Whiskey Fire

Liam Neeson, I Fear for You

Liam Neeson is emotional and ungracious in a local TV interview about his upcoming wolf-punching movie. Watch it and cringe. If he's this upset now, what's going to happen when he has to do PR for Battleship?

 

Dance for the Ant God

Stupid translations! Play along at home.

By this weekend, Mr. Romney’s aides were on the offensive and increasingly confident, with some combination of their strategy and Mr. Gingrich’s own performance swinging polls in Mr. Romney’s direction. Even as it acknowledged the damage inflicted on Mr. Romney by the past several weeks, his team suggested that it had learned a lesson about never letting up on rivals, especially if Mr. Romney wins the nomination and confronts Mr. Obama in the general election.

They spent a shitload of money on attack ads.

On Saturday, Mr. Gingrich vowed to fight on to the Republican convention, backed by a well-financed “super PAC,” the enthusiasm of grass-roots conservatives and sympathetic statements from the likes of Sarah Palin, who in a Fox Business interview late last week said the “establishment” was trying to “crucify” Mr. Gingrich.

OMIGOD! THEY SPENT A SHITLOAD OF MONEY ON ATTACK ADS.

With the Florida primary two days away, Mr. Gingrich is now facing the full capabilities of a Romney team that was built for battle, but that by several accounts became so confident during primary season that it failed to see Mr. Gingrich’s latest resurgence coming, presuming that he had been left for dead in Iowa.

"Facing the full capabilities of a Romney team that was built for battle"is the single most douchebag sentence ever written and whoever wrote it should be fucking ashamed forever.

How the FUCK do you achieve the state of utter abjection that you write, and apparently mean, these words:

the full capabilities of a Romney team that was built for battle

What the fuck is wrong with you, person who wrote these words? Can you be helped? Or shot?

WHY!

Calling Zero

"Breaking news"?

The Shark Tank has learned from a source close to the Newt Gingrich Campaign that Herman Cain will be endorsing Newt Gingrich for President at tonight’s Palm Beach County REC Lincoln Day Dinner.

Let us all fight, news organizations, for similar scoops. My left nut is itching for Santorum, for instance.

Well, I'm Pretty Frickin' Pretty

So this thing here, that I'm about to link to, is obvious trolling -- indeed, it's pure fucking trolling, in the classic sense of the term, which would be "deliberately acting like an asshole in order to provoke some sort of reaction." Some argue that one ought never to respond to trolls, but as is usually the case with the sort of arguments proffered by "Some," that fucker, that is all my balls.

This horrible post at the SHAZAM link below is as I see it the essential "pro-life" post, and indeed the essential wingnut post. It Is Wingnut, hear it whine...:

SHAZAM!

Do I believe pro-life people are prettier than the pro-abortion crowd? Absolutely, I do.

They are prettier on the inside, which in turn radiates to the exterior.

Pope Benedict has a cute little pancreas, which explains why he is so darn fuckable.

All one had to do to see my point was spend ten minutes observing the participants at this week's 39th Annual March for Life held in Washington D.C.

People beat off to different things. I do not judge.

The pro-life marchers were seeping joy from every pore and exuding an unmistakable wholesomeness.

When one closely examines each and evey pore of another human being for the purposes of joy-seepage assessment, one becomes slightly intrusive. And if I want the aroma of "exuding an unmistkable wholesomeness," I'll cook bacon.

That's because being pro-life is a wholesome and good thing. There is nothing good and wholesome about being pro-abortion. Abortion is ugly and so are its supporters.

And that's trolling!

Honestly, that's all that is. Trolling. FUCK YOU I AM PRETTY!

I mean...

Compare the attitudes and smiles of the pro-life youth with those of the 2 dozen pro-abortion counter protesters—angry snarls, taunting obscenities, and hateful frowns. Ugliness is the purest sense. They held signs declaring "Keep Abortion Safe, Legal, and Rare" and "My Body, My Choice," completely oblivious to the irony of their messages.

Why the word "rare"? If abortion is a good thing, why should it be a rare thing? Could it be, perhaps, because it's a bad thing—a very bad thing, the worst thing ever?

So, by their own admission these women acknowledge that abortion is not good yet continue to support it. "My Body, My Choice" signs leave me as equally dumbfounded because infants in the womb have bodies too. They are not incorporeal spirit beings that don't assume their human form until being born. *Poof* it's a baby! No, human development does not work that way. A pre-born baby has a body and I am sure if you asked him or her, he or she would "choose" to be born.

There is a lot of nonsense here (the "interview with a fetus" stuff is great), but if you point that out, you are no longer "pretty," so I'll refrain. (I AM AM VERY FUCKING PRETTY DAMMIT YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. I AM EXTREMELY SENSITIVE TO THE "NOT PRETTY" CHARGE, PLEASE BE RESPECTFUL OF MY FEELINGS IN THIS REGARD. I AM PRETTY.)

And it goes on.

Even when the pro-abortion advocates were not taunting and yelling at the crowds they were less attractive than the pro-life marchers. Frankly, the women in the pro-abortion camp looked trashy. It comes from that lack of wholesomeness that I am speaking about. They did not look like wholesome girls a young man would take home to meet his parents.

I am too pretty to understand why this is crazy obnoxious. Giggle.

Or else: I am a straight, married man with kids, and I am SO FUCKING PRETTY that I support a woman's right to make her own decisons about her life.

(I said GIGGLE, motherfucker.)

 

A Sad State of Affairs... with Helmet-Haired Femmebots

Honestly, I don't know where to begin. Oh, how about here: I may have to stop watching television. Because every time it's on, I become more and more convinced this country is a maggot-covered pustule on the ass of the goatse (Google with caution--not for weak stomachs) guy. Do you find that description disgusting? Good. I'd like to you know my pain.

The day usually begins at 6 AM (OK, 5:30, but who's keeping track?) with Morning Joe, which lately seems to be even more village idioty than usual. That fact that the panel actually has serious discussions about whether a Richie Rich Robot with Magic Metal Underwear or a Walking Ham-Fart is a better person to lead our country is further proof that the MSM is no longer interested in actually reporting news or informing viewers. Basically what most MSM news-oriented shows have become is sports commentary. This is all a game to them. The fact that an oligarch or racist may become president is of no importance to the village idiots--they're having fun. And, hey, I get that. Sometimes the meanie in me enjoys watching the clowns emerge from the clown cars, falling down and vomiting all over themselves. I mean, car wrecks are interesting; but clown car wrecks are spectacular.

But at some point I just ache for someone to blurt out that the Republican party is made up of crazy people, sociopaths and people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I mean, Newtie's "Foodstamper, please!*" dogwhistles aren't really dogwhistles. They're more like dogscreams. Which either means A.) Newt is a racist or B.) is willing to exploit racist sentiment in his quest for power. How is this not causing everyone to have a Scanners-style meltdown?

The other night I was getting my fake-ass nails done, and the new there-is-no-godawful Erin Burnett show was on. The first issue discussed was the proposal of new taxes for millionaires. Because Erin Burnett is a dumb cow who--actually, really, YES--once argued that we should accept that some of our goods from China might be poisoned because they are affordable, I knew exactly where the discussion was going to go. It was one of those discussions where Point B had already been decided on and Point A was gonna get us there even if she had to wrestle it to the ground and kick it in the head and take a dump on its chest. Silly, middle-classers, don't you know that even if we taxed the millionaires at 100% it still wouldn't erase the debt?...which is a cute little trick, because it assumes that everyone believes that the debt is something that has be addressed right now or the universe will implode, babies will be gay-raped and Two and a Half Men will be cancelled. The one panelist who-- gosh darnit-- was "just doing the math" pointed out that the middle class was still our biggest resource for tax revenue. Should we tax the middle class more? Our sad, befuddled panelist JUST DIDN'T KNOW.

Oh, and then there's South Carolina debate audience...to which I would like to write a very short open letter:

Dear South Carolina Republicans,

If it weren't for Charleston--which is admittedly awesome and not just 'cuz I was born there--I would be happy if you seceded. You are a bunch of classless neanderthals. Your behavior at the debates made me cringe, made me ashamed of our nation. Hooting and hollering as if you were at a high school pep rally while attending a presidential nominee debate is something that just isn't done. Not in a civilized society. I know those racist dogwhistles got you all riled up, made your ears perk up, and your fur get all vertical...but you should have contained yourself. Save your vulgar displays of contempt for your fellow Americans for the next Secession Ball. And until then, kindly go FUCK YOURSELVES.

Much Obliged,

A Southern Belle You Don't Want to Tangle With

*phrase from the brilliant aimai at alicublog. I tried to Google the comment and couldn't find it.

--vacuumslayer

Going to Be a Scream

Jim Hoft!

This is just shooting crackers in a barrel, sure, but since when was that not fun?

JIM HOFT!

A Canadian professor released a study today claiming conservatives are racists and dumb.

(This is the study, BTW.)

The Fun is in watching Jim Hoft casting about for a Devastating Riposte, and offering this:

At least they know you can’t spend your way to wealth.

Because Jim Hoft is smarter than "Keynes," which is an anagram for "Lenin." The link allows us to discover something wonderful:

The Brits are the latest country to dump the “spend your way to wealth” Obama-Pelosi prosperity plan. The Brits moved ahead with their austerity plan despite the recent letter from Obama urging G20 nations to continues to spend like drunken sailors.

And those Brilliant Brits have led their nation to their worst economic performance since the Depression.

Hoft should write a book. It would probably be even better than Liberal Fascism.

 

BREAKING EVERYONE CARES

Barack Obama got off a plane and then HOLY SHIT he SHOT someone in the FACE.

Or something.

The Weekly Standard is funny about this. "Bobby Jindal got the same treatment when Obama came to visit Louisiana and the governor met him on the tarmac. Jindal would later recount in his book..."

A Real Shit Movie Move

Wait, this exists?

Game Change is an upcoming Jay Roach film based on the book of the same name by journalists John Heilemann and Mark Halperin. The film will primarily track the actions of the Republican Party during the 2008 Presidential Election.

Mother. Fucker.

No. no.

Nononononononono.

FUCK.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Fuck.

FUCK.

(Reconsidering)

FUCK.

Mysterious Engines Run

One hardly concerns oneself with Thomas Sowell, because who gives a shit. "I have made it out of the ghetto and now I work for the Hoover Institute." That is a hot one.

But there exist such things as laffs, and so, here is Thomas Sowell.

This may be the golden age of presumptuous ignorance.

This may be my balls. Or it may not be my balls. Let us explore this Intriguing Question.

The most recent demonstrations of that are the Occupy Wall Street mobs. It is doubtful how many of these semi-literate sloganizers could tell the difference between a stock and a bond.

No it isn't! Fuck you!

Yet there they are, mouthing off about Wall Street on television, cheered on by politicians and the media.

"Mouthing off about Wall Street on television" is very wonderful. The peasants are revolting! (You know the punchline.)

When Barack Obama speaks loftily about "investing in the industries of the future," does anyone ask: What in the world would qualify him to know what are the industries of the future?

How many shady derivatives schemes did HE run!

Why would people who have spent their careers in politics know more about investing than people who have spent their careers as investors?

Why aren't "people who have spent their careers as investors" in jail?

Presumptuous ignorance is not confined to politicians or rowdy political activists, by any means. From time to time, I get a huffy letter or e-mail from a reader who begins, "You obviously don't know what you are talking about..."

Listen to your mother.

The particular subject may be one on which my research assistants and I have amassed piles of research material and official statistics. It may even be a subject on which I have written a few books, but somehow the presumptuously ignorant just know that I didn't really study that issue, because my conclusions don't agree with theirs or with what they have heard.

At one time I was foolish enough to try to reason with such people. But one of the best New Year's resolutions I ever made, some years ago, was to stop trying to reason with unreasonable people. It has been good for my blood pressure and probably for my health in general.

Becoming a "fellow" at the Hoover Institute means never having to admit you're a hack. (People who aren't frauds don't write paragraphs like these.)

As just one example, the Postal Service has a multi-billion dollar line of credit at the U.S. Department of the Treasury. Hey, we could all use a few billions, every now and then, to get us over the rough spots. But we are not the Postal Service.

No, we are Goldman Sachs. Burn!

Also the US Postal Service, a federal government institution, doesn't have to pay federal taxes to the federal government, which proves that the the Founders were communists. (Honestly....)

One of the reasons for so much presumptuous ignorance flourishing in our time may be the emphasis on "self-esteem" in our schools and colleges.

The problem may be more severe in our Hoover Institutes.

 

Where Are the Dorks of Yesteryear?

Mitch Daniels looks and talks like a guy in a painting holding a pitchfork posing grimly next to his sour wife, only Daniels outdoes American Gothic, because you get the sense that he's tightly clenching his buttcheeks so as to prevent leprechauns from stealing his Lucky Charms.

If only he had run for president! He is the Republicans' "A-Team"!

Jefferson “trembled for” our country when he reflected that “God is just.” We must do the same when confronted with the contrasting speeches tonight of Barack Obama and Mitch Daniels. That our best leaders, such as Mitch Daniels, who tonight delivered the finest response to a State of the Union ever, have chosen not to serve, leaves the country to the second-raters. And if we are led by second rate people, we will become a second rate country.

Uh, right.

I tend to agree with a lot of the political-science stuff about how elections are determined by economic factors, and so forth. But I stubbornly cling to the idea that if you can't put on a show, you can't be president -- or at least, you can't stay president.

Mitch Daniels doesn't know that you are supposed to change the speed, tone, and timber of your delivery when you deliver a Rhetorical Haymaker. He has the stage presence of a cube of wood. That he is a labor-hating asshole in his home state is all well and good, but holy shit, he sucks.

Mitt Romney is also really horrible as a public speaker. His laugh especially is just fucking obnoxious and awful.

Newt Gingrich is as it happens not unskilled at rhetoric. George W Bush wasn't either, to give the dummy his due. Not that either is especially inspiring, or even good. But look at it this way: Romney can't even throw red meat to starving puppies effectively.

An underappreciated point is that even by nonsensical non-policy horserace entertainment criteria, the GOP has nothing, now or for years to come.

At least as far as presidential politics goes. Luckily for them, the states-level assault on workers' freedom and the rights of poor people to vote is proceeding swimmingly.

MAS. Preserve us...

I’m currently uploading a “Help us Mitch Daniels, you’re our only hope” holo-message on to an R2 unit.

I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of women suddenly cried out in terror and logged off the Internet forever.

Polluted Eyeballs, Stop Scouting Out the Field

I seldom read Ross Douthat columns. Back in the day I had Inside Information that the competition for this particular NYT op-ed gig was between Douthat and Megan McArdle and a certain bonobo (who hated the capital gains tax). That kind of made me dubious as to the whole affirmative-action "hire a glib young right-wing imbecile who has sufficient social skills to be cool enough to hang out with Ezra Fucking Klein" thing, as it were.

But this Ross Douthat column makes total sense. The GOP presidential field sucks ass, but if Mitch Daniels were to get involved all of a sudden out of nowhere, that would be great, and everyone would realize that William Kristol is smart.

Right.

I only mention this because Douthat links to William Kristol quoting William Butler Yeats, in a context that is fucking the shit, and which I missed at the time.

A third e-mailer Thursday evening, watching the debate, was reminded of Yeats’s “The Second Coming:”

The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

There’s some truth to that. But I can’t help wondering if, in the same poem, Yeats didn’t suggest the remedy:

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Sounds like Chris Christie.

Shoot me.

My Thoughts Are a Gas

I have not posted in a few days because, well, here is a sentence:

"We must now take Newt Gingrich seriously."

This is possibly true, in some cockeyed sense, but it is hardly an inducement to avoid booze.

Which begs the question, in the correct and incorrect usage of the term, WHO IS SMARTER, Chuck Norris or Tom Friedman?

This is rarely asked, but it touches on one of the most pressing Issues of Our Day, namely, Why Do Semi-Literate Dinks with Creepy Moustaches Get to Bother Us with Their Nonsense?

I have no answers. I merely Probe.

Here is Tom Friedman:

I can save both parties a lot of money. I am one of those voters, and I can tell you exactly for whom I want to vote — and I don’t think I’m alone.

Here is Chuck Norris:

As important as it is, now is not the time to be mincing through minutiae and infighting via typical partisan battles. Rome is burning, and we need to appoint the best firemen possible to rush in and put out her fury.

Tom Friedman wins here only in the sense that he speaks a recognizable, if irritatingly dipshit, dialect of imaginary taxi-driver English. Chuck Norris thinks minutiae-mincing is a thing that exists because of alliteration, and also that Rome is an angry girl who is on fire.

Here is Tom Friedman:

I want to vote for a candidate who advocates an immediate investment in infrastructure that will create jobs and upgrade America for the 21st century — ultrafast bandwidth, highways, airports, public schools, mass transit — and combines that with a long-term plan to fix our fiscal imbalances at the real scale of the problem, a plan that could be phased in as the economy recovers.

I want to stop being humiliated by having my shit published next to Krugman. A pony would be nice also. The problem of course is partisanship.

Here is Chuck Norris.

No man or candidate is perfect. We all have skeletons in our closet. If buried bones became unforgivable bones of contention, the world would never know or will never know another Benjamin Franklin, King David and others like them. We must remember that we’re electing a president, not a pastor or pope. And with the mainstream media and a billion-dollar Obama campaign coffer on the president’s side, we need a veteran of political war who has already fought Goliath, because he will be facing Goliath’s bigger brother.

So I can bang an intern half my age if I'm running for president, and that's cool with Jesus, if the other guy has a lot of cash? Alert my wife!

Friedman wins here, though. Neither acknowledges anything approaching 21st century political realities, but Friedman at minimum would let me get quicker and more brutal porn.

On the latter point, I am talking about the Bowles-Simpson bipartisan deficit reduction plan — or something equally serious and with a chance of bipartisan support.

That is so fucking stupid.

We agree with our friend and governor of the great state of Texas, Rick Perry, when he suspended his campaign and endorsed Gingrich, that Newt “has the heart of a conservative reformer.” We believe Newt’s experience, leadership, knowledge, wisdom, faith and even humility to learn from his failures (personal and public) can return America to her glory days. And he is the best man left on the battlefield who is able to outwit, outplay and outlast Obama and his campaign machine.

That is also pretty fucking stupid.

I am compelled by honest analysis to conclude that Tom Friedman is marginally more intelligent than Chuck Norris. In fairness, though, Tom Friedman has not been hit in the head nearly as often. Science demands a more level playing field.

 

A Big "If"

Great American Ninny Jennifer Rubin:

If conservatism becomes a movement of anti-media bashing and hyperbolic rhetoric, it will cease to be a force in American politics. And if it is led by an egomaniac whose personal advancement takes precedence over any principle, the GOP will be (correctly) mocked.

"If?" It's not even a question of when. We can only assume that Ms. Rubin is a sort of Helen Keller figure, unable to perceive fully what's been occurring around her, knowing only what is tapped on her hand.

— M. Bouffant

Rmoney Blows South Carolina As Gingrich Surges From Behind

While Santorum Spurt Comes Up Short.

And that's your man-on-dog race.

I recommend Charles Pierce, re: Rmoney's non-stop lying.

As someone who watched him first against Ted Kennedy, and then, later, during his run for governor, I am really rather stunned at what a singularly appalling liar Mitt Romney has become. It is bone-deep with him now. His campaigns in 2008 and 2012 have made lies out of both campaigns he ran in Massachusetts and out of his entire tenure there as governor.

I wonder if Thers will add "the schaden freudes itself" category?

UPDATE: NOM NOM NOM

Former Speaker of the House has signed NOM's Marriage Pledge

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Brian Brown, the president of the National Organization for Marriage (NOM) today congratulated GOP presidential contender Newt Gingrich on his victory in the South Carolina primary.

(Posted by ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®©)

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Clownicide: A Story in Words and Pictures (Mostly Pictures...In Other Words, Even Jonah Goldberg Could Understand It)

Hi, all you Whiskey Fire Dudeskull fans! I just put up an entry at my joint where the little dude is featured prominently. And it's all cute and funny. It's also very graphics-intense and a pain in the butt entry to drag over here (because just slapping it down here won't work, it takes some fiddling). So if you could use a Friday evening drink and a laugh, please do head on over.

 

--vacuumslayer

Whiskey, all you want!

Whoops! Looks like Thers didn't set out any whiskey last night.

 

Let's see what's in the cupboard. There was a Republican Debate Summary in Charleston, S.C. last night. Here's a fine summary from whateveritisimagainstit (h/t BDR).

Stephen Colbert puts the overall race into context, and highlights Sweater Vest's couch problem.

As for Pig Newton, Dusty, take it away. I've thought since the beginning that Mittens would be the gooper nominee. Perhaps "A 25% tax rate for thee, but at most 15% for me" will be a deal-breaker. We might as well enjoy our schadenfreude now.

I hope I'm wrong, but this is my prediction. The banksters and the Military Industrial Commission win, and we lose. As usual.

P.S. Don't tell Thers!

(Posted by ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© and cross-posted at my place. Mouse over pics for captions, and click them for larger versions.)

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Still No Rock & Roll Fun

This picture of Newt Gingrich leering Sithfully at Bajoran-Carrie Brownstein in a Sgt. Pepper outfit is admittedly titillating, but I'm still not going to vote for him.

 

And personal to John Cole: How can you still get suckered by Matt frickin' Drudge? Jabus.

Whiskey Fire Fully Supports SOPA; Sites That Went "Black" Irresponsible, Basically Dicks

Whiskey Fire Blog Enterprises, Ltd., fully supports the passage of SOPA, and indeed stands foursquare, which is, as is (hastily checking calculator accessory), at least two better than twosquare, behind SOPA, which is a law, of some kind, that we are vaguely aware promises to Destroy the Internet As We Know It.

Our reasons for this position are straightforward and compelling.

POINT THE FIRST. Maybe it will make people stop posting pictures of their fucking cats.

POINT THE SECOND. Your cat looks like everyone else's cat. It looks like a fucking cat.

That is all.

Also, we would point out that the sites that have "gone black" to protest SOPA will have a very hard go of it recovering their original content, because, as is well known (get ready to laugh here, folks, this is a Hot One), once you Go Black, you... CAN NEVER GO BACK.

We are reasonably sure that with a joke that classy, we could have won the GOP South Carolina Primary.

At any rate both myself, Thers (The Da), as well as every single contributor to Whiskey Fire, is totally in line with supporting SOPA, because if there is one thing Whiskey Fire is known for, it is IRON IDEOLOGICAL DISCIPLINE.

IRON IDEOLOGICAL SISCIPLINE.

LION DOCTRINAL SISSYPLANTS.

FRYING COLOSSAL LIPOSUCTION.

Anyway, we run a tight ship. Or we ship some tight pants. Whichever, we've done a better job supporting this shit than Chris Dodd. Send us fat checks.

Our Post-Racial Paradise

Newt Gingrich whistles...

... while those dogs, they're barking.

(Enjoy that second link especially! It will make you feel all warm and fuzzy.)

(Or not. It lists people who thought it was either Fun or Defiant to post "Happy Nigger Day" as their Facebook status on Martin Luther King Day. Is they is, or is they ain't, Newt's consticha-ency?)

Paws for alarm

In other news, here's a Pileated Woodpecker, Dryocopus pileatus.

(Posted by ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© and cross-posted at my place. Mouse over pics for captions, and click them for larger versions.)

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