Greater Wingnuttia appears to be progressing rather rapidly through the stages of grief over the probable nomination of St. John of Arizona as the GOP nominee: from denial to depression to stark-raving bugshit lunatic acceptance in about 24 hours. This last emanates from noted plagiarist and pompous git Ben Domenech, who also informs us:
The Reagan coalition survived Read my lips. It survived Bob Dole's peanut butter. It survived compassionate conservatism and its kid stepbrother national greatness. And it will survive John McCain and everything he will do as our nominee and as president. In fact—in a twisted version of the ancient Vulcan proverb “Only Nixon could go to China”—only McCain can save it.
They will say the coalition is dead—but we will know better. We know it only sleeps. We will cast our votes knowing that the day will come, four years from now, when a new leader, one who knows what the shining city truly means, stands in front of the fresh-dug tomb, and calls into the blackness, as if to Lazarus—"Come out!"
And when we hear it, we will rise from out of our stupor, dust cobwebs from our arms, stumble to the door, our eyes blinking in the sunlight … and we will know our day has come.
It's okay, you can smile. The bastards won't know what hit 'em.
Oh, I think we'll know what gummed our ankles all right on that Dawn of the Dorks.
The first point here is that anyone thinking the Conservative Base won't find a way of frothing just as maniacally for McCain as they did against him, well, it's awfully late in the game to expect any sort of consistency out of that crowd. The second is that Domenech supplies further evidence for my thesis that wingnuts can't write for shit. (The tomb is freshly dug and also four years old? You can see why he had to go out and steal from people who had some clue what they were doing.)
The Vulcans had proverbs about Nixon?
I always suspected as much.
Posted by: Molly Ivors | January 30, 2008 at 05:52 PM
Weird how having a Permanent Majority involves having fewer elected officials than the other side sometimes. All part of the master - or mastur - plan, I guess.
Posted by: SamFromUtah | January 30, 2008 at 06:20 PM
He's right, you know. Beating these people at an election means nothing. The only way to keep them down is to drive a stake through their hearts and bury them at the crossroads at midnight.
Posted by: Bloix | January 30, 2008 at 06:59 PM
Was this incredibly piss-poor excuse for a writer even a zygote when Reagan was shambling around the halls in the White House?
Seriously, who ARE these people?
Posted by: CatStaff | January 30, 2008 at 07:12 PM
The Reagan coalition survived Read my lips. It survived Bob Dole's peanut butter. It survived compassionate conservatism and its kid stepbrother national greatness. And it will survive John McCain and everything he will do as our nominee and as president.
Errrrrrrr, weren't most of these guys THE coalition?
Posted by: actor212 | January 30, 2008 at 07:13 PM
And when we hear it, we will rise from out of our stupor, dust cobwebs from our arms, stumble to the door, our eyes blinking in the sunlight … and we will know our day has come.
And we will shout "BRAIIIIIIIIIIIINS!!!!"
Posted by: actor212 | January 30, 2008 at 07:17 PM
The tomb is freshly dug and also four years old?
I'm sure he meant dug up, but still...
Posted by: actor212 | January 30, 2008 at 07:18 PM
I just know I am going to have a nightmare tonight about Reagan rising from his grave.
All this glorification of Reagan makes me nauseous. One of the high points of my young life was turning 18 in time to vote against the miserable bastard. If there is a god a special place will be reserved in hell for Reagan and the misery he wrought upon his fellow human beings.
Posted by: Jake T. Snake | January 30, 2008 at 07:24 PM
Jake,
Not for nothing, but I suspect God thought he was so evil, he made him start eternity in a shell of a body controlled by a walnut of a brain.
Posted by: actor212 | January 30, 2008 at 07:43 PM
The Vulcans had proverbs about Nixon?
I always suspected as much.
That's a Spock quote from TOS /geek
I'm not worried about the conservatives as much as I am about the idiot independents who apparently think all that twinkly mavericity mean that McCain is the kinda guy they want with his hand on the helm. I have a few at work.
Posted by: julia | January 30, 2008 at 07:47 PM
I'm sure he meant dug up, but still...
I thought of that, but then in the Bible, Lazarus's grave is not dug up, the stone is rolled away.
Suffice it to say, our friend the plagiarist is somehow confused.
Posted by: Thers | January 30, 2008 at 08:15 PM
Why is the coalition sleeping? I mean, it's so great and all, shouldn't it be, I don't know... doing something? We are engaged in the greatest struggle civilization has ever known, right? Bunch o' fat, lazy bastards...
And when we hear it, we will rise from out of our stupor, dust cobwebs from our arms, stumble to the door, our eyes blinking in the sunlight
Yes, these are the people who are going to protect all of Western Civilization. I feel safer just thinking about them slumbering away, the Cobwebs of Patriotism slowly, so slowly, spreading across their mighty biceps.
The stupor part explains a few things, though, don't it?
Posted by: Ripley | January 30, 2008 at 09:07 PM
Dear Ben,
The instructions that come with the blotter acid are very important.
Posted by: ceo | January 30, 2008 at 09:28 PM
calls into the blackness, as if to Lazarus—"Come out!"
And Lazarus will be like, Bitch, when I come out, you think it's gonna be to choirs of angels and radiant sunlight? Please. I'll come out in darkness and shame when I'm arrested for soliciting in a men's room. But thanks for the offer.
Posted by: va | January 30, 2008 at 09:32 PM
i had a ferret once. his name was lazarus (it's a long story), he died.
it wasn't pretty.
he deserved better, box turtle boy, not so much.
Posted by: charley | January 30, 2008 at 09:38 PM
And Lazarus will be like, Bitch, when I come out, you think it's gonna be to choirs of angels and radiant sunlight? Please. I'll come out in darkness and shame when I'm arrested for soliciting in a men's room. But thanks for the offer.
Right. I mean, we know there were at least three other dudes in the tomb with him.
After all, he came fourth.
Posted by: Thers | January 30, 2008 at 09:50 PM
The stupor part explains a few things, though, don't it?
Indeed it does...
Posted by: Thers | January 30, 2008 at 09:53 PM
I should also note that Ben forgot to mention anything about "... pin tiny flags to our lapels..."
Oversight? Or treason?
Posted by: Ripley | January 30, 2008 at 09:54 PM
I don't think the 'coalition is dead'. I think it's brain dead.
Posted by: mikefromtexas | January 30, 2008 at 11:26 PM
Dawn of the Dorks
Nearly spewed mah Irish. And it's the good stuff.
We will cast our votes knowing that the day will come, four years from now, when a new leader
The Plagiarist doesn't seem to have any confidence that St John of Arizona will be occupying the White House four years hence. Or is he proposing a primary challenge to a sitting preznit?
Either way -- such heresy from a good wingnut....
The bastards won't know what hit 'em.
So fine. The bastards won't dig your pasty ass out.....
Posted by: flory | January 31, 2008 at 12:16 AM
God, that boy writes for shit. And he just won't shut his fucking mouth, either.... On and on and on and on....
Posted by: d | January 31, 2008 at 03:12 AM
Right. I mean, we know there were at least three other dudes in the tomb with him.
After all, he came fourth.
Glad I didn't have a mouthful of coffee when I read that.
Also... I was about to apologize on behalf of all Trekkies everywhere because of Ben's appropriation of a Spock quote, but I decided that he's really a changeling from the Dominion in the Gamma Quadrant. After all, they're great at copying from others without proper attribution...
Posted by: Halloween Jack | January 31, 2008 at 11:05 AM
Bob Dole's peanut butter...
Does anyone have any idea what he's taking about here? The pictures that come to mind aren't pretty.
Posted by: SteveB | January 31, 2008 at 11:28 AM
Errrrrrrr, weren't most of these guys THE coalition?
Only in your fact-based world, actor212.
In wingnut world nothing as lofty as the "Reagan Coalition" could have been composed of such base things as "humans". The Reagan Coalition was a grouping of gods, saints and super-heroes, banded together to save us from Satan, Taxes, Liberals, and Dirty Hippies. They were gods among men, and how dare John McCain claim to have been part of that sacred band of superhumans.
Posted by: NonyNony | January 31, 2008 at 12:31 PM
I guess it kind of works at that. St Lazarus is the patron saint of lepers.
Posted by: julia | January 31, 2008 at 01:53 PM
Tune in again next week for another edition of
When Trekkies Get Wingnut Welfare!
Same Bat(shit) Time! Same Bat(shit) Channel!
Posted by: LittlePig | January 31, 2008 at 03:43 PM
Where have I heard this sort of stuff before? Oh yeah:
In bloody struggles and religious dissensions, and as a result of internal political disintegration, this empire declined in power and greatness, and finally fell into a deep sleep. But as this old empire appeared to have reached its end, the seeds of its rebirth were springing up...And I hope that all lefties understand that we do not possess the slightest feeling of inferiority to liberals. Our historical past is far too tremendous for that!
Posted by: nitpicker | January 31, 2008 at 04:15 PM
calls into the blackness, as if to Lazarus—"Come out!"
"Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days."--John 11:39
Posted by: rea | February 01, 2008 at 08:03 AM
Look at the way the Presidency has aged The Shrub, a physically fit young man in his fifties. I just do not believe that McCain has the energy at his advanced age to be President, and do not see him surviving the strain.
Lets have some Straight Talk from McCain's doctors about just what the deal is here.
Posted by: bob h | February 01, 2008 at 10:50 AM
Here's your unwavering, bedrock, true-blue, all American movement conservative principles at work:
We are left with two realistically possible nominees, with hopes for a brokered convention dashed. In 2008, the question has become: do you support the calculating unprincipled friend, or the passionate principled foe?
Yearning for your buddy the crook but willing to settle for the honest principled guy as a last & worst resort.
Sweet.
Posted by: jimmiraybob | February 01, 2008 at 11:07 AM
You know, when I wrote this way back in June, 2004 I didn't think even those idiots would go that route. I feel kind of prescient.
http://banana-slug.blogspot.com/2004/06/reagan-tomb-empty.html
And I apologize for the shameless blog whoring.
Posted by: banana slug | February 01, 2008 at 02:18 PM
banana s, hee hee, no need to apologize for blogwhoring. We at WF encourage it, within reason. WF would be nowhere if I hadn't done the same. (Not that where anywhere particular now, but you get the point...)
Posted by: Thers | February 01, 2008 at 04:39 PM