Breaking news from Swampland! Joe Klein is an asshole:
Jim Webb and John Kerry, two Vietnam war heroes, passed each other on the up and down escalators in the past 24 hours--and there is a link between Webb's rise and Kerry's fall, and it has everything to do with social class. One of the reason's why Webb's speech worked so well last night--why it seemed so fresh--was the marriage of a populist economic message with a longstanding family tradition of military service. No way Webb could ever pass for effete; he's a guy who always looks as if he's five minutes from his next altercation.
What the fuck is wrong with Klein? Well, there is a link between his vapid chest thumping and social class. Like his analogue, Russert, Klein makes a fetish of working class authenticity, probably because he doesn't have any himself. "Effete"? "Five minutes from his next altercation"? Does Klein even give a shit about whether or not what someone says is right, or is he busy counting pubes?
So, Kerry was right in 2004, but Klein thought he was a pussy? Is that it?
It showed when he got pissed off at the secret service guy for getting in his way when he was snow-boarding in Sun Valley. It showed when his consultants ran focus groups to figure out how to respond to Abu Ghraib--something Jim Webb (or John McCain) would never do. It showed...all the time. It always looked like he was saying what he'd been told to say.
Oh, yes, John McCain. He has a large penis. As does Webb. They were in the military, like Kerry, and come from military families, like, uh, Kerry, but Kerry uh, drinks Chablis. Unlike Klein, I'm so sure, with his hairy chest and protruding Nipples of Manliness. I heard that if you drink Chablis, your dick falls off.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people? Is Klein in junior high school? Why the fuck does he think his man-crushes matter? And who the fuck died and made him the judge in a man-flesh contest? And who on earth wants to have a fucking beer with Joe Klein anyway, that sorry-assed shallow little shit?
Webb's speech was a good speech because he was right: it is immoral to get people killed for nothing. And economic exploitation is Bad.
People are dying, and Klein is measuring penises and wondering who he wants to have a beer with.
(ADDING: for all the fetishization of the corner bar where people are measured by the Infallible Test of Beer Having-With, pundits like Klein become awful fucking prissy when the actual language of American bar-goers is turned upon them: then, they polish their nails with disdain about the incivility of the Rabble. Klein wants to speak for the barroom: the last thing he wants is for the barroom to speak.
Well, fuck that shit. No beer for Klein!)