The Finest Joke Is upon Us

It's on!

The 2008 Whiskey Fire John McCain Obscene Limerick Googlebomb Project, that is.

We did this last year; indeed, it ended on 1/23/07, so this is kind of fortuitous. The original spark for the John McCain Obscene Limerick Googlebomb Project came from this Chris Bowers post, where Bowers explained, "If you are anything like me, you are sick and tired of the national image of John McCain as some sort of independent, principled, Republican moderate." John McCain is nothing of the sort: he's a fucking dishonest asshole.

A McCain administration would be a fucking disaster. He's unique in American politics in that he's sold out pretty much everyone of any ideological stripe who ever even for a minute thought he might possess, like, some sort of principle. ANY sort of principle. Take immigration, where he managed to oppose his own legislation out of sheer political expediency. Or take torture,  where he preens himself on his "independence," but in reality does nothing. From Iraq, to torture, to immigration, to campaign finance "reform" -- everything McMidas McCain touches turns to absolute shit, but because we have a moron-grade punditocracy, he has a wholly unearned reputation as a straight-talking maverick, when he's just a pandering prick. Fuck him.

So the point is to try to get as many Google searches for John McCain as we can to point to a site that says something accurate about the guy. I picked this piece from Reason because it's relatively recent, has a lot of links, and why the hell not, anyhow?

The distinctive feature of this Googlebomb, though, is that it will come in the form of extremely obscene limericks. The more tasteless the better. This is not a nice blog, after all. Here's a sample:

A sick drippy prick named McCain
Went & ate the Punditry's brain:
McCain's silly "straight talk"
Made Tweety squishily squawk --
Until out of his Hardballs, he came.

Or this, from Righteous Bubba:

John McCain's sending Valentine's notes
To those sowing political oats
"I'm a faithful factotum
Who'll slurp crabs from your scrotum
If you can deliver me votes."

That is the shit. If you have a blog, please put this link in your template somewhere:

http://reason.com/blog/show/123971.html

Linked as "John McCain."

And leave your own obscene John McCain limericks in comments here. I'll collect and publish the best of them on Friday 2/1 with a link to your blog.

Comments

[Righteous Bubba]

The campaign workers' guts growl with gas
As they dread what may yet come to pass.
The handler's pain:
To prevent John McCain
From felching his running-mate's ass.

[dms]

Second one scans better if you change Who'll to I'll.

[TRex]

There once was a shill named McCain,
Whose dick was as small as his brain.
He kept a portable Jew
In his pocket, it's true,
And said, "I keep him cos he makes me look sane!"

[Righteous Bubba]

The campaign worker looked up in shock
What the hell was that ungodly squawk?
"John McCain," said her boss,
"Has salad to toss
Before he sucks lobbyist cock."

[Phila]

John McCain said, while blowing a goat,
"I sure hope I can count on your vote.
Sucking goat dick's my plan
to prove I'm my own man.
See, it's not Bush's cock down my throat!"

[Doug Watts]

Honest John found himself in a fix
When he professed non-hate for spix
Which is a horrible word, but is quite often heard
To describe American citizens of Central American and Puerto Rican ancestry.
On shit-ass bigot Republican websites.

[Doug Watts]

John McCain convinces people like me
That what we see is not all that we see
While I see an old man with white, clammy hands
I see also a big fucking dangerous liar.
With glands.

[Doug Watts]

[this one scans correctly. I'm a dumbass limericist.]

John McCain teaches people like me
That what we see is not all that we see
While I see an old man with white, clammy hands
I see also a big fucking dangerous liar.
With glands.

[Doug Watts]

John McCain and the Klan are a pair
They like to lie and say that they play fair
The Klan tortured black people
McCain says to his people
Pull my finger, really ... pull it.

[Doug Watts]

Bolo ties were once lacking in tassles
So they went down way south of Los Brasos
Where an Apache named Clem
In a big plug of phlegm
Hatched John McCain out of his asshole.

[SteveB]

The libs in their efforts were frugal,
just like Bill's old pal Jim McDougal
"The fascists will rule,
all the courts and the schools,
but at least we'll take over Teh Google!"

[rea]

Since I can't seem to do poetry this mornign, I'll take the liberty of recyling a couple of my efforts from a few threads ago:

A curious man named McCain,
Has a hundred year war on the brain,
He calls for a surge,
First a binge, then a purge,
While the press sings an admiring refrain.

John McCain campaigned in Nantucket,
Saying,"I'll give you straight talk--I won't duck it,
I will bomb, bomb Iran,
Whether Congress says I can,

[rea]

[missing last line]:

If the country doesn't want war, well, fuck it."

[Man, I'm slow & stupid this am]

[coozledad]

That cockfighting polyp-shack, Brimley,
Said: "Of course McCain's had his cock in me.
Didn't hurt like you'd think
But the boy's like a mink.
And he knocked some bricks loose from my chimney."

[Molly Ivors]

McCain removed his flaccid cock,
And glanced at the grandfather clock.
He said "Holy Joe,
That went far too slow.
We nearly missed our Matlock!"

[actor212]

Man of the people
Lied in his sleep
John McCain is toast.

Oh...what? Not Haiku? Um, sorry...

[coozledad]

Joe Lieberman sneers: "It's invalid! If the Dems don't want me, they're nuts.
I'm the man that tossed John McCain's salad.
Try sticking YOUR tongue in his guts!"

[coozledad]

The Matthews technique of discussion
Comes basically straight down to this:
You slur like you've had a concussion,
And shower in John McCain's piss.

[Righteous Bubba]

The John McCain Straight Talk Express
Left the bathhouse a terrible mess
McCain on the floor
Was moaning "No more!"
But we all know McCain's no means yes.

[Righteous Bubba]

I like Phila's best.

[coozledad]

I'm sorry. Apparently I don't know the difference between a limerick and fatuous doggerel.

[Mad Librarian]

A rash on the bum named McCain
Keeps recurring again and again,
We thought we were cured, But this buoyant turd,
Continues to circle the drain.

[Mad Librarian]

The wingnuts are in quite a fix,
There's no one who keeps up their pricks,
First Rudy then Fred,
Then Huckabee's led,
Now McCain gets in a few licks.

[Mad Librarian]

For political advantage McCain
Would suck on a mattress shit-stain,
He'd happily swallow
A whole hog and its wallow,
If it might ever bring him small gain.

[Smiling Mortician]

Once Maverick McCain went to war
but he’s now a political whore.
Watch him scramble for votes
by fondling the scrotes
of hawks who kill kids — fuck the poor.

[iamcoyote]

Don't forget the linky in your verses - I learned that the hard way last time!

Here's mine:

Good ol' Chuck thinks McCain's much too old
Says his dick has begun getting cold
Holy Joe disagrees
He's been down on his knees
As he swallows and grins, says "I'm sold!"

[arithmoquine]

John McCain had a plan for Iraq
To make his election a lock.
"If the surge doesn't win it,
And more troops die in it,
Well, at least it'll harden my cock."

[arithmoquine]

The media love this pseudo-maverick,
Whose soft cock they continually lick,
But when he flip-flops
And says Bush is tops,
They still just keep sucking his dick.

[arithmoquine]

McCain criticized Falwell and Pat
As intolerant theocrats
But now on his knees,
He's begging them, please,
To lick their grotesque theo-twats.

[Mad Librarian]

'Mongst Repuglican phonies and frauds,
One "john" dangles above the old bawds,
It's Bukkake McCain,
Whose message is plain:
"For votes I will grin and slurp wads".

[Doug Watts]

McCain, RedState says, is a traitor
For not being a brown person hater
He stayed way too long
At Hotel Viet Cong
And thinks we all share a Creator.

[Doug Watts]

When it was time to cast votes on
teh torture
John McCain said,
today's quite a scorcher
Dubya gave him some ice
In a way that felt nice
And now John's soul lies
under the porcher.

[Mad Librarian]

Aswim in an ocean of spunk,
McCain acts like the Christianists' punk;
At Robertson's commands,
He fills up his hands
And chugs like a recidivist drunk.

[Mad Librarian]

How low can a 'maverick' sink,
To pander with nary a blink,
When watching McCain
One looks on in pain.
A fart's never aware of its stink.

[Righteous Bubba]

In an opium den in Hong Kong,
John McCain slurped a Chinaman's dong.
He'd been awfully uptight
As a tool of the right
And he wanted to try something Wong.

[Righteous Bubba]

"What the hell made that hideous stain?"
"Gangbangery of John McCain."
"You've got to be joking."
"No, he takes quite a poking
When he thinks that there's something to gain."

[va]

John McCain cunty cunty O fuck
herpal rimjobs and pustules fuck fuck.
McCain shits bloody shits,
maverick shrivelly tits;
Fuck John McCain fucking cock fuck!

[iamcoyote]

va wins!

[iamcoyote]

But, RB, I just love the word "gangbangery." Kudos.

[SteveB]

The American pilot McCain,
dropped napalm on kids from his plane.
We made him a hero,
for acting like Nero,
and let him, as Senator, reign.

(just to show that there's more than one definition of the word obscene)

[coozledad]

While choking on John McCain's wad
Joe Lieberman thought he saw God.
But it was only the shadow
of some gado-gado
McCain failed to scrape from his ass.

[Righteous Bubba]

Va's is pretty good.

[Righteous Bubba]

The Knob-Gobblétron Unit Mark 6
Automatically satisfied dicks
But the secret inside
Was McCain who was fried
And was giving out blowjobs for kicks.

[Doug Watts]

The desert does not separate
based on how you came here
or the date
Arizona is stuck
with a bunch of dumb fucks
who don't get this,
hence the hate.

[coozledad]

Larry Craig phoned up Senator Vitter,
Saying "Jiminy-God damn I'm bitter.
We're objects of fun,
But McCain plays top-gun
while snorkelling in W's shitter."

[Mad Librarian]

While gumming on neocon spooge,
The old geezer imagines he's huge,
"I'm Straight-Talk McCain,
I drive Libruls insane",
But really he's just Bush's stooge.

[justme]

John McCain the electoral ho
Will eat babies to stay in the dough
But it won't break the mold
If he puts it on hold
'Til he's finished stinkfingering Joe.

[justme]

John McCain's standard excrement robbery
Takes a break as he's getting it slobbery
With his tongue, just a twist
Plus his wrist and his fist
But his new favorite's hobnail-knobgobblery.

[Steven Schultz]

McCain is a crazy sick fuck
But the press whores just love him; what luck!
They say, "Big Daddy, please,…
While we're down on our knees,…
May we give Little Johnny a suck."

[Steven Schultz]

McCain is a crazy sick fuck
But the press whores just love him; what luck!
They say, "Big Daddy, please,…
While we're down on our knees,…
May we give Little Johnny a suck?"

(Oops. Better with a question mark at the end.)