The Shocks Are Bound to Please
Thers's Ode to TigerHawk. In heroic couplets. All rights reserved.
So. Your ideas have gone all to fuck,
And you're looking like a giant schmuck.
You've voted for some sorry whores,
Who can't prosecute their wars
Without making things all sadder
By strengthening al-Sadr
And you haven't got bin Laden,
Who is sadly not forgotten,
And your fav'rite electoral aces
Are mired in disgraces--
You whine that it's too mean, yeah,
But Conyers can issue some subpoenas.
And the last resort of 11-ought-six--
Hating on the gay faggots...
That just didn't have the same old fun
As blowjob jokes about Clinton.
Besides, last November all that failed:
O! Wipe the tears from Roger Ailes!See, so much for all of that old rot,
Bonny prince of wingnut Cemelot!
What reason ought you be irked,
Just because your theories haven't worked?
Your excuse is bright & chippy --
Just blame some dirty random hippie!
Yes! Intone the charm of "Hippies, Raus!
In the name of Leo Strauss!"So, my classy, darling TigerHawk,
How special 'tis to hear you squawk
Of how there's simply nothing slicker
Then some dumbass bumpersticker
That says "Peace Had a Chance!"
(Ha! & I bet per you, fags dance in France!
This wingnut snark is a tedious thing,
Drink deep, who cares -- 'tis just blathering.)O! TigerHawk!
Your slogan just might pass for clever
If you could perhaps endeavor
To explain why if the nation sees as stupid
A war that's long gone putrid,
We should blame this nightmare on all those
Who told you fucks to shut your nose
When the Iraq cheerleading
Was about to lead to bleeding
Of soldiers, kids, and moms and dads--
Because now we KNOW we've all been had.I hope you like it there in old Princeton,
Where the Spring has just begun.
It's a place where you belong --
Mad at your neighbors, because you were wrong.
"Peace Had a Chance"? Nah, peace was screwed,
Because we're stuck with the likes of you.Motherfucker.
Limited edition available printed on finest yak phlegm vellum tenderized at 450 degrees with savory adenoidal emulsification. Send cheques payable to The Masked Pimpernel c/o The Darkness, Dublin, Dolphin's Barn, South Miami, Florida, 33143. Be sure all envelopes are properly moistened.
That last line doesn't scan.
Posted by: Molly Ivors | March 26, 2007 at 06:06 AM
Peace had a chance before Bush went to war. I bet a lot of people might interpret that sticker that way. I know I would.
Posted by: moonrattled | March 26, 2007 at 08:48 PM
That last line doesn't scan.
That's harsh. Just because he let the 2 year-old at the box of donuts...
Posted by: watertiger | March 26, 2007 at 09:17 PM
As I said on my link to this, it's a 'The Charge of the Light Brigade' for our generation:
Thers not to make reply,
Thers not to reason why,
Thers but to do & die
Posted by: attaturk | March 27, 2007 at 06:46 AM
It works. Well done.
Posted by: Stash | March 28, 2007 at 01:40 AM
Maybe the last line is an envoi.
Posted by: Drano | March 28, 2007 at 05:11 PM
What tho' those wingnuts knew?
Someone had blunder'd?
Under what bus they threw
Those who had wondered?
Onward the Light Brigade!
Light in the Loafers Made
Keyboard Kommandos' Raid
Chickenhawks on display
While Bush their Nero played
Flyboy and cowboy brayed:
"There will be Rolling THUNDER!!"
But what did '06 portend?
O the wild charges made!!
O the "mistakes were made"!!
Onto those swords they fell,
Hindrocket and Malkin tell
How into Electoral Hell
They Rode: Chickenhawk Pundits!
When can their glory fade?
Now.
Posted by: Wellstone | March 28, 2007 at 10:02 PM
That is quite good; in a fairly difficult meter. Actually, wow.
Congratulations.
Posted by: Douglas Watts | March 30, 2007 at 04:02 AM
rain and chilly air
spring arrives bringing sad news
bushhawks stay grounded
Posted by: jstheater | April 04, 2007 at 12:30 AM
rain and chilly air
spring arrives bringing sad news
bushhawks stay grounded
Posted by: | April 04, 2007 at 12:30 AM