does he like the McCain camp mocking him as 'The One'? 'Even if you start believing your own hype, which I rarely do, things’ll turn on you pretty quick anyway,' he said. 'I have a fairly steady temperament that has at times been interpreted as, ‘Oh, he’s sort of too cool.’ But it’s not real.' "

Nicely done, Senator. Deft. The only way, really, to face down MoDo and her ilk is to turn the narratives against her. Not that she's figured out that he's figured that out, of course: since she follows the above immediately with, "Obama kept his cool through a week where he was treated as a cross between the Dalai Lama and Johnny Depp."  But Obama has already done and end-run around that narrative, and another nascent one MoDo notes here: that in his incredible popularity abroad, he's going to alienate dumbass rednecks:

I asked how his “Citizen of the World” tour will go down in Steubenville, Ohio.

“There will probably be some backlash,” he said. “I’m a big believer that if something’s good then there’s a bad to it, and vice versa. We had a good week. That always inspires the press to knock me down a peg.”

(A disclaimer to the dumbass redneck population: my family roots are in Bellaire, Ohio, a scant 30 miles from Steubenville, where my beloved older brother attended some sort of Catholic evangelical college.)

But in noting that he expects this line of attack, Obama largely defangs it. (Remember the reports of John Kerry speaking French with his brother? Clearly, a faux-French fag.) Obama's on to the game, the structure of innuendo and destruction in which the press has gleefully participated while Rome burns under their feet, MoDo most of all. Except I think he seems to miss one thing: the relentless need to pump sex and sexuality into the narrative.

In Berlin, the tabloid Bild sent an attractive blonde reporter to stalk Obama at the Ritz-Carlton gym as he exercised with his body man, Reggie Love. She then wrote a tell-all, enthusing, “I’m getting hot, and not from the workout,” and concluding, “What a man.”

Obama marveled: “I’m just realizing what I’ve got to become accustomed to. The fact that I was played like that at the gym. Do you remember ‘The Color of Money’ with Paul Newman? And Forest Whitaker is sort of sitting there, acting like he doesn’t know how to play pool. And then he hustles the hustler. She hustled us. We walk into the gym. She’s already on the treadmill. She looks like just an ordinary German girl. She smiles and sort of waves, shyly, but doesn’t go out of her way to say anything. As I’m walking out, she says: ‘Oh, can I have a picture? I’m a big fan.’ Reggie takes the picture.”

I ask him if he found it a bit creepy that she described his T-shirt as smelling like “fabric softener with spring scent.”

He looked nonplussed: “Did she describe what my T-shirt smelled like?”

Clearly, this reporter needs to work on her inner Parker Posey if she wants to be the German MoDo. At least she got a workout out of this. What did MoDo get?

Well,maybe she got to go shopping in Paris. But she didn't score any points against Obama today, much as she tried.

Comments

[El Cid]

I forced myself out of sheer willpower to see what nuttiness MoDo would be spluttering.

And very quickly in, it just became creepy.

There's just something massively wrong in her head.

[res ipsa loquitur]

the Prom Queen of Sulzberger High

Wow. That's great.

(Christ, I hope that doesn't make Friedman the king.)

[aimai]

Me-ow.

Molly, you are the only one who can take the horror out of Modo. LIke res ipsa I think "the prom queen of sulzberger High" is a keeper.

aimai

[slag]

I feel bad for MoDo. Like I felt bad for Blanche DuBois in A Streetcar Named Desire.

[UberMitch]

Dogs know it.

"You are going to discover muscles, you never knew you had! Big... muscles, hard... muscles!"

[Bitter Scribe]

Jesus Christ, MoDo, just call him a faggot and get it over with.

If there's one thing worse than a professional slimer, it's a professional slimer who doesn't even have the courage of her slimy convictions.

[Jemand von Niemand]

Down the road (unless Pinch comes to his senses and fires the fuckwit), Mo will feel she's made a connection with Obama. Kind of like what happened with Bill. There will be more of what passes for playful, teasing banter -- filled with gushing, backseat-in-the-Chevy fantasies, and barbed-wire spite -- in her scribblings about That Man.

Then, something will happen. It will be sudden, like a triggered memory of a trauma; Mo will feel spurned and betrayed. And she'll turn on That Man with an obsessive scorn that... well, we all remember the MoDo of 1998-2000. And everyone but the Times will recognize that the Paper is doing nothing in Mo's case but subsidizing her little garden-variety pathology by handing her a bigger megaphone.

Pinch, stand up and be a Mensch: Give this idiot a little party in the NYT pressroom, right now; hand her a bottle of Powers', and tell her Buh-Bye. American Letters and generations yet unborn will thank you for it.

[SamFromUtah]

But in noting that he expects this line of attack, Obama largely defangs it.

Obama seems to be the first Democrat in a long time to recognize that the righties are going to attack him no matter what he does. Knowing that, he can forestall or minimize the effect instead of trying to wheedle some friendliness out of them - because there's no way in hell that's going to happen.

It's been amazing to watch. Maybe it's easier to fight it these days because it's getting so blatant. Everything Obama does is not merely bad, it's the worst thing that's ever been done by anyone ever.

[Steve-MD/DC]

OT, some news* about an old creepy blogquaintance of y'all.
*[Via guest poster Anthony at the good Roger Ailes' site; I ain't linkin' to the originating post.]

[skippy]

you don't need to sully yourself deconstructing dowd's words.

she's an idiot. you know it. i know it. dogs know it.

[Thers]

Steve -- and good grief, he hasn't left. Someone left an insulting comment mentioning his kid, and now he & his insane clown posse are trying to find out who it is, and he's threatening physical assault. He suspects that Scott from World O'Crap involved and has expressed a desire to fight him. What a sociopath. They're posting the street addresses and phone numbers of "suspects."

[Sinfonian]

my family roots are in Bellaire, Ohio, a scant 30 miles from Steubenville, where my beloved older brother attended some sort of Catholic evangelical college.

Isn't Bellaire also the home of baseball's Niekro brothers, Phil and Joe? I know it's somewhere around there.

As for Steubenville (Dean Martin's hometown, btw), the Franciscan University of Steubenville is a freaky place indeed. Back in 1985, I dated a girl who went to school there -- the word "Franciscan" wasn't in the school's name then -- and while it wasn't quite as nutso as it is today, I still was extraordinarily uncomfortable.

Not sure why I had to share that little anecdote, but there it is. Those who don't like it can fuck off. And listen to more ranting and craziness tomorrow. ;)

[Tehanu]

SamfromUtah: Obama seems to be the first Democrat in a long time to recognize that the righties are going to attack him no matter what he does.

Exactly. This was the reason for Clinton Derangement Syndrome, I think: they hated him worse because, by co-opting their positions, he made it harder for them to attack him, which they would do no matter what. If Obama's figured it out and is prepared to deal with it, great.

[Steve-MD/DC]

Thers @5:40

You're braver than me - must be that raising kids thang that gives you such superhuman powers. :-)

I never read the creep even way back in the days before he pulled that nasty sh*t on you guys. Ain't going there now, especially seeing that he remains true to original form.

Blech!

[Mo MoDo]

It's Sarkozy that has the man-crush on Obama. That doesn't make Barack gay. Just highly desired. Why else would German blonds be stalking him in hotel gyms.

[TeddySanFran]

I would like Bea Arthur to play MoDo in the Lifetime Movie of her life.

Thanks, Molly, I've calmed down now. I spent the day on other blogs telling people MoDo should be jailed for today's column. I forgot to come here for your wisdom.

Calm now.

[actor212]

MoDo the 'Bam pyre killer...

[actor212]

Thers,

Dan showed up at Skippy's asking the same question "Are you Lamb Cannon?"

I suggested a quick Google search but I doubt he'd do that unless he was wearing a condom.

[flory]

As aimai and RIL say --"The prom queen of Sulzberger High" is an absolute gem.
It better go down in posterity.

...identifying the urge to trivialize as a compulsion does seem to let her off the hook somewhat. Still. I may be compelled to eat a tube of raw cookie dough, but I don't.

You've nailed it. Not just with Modo, but with the corporate media in general. They've all bought into the fantasy that if they 'ironically' identify their own failing, they're not required to try and correct them.
Fah!!

(Erm....you've never eaten the tube of raw cookie dough......?)

Except I think he seems to miss one thing: the relentless need to pump sex and sexuality into the narrative.

I dunno.

I'd say the whole gaii/sex thing was limited mostly to MoDo and Tweety.

I think as for the rest you were correct in saying that Obama's ability to turn their line of attack against them has proven pretty successful.

[nick]

I just got the picture.

"Fry like bacon, bitches!"

Parker Posey's moment in the sun. Very underrated movie experience.

[tommo]

MoDo felt the need to femenize Gore and Kerry as well. I hope she's proud of her aid to getting W elected twice.

But this need to feminize strong men, she feels inferior, and therefore needs to try to reduce the power of the other. Is that not classic evidence of penis envy?

[Halloween Jack]

"Do you remember ‘The Color of Money’ with Paul Newman? And Forest Whitaker is sort of sitting there, acting like he doesn’t know how to play pool. And then he hustles the hustler."

Is it just me, or in that self-deprecating comment, did Obama tell MoDo to her face that she was being served--and she not only missed it, but passed it on to the world?

[Dr. Tettrazini]

Dr. Obama has had this sort of confrontation before, in the classroom. Mo is a
girl. Mo is a lonely girl. Mo is a lonely girl with a passkey to the printshop.
In print Mo is a girl without shame. Mo does the smarty girl thing. Tries to make answers sound like questions. It's an old trick. Mo is a one trick girl.
Mo's trick is to fool herself into feeling important. Mo is getting off on things
like these posts. Ignore Mo. No more Mo. If you want Pinch to lose Mo lose
interest in Mo. No Mo.

The Doctor.