Michael Bloomberg has taken to the editorial pages of the New York Times, where, reckless of consequences, he boldly challenges the fearsome forces that are arrayed against the brave, lonely champions of bipartisanship. Hark to his proud defiance.
More of the same won’t do, on the economy or any other issue. We need innovative ideas, bold action and courageous leadership. That’s not just empty rhetoric, and the idea that we have the ability to solve our toughest problems isn’t some pie-in-the-sky dream.
Childe Mayor to the Dork Tower Came. Anyway you know it's not empty rhetoric and that he's proposing controversial specific policies because he doesn't actually mention any, which is in and of itself sort of a brave move, in that he's not afraid to be praised to High Heaven for spouting obvious mindless bullshit that will get him soundly fellated by nitwit fossils with opinion-page sinecures. Talk about your desperate last stands.
He also issues an ultimatum, or diktat, or commandment, or some similar class of Haughty Pronouncement:
I believe that an independent approach to these issues is essential to governing our nation — and that an independent can win the presidency. I listened carefully to those who encouraged me to run, but I am not — and will not be — a candidate for president. I have watched this campaign unfold, and I am hopeful that the current campaigns can rise to the challenge by offering truly independent leadership. The most productive role that I can serve is to push them forward, by using the means at my disposal to promote a real and honest debate.
In the weeks and months ahead, I will continue to work to steer the national conversation away from partisanship and toward unity; away from ideology and toward common sense; away from sound bites and toward substance. And while I have always said I am not running for president, the race is too important to sit on the sidelines, and so I have changed my mind in one area. If a candidate takes an independent, nonpartisan approach — and embraces practical solutions that challenge party orthodoxy — I’ll join others in helping that candidate win the White House.
Right. Because Michael Fucking Bloomberg commands Armies of Voters and thus needs to be courted, and if you defy him, FEAR THE WRATH OF HIS HORDES OF THREE DOZEN MEALYMOUTHED CRETINOUS ASTHMATIC FLYING BRODERITE MONKEYS!
The prospect of which, I'm sure, intimidates somebody.
(Below: Michael Bloomberg, Mighty Nonpartisan Sorceror.)
And while I have always said I am not running for president, the race is too important to sit on the sidelines.
So he's in the race, but not of it? As we learned in the Superbowl, even hovering over the sideline is a penalty.
Posted by: va | February 28, 2008 at 01:27 AM
please find herein a carelessly selected bouquet of reactions from the voices in my head:
oh we are the Bloomberg Army/and every one of us cares/ about thoughtful nonpartisan unity-type solutions to real-world problems/ unlike the rest of you squares
Someone alert Victor Jefferson Davis Leptus Maximus Luxury Yacht Hansen that he has a new hero to hymn; a peer to Leonidas, George Armstrong Custer and Other Leading Brands- M. Fucking Bloomberg.
oh, and i think it was a ukase, or perhaps a fatwa.
Posted by: dalton periphery | February 28, 2008 at 08:01 AM
Childe Mayor to the Dork Tower Came.
That made me very, very happy.
Posted by: julia | February 28, 2008 at 09:19 AM
If a candidate takes an independent, nonpartisan approach — and embraces practical solutions that challenge party orthodoxy — I’ll join others in helping that candidate win the White House.
In Bloomberg's War on Empty Rhetoric, it may surprise him who the first casualty might be.
Posted by: Jay B. | February 28, 2008 at 01:14 PM
I cried real tears when I read that he would not be running. Oh, mighty independent non-partisan practical non-orthodox billionaire, why won't you heed the call of a nation that needs you?
Posted by: bobbo | February 28, 2008 at 01:38 PM
I could think of worse Presidents than Bloomberg.
McCain springs to mind. Bush is etched in stone.
That said, if this is what it takes for people to take the months and months of denials seriously, so that people looking at the Empty Suit v. the Empty Heart, and go OHMYGOD! and ask him to run will now shut up, I have no problem with his comment.
Posted by: actor212 | February 28, 2008 at 03:48 PM
If a candidate takes an independent, nonpartisan approach — and embraces practical solutions that challenge party orthodoxy — I’ll join others in helping that candidate win the White House.
Oh, of only there were a candidate who was, I don't know, some sort of a "maverick", maybe even a "straight talker", then Bloomberg could endorse him!
Where, oh where, could such a candidate be?
Posted by: SteveB | February 28, 2008 at 11:59 PM
Hey, that's what that e-mail was about!
Posted by: Righteous Bubba | February 29, 2008 at 12:05 AM
it is my opinion and many facts support that the bull shit is in this the divided states of America and needs to stop. your kids are stupid and the education system is poor. so why are we wasting money in other countries, when the institutions with in this country witch teach and protect the people do not receive enough money, by those that govern them, to get our education or health care to the top ten in the world. i did not vote for anything like this. so then what exactly makes us the greatest country in the world, how many people we kill in other countries and our own or the money we waste on such atrocities. the problems that bloomberg hints of are real, effecting you negatively right now and are so vast in number to list. i don't know bloomberg or his true intentions and their for can't pass judgement. the only thing i would like to judge is that witch will forcibly take my civil liberties, natural freedoms and finances for a victimless crimes. personal choices people make that affect no one else but the individual. the system witch is looking more and more each day as not a system but a set up, that makes up these laws to get your money and gain power. too many people take the authority as the truth instead of the truth as the authority. so when you listen to others do not get mad or defensive, take that opinion and incorporate it into your world views. it is called respect and greedy intolerant governments, corporations, and religious institutions are not respectful to others out side of their circles. and as history has shown, they can only end up dead or dictators enslaving the masses to support the few. always remember that a species can not survive if it kills its self- i fear we are doomed.
Posted by: Dvidedwestand | February 29, 2008 at 01:32 AM
your kids are stupid
Hey, stop knockin' my kids. At least they know how to use the "Shift" key.
Posted by: SteveB | February 29, 2008 at 09:14 AM
What's the over/under on how many days this pompous ass would last in a real presidential campaign?
And SteveB, comments like yours make me glad I work from home. There's no one around to hear me laugh like a lunatic.
Posted by: Bitter Scribe | February 29, 2008 at 12:33 PM
dividedwestand, really? Tell me more.
Posted by: Thers | February 29, 2008 at 08:55 PM